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View Full Version : My girlfriend is actively avoiding me....


miguelc
August 12th, 2014, 04:13 PM
This is gonna be a long one, and for that I apologize.

Me and my girlfriend got together a week and a half ago. We are 2 hours apart because she lives upstate. I'm moving up to a college this Friday that's only 30 min away from her. This past week her grandmother had died. The second she told me I immediately hopped in my car and drove down there to comfort her. Well after that she became exceedingly distant. Rarely texting me back, not answering my calls, and whenever I ask her if I can come see her she makes up some sort of excuse as to why I can't. Such as, "I have practice all day," or "I'm hanging out with a friend," which never do these things actually happen. I guess she thinks I'm an idiot. I keep reminding her that I'm here for her but then she just says, "ok."

When we weren't dating she never would have shut me out like this. That's the main reason why we started dating is because I was always the person she came to with any type of problem. Especially something like this.

At any rate, after her grandmother's funeral she texted me apologizing for shutting me out. At this point, I thought things would go back to being somewhat normal, no, they just got even worse.

I get that this is her way of grieving and I am constantly reminding myself that, but damn it, it's hard. If she would just tell me that she needs to be alone, I would understand. I'm not unreasonable, but the fact that she is avoiding me is making me question if she even wants to be with me. It's driving me mad.

What do you think I should do?

birkett565
August 12th, 2014, 05:04 PM
I had a girlfriend that did exactly the same we were really close but when we started to date she didn't speak to me as much, after the first month it started to get a lot better. If its anything like that shes just scared of the relationship and is trying not to mess it up, i think you find things will get back to normal in no time so id say stick with it :)

miguelc
August 12th, 2014, 05:20 PM
I had a girlfriend that did exactly the same we were really close but when we started to date she didn't speak to me as much, after the first month it started to get a lot better. If its anything like that shes just scared of the relationship and is trying not to mess it up, i think you find things will get back to normal in no time so id say stick with it :)

I don't think it's that. She's grieving and this is the way she copes, she shuts the world out. I completely understand why she's doing it. It just sucks when someone you love pushes you away and won't let you help.

Thatcooldude
August 13th, 2014, 10:55 PM
Sometime's people need to be alone in order to deal with things, it's just the way they heal. I say give her some time, you'll find things will return to normal sooner than you think.

Klokotnitza
August 14th, 2014, 03:01 AM
I'd give her some time,then have a talk.If she still keeps the same behavior i would dump her and find another one.

Phonix
August 14th, 2014, 07:20 PM
I'd give her some time alone. Sometimes people cope with grief from being alone. It's like healing a cut, a scalp grows over it and you don't touch it, you let it fall off on it's own so that it won't become a scar. I would just keep telling her that I'm there for her, and that I'll always listen.

Gumleaf
August 15th, 2014, 02:28 AM
I think she probably just needs her space. If I were you I would leave her alone for a while and if after an appropriate time frame, maybe another couple of weeks, Then just tell her how you are feeling if she hasn't started to open up more. There is also another possibility and that is that she is just growing into the relationship and she needs time to do that too. Just a couple of thoughts and I hope things work out for you.