Need help with my brother

[superchris]

So me and my brother are pretty close. We tell each other about everything that's happening in our lives. But lately my little brother Alex has been acting different/ kind of like he's holding something back from me but every time I ask him about it he just gets mad and tells me to drop it. He's never been like this before, like hes holding something back. Does anybody here know of any way that I can get my brother to open up to me and tell me what's wrong?

[Bmble_B]

I think that one day you should just walk up to him and reassure him that he can tell you anything since you two are brothers. After that I think you should stop asking him about it if he's been resistant for this long, then it's obviously a really big secret. He'll most likely tell you in time, but for now you should stop asking him.

[Living For Love]

It might be something which is worrying him but he's not comfortable to tell you about it, not because he doesn't trust you, but perhaps he just wants to keep it to himself. Tell him that if he needs anything you're there to help him, and that he doesn't need to hide anything from you because you know how to keep secrets and how to help. Either way, make sure you're not too intrusive about it, you need to respect his privacy as well. I think that he will either tell you about it or simply forget it, me and my brother always reconciliate, no matter how big the argument we've had was.

[Were]

Maybe tell him that you feel bad when he is mad and that he shares his problem with you,assure him that what ever it is,you will never tell anyone and maybe promise him that things will get better after he shares his problem with you.

[superchris]

I tried assuring him that he could trust tell me anything but he just got mad at me and told me to stop bugging him about and to leave him alone. I know you guys said to stop asking about it but I can't stand just sitting here while I know something's bugging him this much. I just wish I could get him to tell me

[Living For Love]

I tried assuring him that he could trust tell me anything but he just got mad at me and told me to stop bugging him about and to leave him alone. I know you guys said to stop asking about it but I can't stand just sitting here while I know something's bugging him this much. I just wish I could get him to tell me

Well, if he had that reaction, then maybe you should leave him alone for a bit, otherwise he can get seriously mad at you. Don't worry about it, when things calm down, he will realise how much you were worried about him, and he will thank you for it. Just make sure you keep an eye on him, see if you can find out what's bugging him without asking him directly, but be careful. You might be brothers and even have a really close relationship, but it's still his life, and he's entitled to his privacy.

[riverboy]

He will only tell you what's bugging him when he is ready. If you push it he will only push back. Just be patient is the best for now.

[superchris]

Well this morning I heard him crying and punching the wall or something in his room and as hard as it was I just left him alone. I was hoping that he would talk to me after but he's not come out of his room since then. Part of me wants to go and be with him and try to talk to him but another part of me wants to just keep my distance and wait for him to come to me. I just feel bad not being there for him right now though.

[Living For Love]

Well this morning I heard him crying and punching the wall or something in his room and as hard as it was I just left him alone. I was hoping that he would talk to me after but he's not come out of his room since then. Part of me wants to go and be with him and try to talk to him but another part of me wants to just keep my distance and wait for him to come to me. I just feel bad not being there for him right now though.

Oh man, that doesn't sound good, he must be really involved in some kind of trouble, or struggling with something. Do you have any idea what might it be? Like, something that happened recently and made him really upset. I know this is not easy for you as well, but if he keeps distancing and isolating himself like that, I guess there's nothing you can do... You could always just approach him when he's feeling a bit better and ask him to play a game with you or something, like pretending nothing is wrong, and see his reaction.

[fast8]

I would just tell him there is nothing he could say to you that would make u mad at him and you might be able to help him with his problem you will keep it just between you and him no one else needs to know

[superchris]

Oh man, that doesn't sound good, he must be really involved in some kind of trouble, or struggling with something. Do you have any idea what might it be? Like, something that happened recently and made him really upset. I know this is not easy for you as well, but if he keeps distancing and isolating himself like that, I guess there's nothing you can do... You could always just approach him when he's feeling a bit better and ask him to play a game with you or something, like pretending nothing is wrong, and see his reaction.

When he finally came out of his room a little bit ago I asked him if he wanted to play a xbox game or something. He said ok but as we were playing he didn't really seem like he wanted to play though. He seemed really distracted and didn't really talk much. I didn't say anything about what I heard earlier though I could clearly tell he had been crying. So I'm not really sure if that was a good reaction or not

[Living For Love]

When he finally came out of his room a little bit ago I asked him if he wanted to play a xbox game or something. He said ok but as we were playing he didn't really seem like he wanted to play though. He seemed really distracted and didn't really talk much. I didn't say anything about what I heard earlier though I could clearly tell he had been crying. So I'm not really sure if that was a good reaction or not

Well, it's already good that you managed to make him play a game with you, even if he didn't seem very interested. I don't think you should tell him that you heard him crying the other day, otherwise he might think you were spying on him or something. Keep doing these sort of activities with him, but once again, don't put too much pressure on your brother. I think that, sooner, or later, he might tell you what's wrong with him.

[riverboy]

Well, it's already good that you managed to make him play a game with you, even if he didn't seem very interested. I don't think you should tell him that you heard him crying the other day, otherwise he might think you were spying on him or something. Keep doing these sort of activities with him, but once again, don't put too much pressure on your brother. I think that, sooner, or later, he might tell you what's wrong with him.

I think you did it right. I agree with Dance in the Dark.

[superchris]

So I heard him crying again in the middle of the night, but like last time I decided to leave him alone and not try and find out what was wrong. He seemed to be ok today when he woke up though, so I asked him if he wanted to play a game again, but he didnt want to. Since he hasn't been out of the house in a few days I thought it might be good to do something outside with him. So I asked him if he wanted to go skateboarding or something but he just freaked out, hit me, and told me to f*** off then he went to his room and he hasn't been out since. I know this is a terrible idea, but I just want to force him to tell me whats wrong. I'm sick of seeing him like this and I just want to help him.

[Living For Love]

So I heard him crying again in the middle of the night, but like last time I decided to leave him alone and not try and find out what was wrong. He seemed to be ok today when he woke up though, so I asked him if he wanted to play a game again, but he didnt want to. Since he hasn't been out of the house in a few days I thought it might be good to do something outside with him. So I asked him if he wanted to go skateboarding or something but he just freaked out, hit me, and told me to f*** off then he went to his room and he hasn't been out since. I know this is a terrible idea, but I just want to force him to tell me whats wrong. I'm sick of seeing him like this and I just want to help him.
The way he's acting is starting to get really weird. We already know he's upset because of something that happened, but I'm simply not understanding why all that aggressiveness towards you. Sorry if this sounds a bit rude, but is there any possibility that you might have done something to make him so upset to the point of spending nights crying? It's just because you have to consider all the possibilities here. If nothing else is working, and seeing how all this situation is affecting you as well, I think your last option is to just approach him and demand him to tell you what's going on. You're worried about him and you want to help him somehow, as a brother, and he keeps telling you to leave him alone and being disrespectful. The way he's been treating you is really unfair.

[superchris]

As far as I know I haven't done anything that would upset him like this. But when I just went in his room a little bit ago and (this was probably a bit of a harsh thing to do) scared him enough and he finally said that he wants to tell me whats wrong but he cant. I told him he can trust me and if he just told me what is wrong that I could help him but he just kept saying he cant tell me and that I just need to forget about all of this. He started getting mad at me again so I've decided to leave him alone for a bit. I don't know if I should just lock him in a room with me and not let him leave until he finally tells me or if I just need to be more of a bully and get more aggressive with him about it

[riverboy]

Can you talk to one of his friends that might know what is going on? I don't know if this is spying but the time has come to do some thing.

[deregisterme]

As far as I know I haven't done anything that would upset him like this. But when I just went in his room a little bit ago and (this was probably a bit of a harsh thing to do) scared him enough and he finally said that he wants to tell me whats wrong but he cant. I told him he can trust me and if he just told me what is wrong that I could help him but he just kept saying he cant tell me and that I just need to forget about all of this. He started getting mad at me again so I've decided to leave him alone for a bit. I don't know if I should just lock him in a room with me and not let him leave until he finally tells me or if I just need to be more of a bully and get more aggressive with him about it

Maybe it's something outwith your control. I hope he's not being bullied. Would you talk to your parents about it?

[Living For Love]

As far as I know I haven't done anything that would upset him like this. But when I just went in his room a little bit ago and (this was probably a bit of a harsh thing to do) scared him enough and he finally said that he wants to tell me whats wrong but he cant. I told him he can trust me and if he just told me what is wrong that I could help him but he just kept saying he cant tell me and that I just need to forget about all of this. He started getting mad at me again so I've decided to leave him alone for a bit. I don't know if I should just lock him in a room with me and not let him leave until he finally tells me or if I just need to be more of a bully and get more aggressive with him about it

The way you want to find out about what's worrying him so much is up to you, you know him better than anyone else, you know the most appropriate way, just keep in mind that you should go easy on him. If he says he "can't tell you", then it might be something that would make you angry, or embarrassed, for some reason, probably, so make sure you set that straight with him, say that you won't be mad at him, whatever it is he has to tell you.

[superchris]

I only know a couple of his friends but they just said that they havent really even talked to him for over a week now. He hasn't replied to their txt messages or answered their phone calls. They have no idea what is wrong with him. They said the last time they talked to him he seemed fine. So at this point I'm running out of ideas. Earlier today he took a baseball bat outside and started slamming it against a tree for a while until he looked like he was exhausted and crying. One of our neighbors saw him and tried talking to him be he just yelled f***ing leave me alone at him and ran back inside the house. I tried talking to him again after that and it really looked like he was going to tell me what was wrong but he just ended up saying "I wish I could tell you but it will just make things worse if I do so please just drop it" I've been trying to figure out how things will get worse if he tells me but I really have no idea.

I have come up with something that might get him to finally tell me but I wanted your opinions about it before I try it. But he first told me that he wanted to tell me after he got mad and hit me, so what I'm thinking is maybe if I make him mad enough at me that he hurts me again in some way that maybe that maybe I can get him to at lease give me a little information about what is wrong. But this may be a terrible idea which is why I wanted your opinions about it first.


UPDATE:

So after a lot of work I finally got him to tell me what's wrong. He did a webcam for some random person naked. He says that he feels really dirty and that the world is going to judge him if people find out about this. He didn't want to tell me because he is ashamed and afraid that I will tell more people about it which will just make things worse for him. So I guess I have a new problem now. How do I help him through this? He's made me promise to never tell mom about this so that's not even a possibility. I want to help him but I'm just not really sure how

[Living For Love]

So after a lot of work I finally got him to tell me what's wrong. He did a webcam for some random person naked. He says that he feels really dirty and that the world is going to judge him if people find out about this. He didn't want to tell me because he is ashamed and afraid that I will tell more people about it which will just make things worse for him. So I guess I have a new problem now. How do I help him through this? He's made me promise to never tell mom about this so that's not even a possibility. I want to help him but I'm just not really sure how

Well, I guess we now understand why he didn't want to tell you what was wrong with him. Assure him that you won't tell it to anyone else. If he did it with a random stranger, then I'm pretty sure he has nothing to worry about, it was just a random hook-up through the Internet, I'm sure the other person doesn't even remember his face right now. He's feeling that way because it was his first time, probably, but he shouldn't be worrying so much about it to the point of feeling "dirty" and crying at night. Just be there for him, and try to have fun with him, going outside, playing games, basically just help him forget it ever happened.

[superchris]

Well, I guess we now understand why he didn't want to tell you what was wrong with him. Assure him that you won't tell it to anyone else. If he did it with a random stranger, then I'm pretty sure he has nothing to worry about, it was just a random hook-up through the Internet, I'm sure the other person doesn't even remember his face right now. He's feeling that way because it was his first time, probably, but he shouldn't be worrying so much about it to the point of feeling "dirty" and crying at night. Just be there for him, and try to have fun with him, going outside, playing games, basically just help him forget it ever happened.

He's been a complete wreck since he's told me. He is still getting moments where he is really angry and I try to help him calm down but he just get really physical with me and I basically have to hold him down until he finally calms down. I've been telling him that he's not a bad person for doing this 1 time. It was just a mistake and he can get through this. But really the anger is the biggest issue right now. It's hard having to take all of those hours from him while I'm trying to calm him down

[Living For Love]

He's been a complete wreck since he's told me. He is still getting moments where he is really angry and I try to help him calm down but he just get really physical with me and I basically have to hold him down until he finally calms down. I've been telling him that he's not a bad person for doing this 1 time. It was just a mistake and he can get through this. But really the anger is the biggest issue right now. It's hard having to take all of those hours from him while I'm trying to calm him down

There's pretty much nothing you can do in order to make him feel better if he doesn't realise it only happened once and he can simply move on from it. A bit of counselling would also help, but if he doesn't want anyone to know, then I guess that's not an option. Every person has done at least one thing they feel ashamed of, and it's normal, it happens, but as long as we keep thinking about it, we won't be able to shake off those guilty feelings. I know it's not easy, I also got those "dirty" and "anger" feelings" when I was abused, but now I think about it and it doesn't affect me so much, not because it happened a long time ago, but because I've learned to look at it with a different perspective. He probably won't forget what happened, but maybe in the future he will just remember it and simply laugh at it. In the meantime, try to make him not to think about what happened, help him moving on with his life like nothing happened.

[superchris]

There's pretty much nothing you can do in order to make him feel better if he doesn't realise it only happened once and he can simply move on from it. A bit of counselling would also help, but if he doesn't want anyone to know, then I guess that's not an option. Every person has done at least one thing they feel ashamed of, and it's normal, it happens, but as long as we keep thinking about it, we won't be able to shake off those guilty feelings. I know it's not easy, I also got those "dirty" and "anger" feelings" when I was abused, but now I think about it and it doesn't affect me so much, not because it happened a long time ago, but because I've learned to look at it with a different perspective. He probably won't forget what happened, but maybe in the future he will just remember it and simply laugh at it. In the meantime, try to make him not to think about what happened, help him moving on with his life like nothing happened.

Yeah counseling is definitely not a possibility. I'll do my best to show him that he will be able to forget about all of this. But until then I guess he's stuck with this. I just wish I could take away the anger and guilt from him so he can have peace of mind for a night at least so he can get some sleep. He hasn't been sleeping much since this all happened

[pjones]

every day give him a hug and kiss and tell him you love him. i bet after awhile he starts to get over the unfortunate situation. good luck to both of you!