Did I just end a friendship?

[newengland_teen]

Sooo I do not know where to start, other than what happened the other night is the exact reason I found this site and made an account. So, a little background I guess is that I have a close friend, and we have been friends since middle school when we met doing sports. Now flash forward a few years, I am a senior in high school and he is a freshman in college. My friend says he is homophobic, but I think he just says that to seem cool or to just convince himself he is, but he may actually be, I'm not sure. However, we are still really close friends and I've been texting him a lot lately.

I am extremely confused about my sexuality. I like some girls, I like some guys. Some days I will like a guy more than a girl, other days it is the opposite. So the other night we were texting and we were just talking about things we never knew about each other and I told him there is one big thing that nobody knows, and it is a huge secret. (Hint - it is my sexuality, I so far have assumed I'm bi). So we were talking and then finally after talking for about half an hour trying to see if it was worth telling him, I told him I think I'm bi.

After I hit send I kind of winced and prepared for the worst or for him to just say "bye" or something. He didn't reply for a few minutes so I was like "yeah sorry I never told you before" and he replied saying exactly "yeah but see it doesn't make me look at you different because your a friend so it doesn't bother me as much". Needless to say, I was relieved he didn't hate me or want to stop talking to me, and I was happy he was ok with it, however the last thing he said "it doesn't bother me as much". As much as what?

So now today I texted him and I got a really crappy "idk maybe" reply for an answer. It really, really put me down because it just didn't seem like him. I know his classes just started so he is busy making college friends and living the college life which is way different than high school, but what if he doesn't like me anymore? I mean it is true he could just be busy or something but I don't know. I over think things so much and it is driving me crazy. I don't want to text him and accuse him of being different because he knows something about me, but at the same time I just want to be like "why haven't you replied yet?". I think I am just over thinking it and he is just busy and will text me later, but I am really like worried because I don't want to see a 7-8 year friendship go down the drain for one thing. So any advice on what to do or just any advice at all is really welcome. Thanks

[Living For Love]

Probably he meant "it doesn't bother me as much as you'd think it would" or something, but I guess his reaction was overall a positive one. Maybe you should give him some time to process the information and then text him again. Or you could meet him in person, if possible, and discuss things better with him.

[newengland_teen]

Well last night he definitely did not seem to mind at all. So I dunno what is up today. I would love to talk to him in person, but I saw him last on Tuesday when I helped him finish packing and now he is about an hour away. Since I am probably going to text him tonight if he doesn't reply all day today, any idea on what I should say?

[Living For Love]

Well last night he definitely did not seem to mind at all. So I dunno what is up today. I would love to talk to him in person, but I saw him last on Tuesday when I helped him finish packing and now he is about an hour away. Since I am probably going to text him tonight if he doesn't reply all day today, any idea on what I should say?

Maybe it's better to just not mention it again, at least for now, just start a normal conversation, ask him what he did today or something. He might not mind the fact you're bisexual, but maybe you caught him by surprise, so, you know, give him some time and, in the meanwhile, don't mention it again. Since he's moving, he will probably be a but busy, so it's understandable that he might not have time to text you.

[newengland_teen]

Yeah he replied and I asked him how his college is and stuff, but I feel like I should finish the conversation from last night. Like the way it was, after he said basically he doesn't mind, he went to bed and so did I. But I feel like I should say something about it and just clear up any questions he has? Or is that just going to start something?

[Living For Love]

Yeah he replied and I asked him how his college is and stuff, but I feel like I should finish the conversation from last night. Like the way it was, after he said basically he doesn't mind, he went to bed and so did I. But I feel like I should say something about it and just clear up any questions he has? Or is that just going to start something?

If you feel the need to finish the conversation started the other night, then probably you should do it, just be careful and don't make it seem like you're desperate or something, because he might feel that, if you thought he would react badly, then he might thought you don't know him well, and he might not like that (not sure if I was clear enough or not :p). But yeah, I mean, if you're good friends with him, he probably won't mind if you mention that subject again, just make sure you're okay with it and that you told him because you feel you can trust him.

[newengland_teen]

I think I will later tonight because that is normally when we are both free. Is there any good way to bring it up again? I don't want to make it awkward, I just want him to know like the only reason he is my only friend who knows is because I trust him the most, and that I like him as a friend and that is it. How can I start a conversation like that?

[Living For Love]

I think I will later tonight because that is normally when we are both free. Is there any good way to bring it up again? I don't want to make it awkward, I just want him to know like the only reason he is my only friend who knows is because I trust him the most, and that I like him as a friend and that is it. How can I start a conversation like that?

Well, when you text him tonight, maybe after you two have been exchanging messages for a while, you can say something like this: "Hey, remember when I told you the other day I was bisexual? I just wanted to thank you once again for being supportive and acceptive.". That will basically give him the opportunity to ask you more about it in case he feels the need to, and you can also tell him something you feel he needs to know. And then you can tell him that he's the only friend who knows because you trust him the most, and maybe that will make him feel special in some way. Just make sure you don't give the impression you're in love with him or something, otherwise you might creep him out.

[newengland_teen]

Ok thanks, I will definitely do that tonight because I need to get that off my chest and I feel like we've been texting awkwardly because the issue still hasn't been fully talked about and understood between us. I'll see how it goes and hopefully it all goes well. I'll tell you how it goes.

[newengland_teen]

Well we talked last night and he actually was really helpful and he thinks I am just curious or bi curious. Surprisingly for a "homophobe" he actually helped me a lot and was supportive. So I guess I was just over reacting a little bit yesterday but thanks for your help Dance in the Dark! You really helped me not panic and do something stupid haha. (:

[Living For Love]

Well we talked last night and he actually was really helpful and he thinks I am just curious or bi curious. Surprisingly for a "homophobe" he actually helped me a lot and was supportive. So I guess I was just over reacting a little bit yesterday but thanks for your help Dance in the Dark! You really helped me not panic and do something stupid haha. (:

I'm glad everything is fine between you two now (: Over reacting is normal in this kind of situations, but you were pretty courageous for telling him how you feel. Keep that friend of yours close, he seems a really nice guy. Good luck in your life.