throwaway123
September 3rd, 2014, 06:39 PM
Hi, I'm an 18 year old guy from the uk and over the past few years I've been having quite a hard time when it comes to depression and anxiety.
When I was 14 I was diagnosed with severe psoriasis which meant I had to spend 10 days in great ormond street hospital and undertake a strict regime of topical treatments and internal medications some of which made me quite ill, this is where everything started to go downhill. I had previously dropped out of school because of bullying and stress which we believe was the cause of my outbreak, for those of you who don't know what psoriasis is, think eczema but patches 10 times worse randomly scattered all around your body, you have this for life, it goes with treatment which is why I'm thankful.
When I was around 15 I joined my second secondary school, this is where my life starts to seems to take shape and get better, I meet my soon to be best friend for the next couple of years, let's call him bob. Now bob and I really hit it off, over the next couple of years we become best friends, we play games with each other everyday, I go to his house all the time and we have a great time, I get to know his family well etc. Then I dropped out of school again, I couldn't handle the pressure, my skin was getting worse again and I just didn't like how my life was going.
Fast forward to last year when I'm 17, I have been attending regular courses at my local adult community college which I am loving by the way, I've made new friends and I'm happy when it comes to the goals that I want to achieve, but anxiety and depression is still a big problem, the biggest it has been in my opinion. Bob has now dropped out of college and is going to start fresh at a new one next year (at the age he should be starting, he was a year ahead), so bare in mind over the next year he doesen't make any new friends in the real world, only online, and as usual I go to his house regulary. Bob and I are still doing what we have always done, get home, play games together with or without other people, I go to his house with our other friend on a regular basis and we do stuff together, it's like a normal best friend relationship.
Fast forward to a week before today, I am now 18, Bob has been my absolute best friend for the past 3 years, we've had great fun and I honestly thought that nothing would ever come between us. However I have extreme ocd when it comes to reassuring myself, for example if I'm worrying about something I will run it over to myself around 100 times a day to myself or I won't feel comfortable, I also have ticks which I try to hide from people. they are greatly increased when I'm stressed though. Bob is starting college this year (he is 16, we were both in the same year at an independent private school for people who didn't really get on in mainstream schools and wanted private education, it was pretty small, extremely small, like a family, it was a family.), and I am still making my way at my local community college.
Ever single day over the past week I have woken up stressed worried, and angry. I've woken up in sweats not being able to stop thinking about what I think is going to happen when he starts his new college, during my daily activities I do what I always do, I have to stop myself get up and wonder around until I have reassured myself that what I think is going to happen isn't, then I can relax for around the next 10 minutes until I feel the urge to do it again. Sometimes I just want to breakdown and cry. I honestly can't take this anymore.
I'm scared that he's going to forget about me, I'm scared that the relationship we had is going to be shared with someone else and that I'm going to be replaced. He's been one of the main people in my life for the past three years which have been the hardest years of my life so far and he's been a good friend. But I cannot for the life of me stop thinking and convincing myself about how I'm going to be forgotten.
The reason I am worried is because the signs have already started, he's made a new friend already who he is going to be with every single day like we used to, I haven't been to his house for weeks, he doesn't text me if I want to come over.
He doesn't know about my issues, so he can't comprehend what I'm feeling or going through, so the moment I look like I'm becoming too attached in a weird way he get's angry and tells me that he needs personal space, but I'm just trying to stay friends with him, we hardly do anything anymore.
I'm really struggling guys, it's the first time he's made friends irl for a while and I have clung on to our friendship for ages, hardly making any new friends myself.
I don't know what to do.
- throwaway
When I was 14 I was diagnosed with severe psoriasis which meant I had to spend 10 days in great ormond street hospital and undertake a strict regime of topical treatments and internal medications some of which made me quite ill, this is where everything started to go downhill. I had previously dropped out of school because of bullying and stress which we believe was the cause of my outbreak, for those of you who don't know what psoriasis is, think eczema but patches 10 times worse randomly scattered all around your body, you have this for life, it goes with treatment which is why I'm thankful.
When I was around 15 I joined my second secondary school, this is where my life starts to seems to take shape and get better, I meet my soon to be best friend for the next couple of years, let's call him bob. Now bob and I really hit it off, over the next couple of years we become best friends, we play games with each other everyday, I go to his house all the time and we have a great time, I get to know his family well etc. Then I dropped out of school again, I couldn't handle the pressure, my skin was getting worse again and I just didn't like how my life was going.
Fast forward to last year when I'm 17, I have been attending regular courses at my local adult community college which I am loving by the way, I've made new friends and I'm happy when it comes to the goals that I want to achieve, but anxiety and depression is still a big problem, the biggest it has been in my opinion. Bob has now dropped out of college and is going to start fresh at a new one next year (at the age he should be starting, he was a year ahead), so bare in mind over the next year he doesen't make any new friends in the real world, only online, and as usual I go to his house regulary. Bob and I are still doing what we have always done, get home, play games together with or without other people, I go to his house with our other friend on a regular basis and we do stuff together, it's like a normal best friend relationship.
Fast forward to a week before today, I am now 18, Bob has been my absolute best friend for the past 3 years, we've had great fun and I honestly thought that nothing would ever come between us. However I have extreme ocd when it comes to reassuring myself, for example if I'm worrying about something I will run it over to myself around 100 times a day to myself or I won't feel comfortable, I also have ticks which I try to hide from people. they are greatly increased when I'm stressed though. Bob is starting college this year (he is 16, we were both in the same year at an independent private school for people who didn't really get on in mainstream schools and wanted private education, it was pretty small, extremely small, like a family, it was a family.), and I am still making my way at my local community college.
Ever single day over the past week I have woken up stressed worried, and angry. I've woken up in sweats not being able to stop thinking about what I think is going to happen when he starts his new college, during my daily activities I do what I always do, I have to stop myself get up and wonder around until I have reassured myself that what I think is going to happen isn't, then I can relax for around the next 10 minutes until I feel the urge to do it again. Sometimes I just want to breakdown and cry. I honestly can't take this anymore.
I'm scared that he's going to forget about me, I'm scared that the relationship we had is going to be shared with someone else and that I'm going to be replaced. He's been one of the main people in my life for the past three years which have been the hardest years of my life so far and he's been a good friend. But I cannot for the life of me stop thinking and convincing myself about how I'm going to be forgotten.
The reason I am worried is because the signs have already started, he's made a new friend already who he is going to be with every single day like we used to, I haven't been to his house for weeks, he doesn't text me if I want to come over.
He doesn't know about my issues, so he can't comprehend what I'm feeling or going through, so the moment I look like I'm becoming too attached in a weird way he get's angry and tells me that he needs personal space, but I'm just trying to stay friends with him, we hardly do anything anymore.
I'm really struggling guys, it's the first time he's made friends irl for a while and I have clung on to our friendship for ages, hardly making any new friends myself.
I don't know what to do.
- throwaway