"Betrayal"

[JustNathan]

This is the first poem I made. It took me less than 15 minutes to make, I'm serious.
Please no rude comments, thanks.
Here it is:

"Betrayal"

I thought I loved you.
And you kept my secrets too.
You helped when I felt blue.
But, it's too good to be true.

You seem so happy you could fly.
You act like you're a great guy.
And yet, I'm sitting here, wanting to cry.
I feel like I want to die.

You smile when you're in bed.
Cheerful thoughts fill your head.
But with everything that's been said,
I'm crying myself to sleep, wishing I were dead...

...

But that's not enough. You want more.
It's like watching me suffer is what you adore.
You've hurt my heart, all the way to the core.
I've never felt this pain before.

I trusted you with my heart.
And while I cared for yours, you tore mine apart.
You pierced it, like you used a dart.
You destroyed my heart, that's what you call that "art".

I always ask myself, "Why?"
Why did change come across this guy?
It's been too long since you've told me "Bye."
It's because of you, that I decided to die...

(Directed to the one who's hurt me the most...)

[goodnightxmoonx]

This was actually surprisingly good, for a fifteen-minute poem! If you are serious about getting into poetry though, I think maybe you should take a step back from all the rhyming. Some of the lines do feel a tiny bit forced, as if you were trying too hard to make it rhyme, and the rhythm would be slightly off. I'm certain you could write really well if you didn't have the "restriction" of rhyming.

I could really feel your emotions through this poem. Great job!