Liking Someone

[Urban]

It's all too common when someone approaches me and goes "Hey mate, I have this massive crush on ---- girl, could you please tell me how I could ask her if she feels the same?" and I answer that same question time and time again.. but what it does make me question in myself is the noticeable absence of having any strong feelings towards any one person. Sure, I can see an attractive female on the street and it may even be a turn-on, but I've never really felt the whole 'liking someone' thing in my life, ever.

I can definitely see myself in a relationship with a girl, things going very smoothly - but what I don't see is me having feelings for someone any time soon, as I'm nearly in 11th grade and it hasn't happened my entire life. For now, I firmly do believe in that when the right person comes along, I'll naturally feel a sense of strong emotional attraction. I know asexuality is definitely up in the air, but I'm really not feeling as if that could be the case, as the thought of one day being in a happy relationship makes me happy.

My question to you guys is, can you relate to this; not having a crush on someone? Sure as hell, people think I'm lying when I say "I don't like anyone" to the common question "So... who do you like?" because it's just that hard to believe that a teenager doesn't have a crush on someone.

[Hufty]

It sure sounds like you're in a confusing place. I can relate almost 100% - I'm getting tired of the reactions of people after they ask if I like anyone. And I do have a few "crushes", although I feel as if they might not be on a personal level but perhaps only sexual. Even those only last a couple weeks at most. I can easily see myself in a relationship in the future, but, just like you, can only hope for the right person to come along so that I can finally experience a strong emotional attraction. What you expressed about asexuality and relationships was like you were typing out my thoughts. Ive never really considered asexuality an option, because I know deep down that I'm not, but there is still a nagging voice in the back of my mind. The only thing that I can do to quell it is to reassure myself that really, there is no rush. We're still just teenagers - it's a time to explore and figure out what's wrong and what's right and what will fit in our lives and make us who we are. I firmly believe that when we pop out the other end of puberty and into adulthood, we will have it figured out. Perhaps we figured it out by finally meeting that person. And if we don't? Than what's so bad about going back into the mixing pot? Your 20's will be filled with even more running around trying to see what glove fits. But the good thing about us being so young is that again, there is no rush. Don't have a girlfriend until you're 22(which seems pretty early into adulthood, but it's still 7 whole years into the future!)? Watch the rest of your friends get dragged down and enjoy being a bachelor! You still have many, many more years to find someone. You might find that you can't get your mind off that new girl who moved here from California and is in 3 of your classes next year. No girl move from California? Than mess around - not having a strong emotional attachment can be a perk in some ways. Where we are in life -stuck between the duties of being an adult who has their crap figured out and a teenager who is still having to ask a teacher to go to the bathroom - is probably the hardest time in our lives. But we do have one thing on our side, which is the promise of many years of opportunity and exploration for that someone. I think it's kinda cool that even though I live halfway across the world and, I'll admit, have a different sexuality (I think...?) it can feel like someone is writing down my thoughts exactly. Hope this helps, and good luck.