Fucked Up

[Never_Forget]

Basically, nobody cares anymore. I don't care. They don't care. Nobody cares.
I used to be hyper, I found everything funny. I was the most life loving kid you would ever meet.
Nowadays hardly anything can get a laugh out of me. What I used to find funny is just boring to me now. All I feel inside is that I want people to suffer endlessly, for all the apocolyptic phrophecies to come true. My sense of humor has become more sadistic. I take pleasure in seeing people suffer. Hence why I love the ending of Jaws so much, I actually laughed when i saw that man get killed. I laughed because I liked it, the way they made it look like he was really suffering, because thats what I want to happen to everybody. I want dissent spread across the nations, pain distributed throughout the globe. There is not one living creature I would cry for. People have turned me this way. At night my dreams are of hurting people, making them feel the very essence of pain. I never used to be like this, I never used to be so bitter and twisted. Why did they have to come into my life?
Why did I have to have a life?
Why can't I be a dead, safe in cocoon of silence, unaware of the pain that once plagued me.
Unaware of the sorrow I can't help but stew in.
The festering hate.
The lies.
The unbearable taunts of everyday life.

Why?
Why can't I join my ancestors, below the surface of the earth, or scattered across the wastelands of the world.
That's all it is to me.
Wasteland.
Dreams don't come true, neither do wishes.
Just as well, otherwise the suffering would never cease.

And it wouldn't be mine.

[Antares]

Sometimes life is screwed up...but all we can do is just wish life becomes good in the end. Not when we die but when we have no worries and were old senior citizens in our rocking chairs. Yeah there are hard time but we have to fight and perservre through them.
I hope everything comes out well for you. But death is not the answer.

Good Luck!! :D

[ScotsGirl]

Basically, nobody cares anymore. I don't care. They don't care. Nobody cares.
I used to be hyper, I found everything funny. I was the most life loving kid you would ever meet.
Nowadays hardly anything can get a laugh out of me. What I used to find funny is just boring to me now.

We care.
So what changed? What do you think has made you look at everything in such a dim light?

xxx

[Techno Monster]

It will get better, if it dose not then consider seeing someone.

[Prince Jellyfish]

At least you aren't your own grandfather.

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

People can and are horrible. I understand exactly what you mean, every word of it. I have came to believe that the human race doesn't deserve to live, but then I realized it was wrong, we are here for a reason, as unjust of a race as we can be we have a reason, it's not to die, its do accomplish something. iono what it is but its something. all you can do is know that not everyone is horrible, not everyone doesn't care, not everyone is a liar. the world is fucked up, but not everything on it. embrace those parts of the world, whats left of it needs to stay alive.

[Never_Forget]

We care.
So what changed? What do you think has made you look at everything in such a dim light?

xxx

I don't know, but I feel like I've died inside.

[thesphinx]

I understand what your saying because I was once like this, You have to try and figure out what is real and what isn't are these thoughts of people in pain really what's making you happy? You can get your old self back nothing is permanent so don't give up.

[ScotsGirl]

are these thoughts of people in pain really what's making you happy?

Or is it the thought that you are not alone in your misery?

Have you ever talked to a doctor/psychologist about how you feel?

Life's a bitch and blah blah blah. But at the end of the day, some people don't even get a chance to carry on with their life and others do. That there, is reason enough to want to live. But not only that, to actually do something.
I dont mean something spectacular, you can run a marathon if you want (Im being serious by the way, its not impossible, just find out where one is near you and start training) I just mean the little things. Helping people is one of the best ways, because not only do you feel happy that you are contributing, but you make someone else happy too.
Instead of sitting around wishing you were 6ft under with your ancestors, make them proud.

There will always be the bad. But if it wasn't for the bad, then no one would ever be able to fully appreciate the good.

I know right now very little we say is going to make a difference to how you feel, because the only person who can change what you think is you. But I hope that soon, you realise people do care, and that you can be happy. Its up to you if you want to make it happen though.

Good luck :)

xxx

[Crystal-Clear]

Perhaps you should look to where this change occured inside of you.
See what triggered such a drastic change in character. Then work on it from there.

You can't join your ancestors, because it's not your time to go.
You say 'Why did they have to come into my life?' I'm guessing someone,somewhere, affected you, who is this 'they'? Perhaps that will help answer why things changed for you.

Keep on going, you can change yourself, but only if you want too.