I'm back, and never felt this bad.

[Leprous]

Alright, so some of you may have seen my other two topics here and lay have noticed I've been gone for a while, but here I am, alive, sadly enough. So first things first, my girlfriend I met here has been a total b**** towards me. I'm thinking everything she said to me was a lie, and she almost mentally broke me. After I finally broke up with her she started guilt tripping me, treathening to kill herself if I wouldn't take her back. I never took her back but I tried everything to remain her friend, untill 2 days ago, we got in a fight, and she told me she was going to kill herself. I don't know if she did it or not but thanks to a friend I didn't get the guilt I would normally get when stuff like this happens. I got a therapist, but I'm afraid to tell her about all this and about my self harm. As always, I help other people before even thinking about how I'm feeling. I'm so tired, so tired of having to deal with this. I feel like. I can loose all my friends because I'll mess up eventually. My therapist says I'm doing better, but I'm not. I just want someone I can really be happy with, me and my girlfriend had a pretty good relationship at first, but then it all got worse, and from worse it went to bad, and from bad to horrible. Everything makes me feel like shit, and I just have the constant feeling of just screaming and breaking everything I see, and just let it all out. I can't. I'm too worthless and weak to let it all out, I'm a monster, thanks to me people got hurt. I am the victim and the bully, I am both, I am a monster, someone who doesn't deserve love or friendship, I don't deserve life.

[Hudor]

As a fact Bram, I noticed your absence. It is unfortunate all this happened to you. However you do deserve life. Never think otherwise. Bad times do come but they are not endless. Things are bound to get better one day. Stay strong.

If your gf was as bad as you tell us, it is for the best that you probably left her and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I don't think you can be a monster, monsters can't empathize so well and comfort others. You definitely deserve friendship and love and I'm sure one day you'll get them as well.

Also I'm here to talk if ever you fee like it.

[Leprous]

As a fact Bram, I noticed your absence. It is unfortunate all this happened to you. However you do deserve life. Never think otherwise. Bad times do come but they are not endless. Things are bound to get better one day. Stay strong.

If your gf was as bad as you tell us, it is for the best that you probably left her and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I don't think you can be a monster, monsters can't empathize so well and comfort others. You definitely deserve friendship and love and I'm sure one day you'll get them as well.

Also I'm here to talk if ever you fee like it.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't do this alone anymore. I can't do this anymore. I may comfort and help people, but here, online, I can avtually be my 'other me'. One side is a huge asshole, at school, wich is afraid of being bullied more, so why not be the bully? I can't control it anymore, I insult and hurt people without thinking. And here, I'm trying to compensate for what I've done, by helping people.

[Living For Love]

We all have ups and downs in our lives, and having that double personality is a pretty common thing when you're going through some kind of mental crisis. I think you just need to learn how to control yourself, and a therapist is definitely a good start. And you're not a monster, you deserve to live like anyone else, everyone commits mistakes, yes, but we need to be sensible enough to realise we're not perfect and we can correct them. Stay strong.

[Leprous]

We all have ups and downs in our lives, and having that double personality is a pretty common thing when you're going through some kind of mental crisis. I think you just need to learn how to control yourself, and a therapist is definitely a good start. And you're not a monster, you deserve to live like anyone else, everyone commits mistakes, yes, but we need to be sensible enough to realise we're not perfect and we can correct them. Stay strong.

Well, I've always been trying to stay strong, for so long. I'm at a breaking point, if anything bad happens, I don't know what I'll do then, but won't be good.