Problems

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

My girlfriend's going through a lot at the moment, between her abusive mom, her brother being kicked out of the house and lots of people leaving her life, and her health problems as is, she's not too happy and its affecting me as well, I don't know what to do...I feel like I'm not fullfilling my...job as her boyfriend, i don't know what to do to make her feel better in these situations. I feel quite useless right now. :/

I dunno if this is the right place, seems like it is, so I'll say yes. Any help would be heavily appreciated.

[jay92]

just tell her ya love her (if ya do)
you will always be there for her, hug her while you say this. Give her a kiss

Or just go out and have fun all the time, take her mind off her family problems, then it will seem like being with you is the way to stay happy kinda thing...

+ yes it is the right spot to post this

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

Well, she knows that I love her, I tell her at least 16 times a day, and I've told her all of this, and she told me it makes her feel better that I do care, but like...I can't take her mind off of it, i've tried so many times

[jay92]

well dont stop telling her this stuff...
and yea im sure her mind does go off it, like if ur making out or whatever she wouldnt be thinking about her mum :S if so thats kinda creepy

just keep trying, try new things and go out allot. Dont loose faith

[JoshDude]

The only thing you can really do is be there for her. I mean, as long as you stick with her and tell her you love her, she will eventually get over the issues. Just a matter of time.

[Requin]

Stick with her and give her sympathy if she wants it. Some don't.
You oculd try to cheer her up, take her to the cinema etc.lol

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

Her mind isn't on it all of the time, but there's times when it just comes up, and its just bad :/

[scatman]

ask her if she wants to talk about it?

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

We talk about it all of the time. I know exactly what goes on, I've seen it, its just there's nothing I can do about it.

[jaymacs]

I'm sorry to be a downer...but no, there really is nothing you can do about it.

She doesn't need someone to distract her, because in the end, her life is still there.

And she doesn't need to hear that you love her or care for her. She knows that. I mean, if you say it 16 times a day that's completely cool, but you shouldn't say it to make her feel better.

Also, you shouldn't be carrying her. Yes, you are her boyfriend, but it's not your "job" to make her feel better. If you make her feel better, that's that; you should concentrate on yourself first, though. Always you first. Because if you're not happy, and try to cheer her up, that's kind of pointless. Make yourself happy, and then show her that there's a possibility for life to be good again. And then her life may get better, but you weren't the one carrying her across the road of life -- she did it, it'll teach her how to do it again if it happens.

Your only real job as boyfriend is to listen to her if she needs to talk, and metaphorically, to lift her up when she falls. Don't make her rely on you to feel good.

What's worked best with me when girls have a situation is not to say anything. My advice is as goes: if she has a problem, or wants to talk, don't even talk back. Let her get it out, let her vent, and then give her a big hug and hold her tight. Let her cry into your shoulder if she needs to, but still, don't say anything. Just listen. And then, when she's worn out her vocal chords, give her another hug and tell her it'll eventually be okay. Or she may not even want to talk, as long as you're there with a smile and a hug, you're doing fine.

I hope everything works out for you guys. Remind her...everything always gets better in time.

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

Haha dude, you're cool :3

Anyway,
I have no response to line 1.

I don't say it to make her feel better, I say it cos I mean it.

I'm not happy when she's unhappy, I see where you're coming from.

And, I know her, she will keep it all inside unless I say something.
But, the thing htat bothers me, is I can help basically ANYONE else, but her. I just don't know what to say at times. But thank you again :3