I dont know anymore

[Shygurl]

So. I promised my friends I wouldnt cut. I promised my boyfriend and brother I wouldnt cut. Never thought my brother would care. Anyways. So. I broke that promise. I still cut. Well. I started up again for the 5th time about 3 days ago. I saw a blade in the guest room in my grandmothers house. I told myself no. My brother and I started fighting again. One night i cut. 3 times in my wrist. And many times on my stomach. I did it on my stomach because he called me fat. And i dont know. I knew the shirt would hide the scars since all i own is short sleeve. I dont know whether to tell my bf and brother that I started again. I dont know if I should tell my friends. I honestly have no idea if i should tell my family whats been happening. I worry that they will judge me. Like always. I dont know what to do. Can someone please help me out? Im lost and confused.

[thatgothgirluknow]

hey try to be strong talking to someone helps allot maybe talk with your bf im here if u need me the blade wont help u any in the end it only causes more trouble trust me

[BLONE]

Hey you shouldnt cut yourself think of all that you are worth sybcaring yourself will cause regret dont listen to your brother listen to yourself if you say you are bueatiful then you are dont listen to people who say bad things about you dont rely on others to make you happy only yourself you are the centre of your unverse so dont destroy who you are by hurting yourself build be saying good things about yourself sibling rivarly is common so its a passing stage you just have to make it through it so dont cut yourself and use tissue oil or baby oil to make the cuts not scar sorry cant remember which one it is

Its my first time posting i just joined because i wanted to let you know people do care about you

Please don't double post, if you have something to add, use the edit button instead. ~Siobhan.

[Shygurl]

It isnt the sibling rivalry. It isnt a phase. Its been years for me. On and off. Its all the pain amd regret that i know i caused others that makes me cut time and time again.

[BLONE]

What do you get out of cutting yourself does it give you a feeling of release or pain or pleasure what do you feel when you do it

[Shygurl]

Release. It makes me feel like im worth something. It helps. And tere is this weird feeling that i always feel. I dont know what it is or how to explain it but its what keeps me addicted to it.

[BLONE]

You must find something to take your mind off it find something else you like as a realease do you like videogames

[xXoblivionXx]

Hey katelyn, it's going to be all right hun. That's what self harm does to a person, it's a vicious cycle and it's hard toget out of. Next time you want to cut come on VT and make a post, message me or anyone for that matter we are here to help each other. Your family and friends care about you, and so do we :hug3: it's going to be okay, stay strong and keep trying

[Piercethehorizon]

I feel you. I try so hard to keep myself up and to stop cutting but it's like what's the point if I've already been bad for so long. ����

[Shygurl]

Well. Its glad to see people care. But. Im not always around the internet when i want to cut. Ever since i stopped 3 days ago it has been really hard. I cry non stop bc its like my body wants me to cut but i dont. I had a really huge breakdown last night but my friend was kind enough and understood that i was struggling. She kept me calm. But its not easy. I almost cut but she told me that she would hate me if i did cut.

[BLONE]

Thats a fix but its not permant you need to find something to take your minsd away from it

[Shygurl]

There is no fix.

[BLONE]

Yes there is a routine you dont cut for a long enough period of time you wont be able to do it again

[Goatzbro]

I would reccomend that you try what is called DBT therapy. It genuinely saved my life, and it had made EVERYTHING better. I reccomend that you google it and see if there is a clinic near you.

[Shygurl]

I want help. I do. But i dont want my mom finding out. That is what will happen if i do what you reccomend.

[Goatzbro]

Your mom would probably be more understanding than you think. However, I don't know your situation. At the end of the day she is your mom and wants what's best for you. Based on what you have said, getting that kind of help would be what's best and I would bet that she will go for it.

[Shygurl]

My mom will not help. She will easily say well you shouldnt be doing it because you caused this yourself. I know this bc she puts me at the fault for everything. Anytime i had a problem and i went to her she would say it. And she knew the fulls tory but she didnt care. She is not my mom. She is a woman that gave me dna and is who i have to live with for another year. I hate her and she hates me. She is one of the main reasons i cut. My mom is a lot of things. Understanding isnt one of them. She won't care what happens to me. All she ever does is yell at me for stuff i never even did. So my mom ever finding out is something that will never and can never happen.

[Goatzbro]

Hmmmm, well then I guess you have to stop cutting on your own. Just try to go one day without cutting.

[Shygurl]

Yeah. Thats obvious. Seriously. I jnow i have to stop. I cant stop

[birkett565]

I've cut myself just like you, it took me along time to realise it wasn't worth it anymore. I know the mind set your in, the best thing is to talk to the people that make you want to cut yourself it helped me a lot and now i haven't cut myself in 2 years. It's the little things that help the most.

[Shygurl]

My friend threw away my blade