Need help getting over a girl.

[rhos]

“You think ‘Okay, I get it, I’m prepared for the worst’, but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. That’s what kills you.”
Stephen King, “Joyland”

Heyo, first time posting, sorry if I get something wrong. I've got a bit of girl trouble and I sort of need to dump my feelings on you guys. I'll tell you a story.

A year ago, I met a girl through a mutual friend. We liked each other, that much was obvious to anyone who would see us together, but not so much to us ourselves. We were two of the most awkward people around and, neither of us having been in a relationship before, we didn't really know how to start. That being said, around 6 months later we finally hooked up at that same mutual friend's party. It was my first kiss, and the first that she wanted.

The relationship went well for a while, going from one high to another, but inevitably it slowed to a near stop. She was stressed about exams, and the once daily text conversations turned to weekly polite "how are you?"s. We agreed to break up, since we knew it wasn't working out - we hadn't seen each other in weeks. We remained friends and still talk from time to time, but I didn't see her until a ten-day holiday that only ended last Friday, which is where the problem came in.

I had never really gotten over her, since the wording of the breakup ("It's not the ideal situation to be in right now" rather than "I don't love you") made me hold onto a little hope that one day we'd get back together. So here I am, in the same place as I was when I started, except this time she's not as interested in me as she was before. Unfortunately, she's been sending little signals which I feel are leaving me clutching at straws - hanging around me in large crowds, blowing me a kiss when she last said goodbye, things like that. I'm cringing as I write this because I know I'm just looking for something to tell me that she feels the way she did about me months ago, but it's that small hope which makes them so significant to me.

She doesn't start conversations with me anymore. I feel clingy when I talk to her. She is almost certainly over me, but I'm almost certainly not over her.

I guess what I'm asking is: how do I snuff out this small hope and stop acting like an idiot?

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

[Gumleaf]

I'm no expert at this, but have had a similar experience except mine was more the friend zone then a relationship scenario. I had a really close friend and then we started talking less, which was more happening on her end then mine. it came to a point where I mentioned it to her and she gave various reasons why she didn't feel close to me anymore, but at the same time still talked to me every now and again leaving the door open to me that there was still hope when in reality, there wasn't any hope. She had moved on and I hadn't.

Like I said, i'm no expert, I can only tell you what I did. I started talking with other people and not have all my eggs in one basket sort of thing. I started trying to make new friends to try and forget about her. I started doing other things I enjoy to try and forget about how she made me feel good about myself and use other things to fill that space. Eventually then I was able to talk to her without getting myself all worked up about it like I did before. I'm not sure if this will work for you, but it did for me.