KimuraWannabe116
July 26th, 2014, 09:03 PM
First of all, I'm not suicidal
Ever since I found my cousin after he committed suicide 3 weeks ago I have felt like it would be alright if I would die now. I've never really been happy with my life, as I've been pretty much depressed throughout my whole life, though I don't show it. When it seems things are "calming down" in my head, and that things are going "smoothly" something else happens that makes me have a set back. Though, as this incident had happened with my cousin, instead of becoming more depressed, I've sort of gone into this calmness stage, where I wouldn't mind if I die now in anyway. Of course I am very upset and confused in why my cousin would do what he did, but in all, this calmness has set in, and I just don't feel happy at all anymore. If I were to go to sleep tonight, and not wake up, it would be like winning the lottery for me. Granted, I don't feel suicidal now, but I wouldn't mind just letting go, and dying.
Ever since I found my cousin after he committed suicide 3 weeks ago I have felt like it would be alright if I would die now. I've never really been happy with my life, as I've been pretty much depressed throughout my whole life, though I don't show it. When it seems things are "calming down" in my head, and that things are going "smoothly" something else happens that makes me have a set back. Though, as this incident had happened with my cousin, instead of becoming more depressed, I've sort of gone into this calmness stage, where I wouldn't mind if I die now in anyway. Of course I am very upset and confused in why my cousin would do what he did, but in all, this calmness has set in, and I just don't feel happy at all anymore. If I were to go to sleep tonight, and not wake up, it would be like winning the lottery for me. Granted, I don't feel suicidal now, but I wouldn't mind just letting go, and dying.