my life feels like a façade

[Cognizant]

This is a vent post. I always claim to be a very positive person, but honestly, it's just me trying to cover up the issues I have that I try so very hard to ignore exist, but eventually come back to bite me.

- My family is fucked up. It has been since my parents divorced, and I was hoping we would recover and bond more as a family. but in fact, it almost feels like it's gotten worse. my dad suffers depression and my sister has had a history with self harm and running away.

- I have friends, but I always feel like that throwaway friend. Im super quiet, and that means I rarely make new friends and while I can be social with my current friends, i freeze up in groups.

- the most troubling so far has been my extreme desire for someone I can't have. they probably don't even know the extent of how much I care for them, and again, since I can't talk to people (because I suck), all I can do is dream. I want him so badly but I'll never get him but I can't move past him. every night in recent days has been filled with me fantasizing about him. but then I look at his profile and I get the impression that I mean nothing to him and idk..... I just feel like a fool for thinking i have a chance with him.

all of this has basically reminded me of how big of a loser I really am. I can try to cover it up all I want with my buttered-up "positivity", but it still doesn't hide the fact that I'm nothing short of a forgettable human being who fails to impress anybody.

[Leprous]

This is a vent post. I always claim to be a very positive person, but honestly, it's just me trying to cover up the issues I have that I try so very hard to ignore exist, but eventually come back to bite me.

- My family is fucked up. It has been since my parents divorced, and I was hoping we would recover and bond more as a family. but in fact, it almost feels like it's gotten worse. my dad suffers depression and my sister has had a history with self harm and running away.

- I have friends, but I always feel like that throwaway friend. Im super quiet, and that means I rarely make new friends and while I can be social with my current friends, i freeze up in groups.

- the most troubling so far has been my extreme desire for someone I can't have. they probably don't even know the extent of how much I care for them, and again, since I can't talk to people (because I suck), all I can do is dream. I want him so badly but I'll never get him but I can't move past him. every night in recent days has been filled with me fantasizing about him. but then I look at his profile and I get the impression that I mean nothing to him and idk..... I just feel like a fool for thinking i have a chance with him.

all of this has basically reminded me of how big of a loser I really am. I can try to cover it up all I want with my buttered-up "positivity", but it still doesn't hide the fact that I'm nothing short of a forgettable human being who fails to impress anybody.

Hey, first of all, you are no loser and you don't suck at all! With wanting the guy, I know how you feel. Don't worry about being quiet, just try to open up a bit and make some friends. If you ever need someone to talk to, please let me, or anyone else know. We are all there for you, stay strong.

[Rayquaza]

I understand you might feel the way you do but please don't ever put yourdelf down like that without just realising how much of a great person you are.

Your family might be fucked up, but look at you. You've managed to come out of this family being such a great person. You've never had an addiction to SH and you've been so strong and brave through everything. You're a tough warrior and you can get through this, just like you've managed to get through every other obstacle in life.

Don't ever feel like the throwaway friend. There are some friends that will throw you away, and you just have to learn to cut them off, because they're scum and they're not worth it. I felt like a throwaway friend with someone I thought I was pretty close to and now I've learnt just to not talk to her. Those people don't deserve you in their life.

Sometimes you need to speak out to someone you have feelings for. I personally can't give much more advice on this because quite frankly, I'm in the same boat as you and I freak out when it comes to relationships and feeling like you're non-existent to the person, you're not the only one.

You're not a fool Pat, you're an amazing person and a fantastic photographer. You're thoughtful and kindhearted and you put other people before yourself and that is a rare trait that people don't have. Realise how far you've come in life and how well you've done, and that you really are quite the impressive human being. People are envious of you and your many qualities. Own it.