Edward V
July 22nd, 2014, 01:35 PM
Hello. I'll start with the begenning. I'm almost 20 y/o, single. I used "The weird me" on title because that's how i see myself. I'll have 2 stories for you to digest, so sit back, relax and read.
1.The Heart says "YES YES YEEEEES!" but the brain says "HELL NO!":
So, i have a girl friend (that's right, not girlfriend) who i use to hang out sometimes. I'm verry good friend with her brother and somehow i use this as an advantage. We used to be good friends, that's right she FRIENDZONED me, in the begenning I didn't felt any love for her until NOW!. She became to me the most beautiful girl i ever know, and there's the part when the heart says "YES YES YEEEEES!". Now the brain part: She is a cold person, emotionless i would say, thinking straight to the subject, somehow waaaaaaaaay to mature. She barely crack a smile and when it does it's because i make jokes. She had some experiences with boys and now she think we are all the same. I've been to her house and met her parents. They are 2 cold persons, acting with childs like they have 13 y/o and by the way that girl and her brother both have over 18 y/o. They hurt my feelings by judging all the things i do, making me feel like a worthless dirty sock threw out to trash. I tryed to get away from them, to deny my feelings, to control myself. Somehow i hate them, not that hard, but i feel unconfortable around them (all of them). Personally i want a girl who is more "alive" if you know what i mean. Still when this girl popps up, my heart start trying to take control. There are more things i could talk about but i want to be short. My heart says "YES YES YEEEEEES!" and my brain says "HELL NO!".
2. The brain say "NO" the heart say "NO" until NOW.
So, there is a girl, an ex-girlfriend of one of my best friends. They broke up after 4 years of relationship. I have to admit, that girl is simply PERFECT!. After she broke up she start talking with me on facebook. We used to talk hours and hours and barely stop. First she contact me in order to find out some news about her ex-boyrfriend wich she still loved him. I knew from the begenning her intentions but i just let her do the thing. Later she admited and apologized. I didn't got mad because i knew it from the begenning. After that she had a terrible depression, she needed someone to rise her morale. I've earn her thrust and let her tell me whatever she think she'd make her feel better. Somehow she relesed all her feelings on me and helpt her a lot. She surpass the depression and became happy again. As I sayd, we used to chat a lot hours and hours. She was the one who initiate the conversations. Seing she can't catch my intrest on her, she moved on and met my cousin. Now they are togeder. So the intresting part is that now i just start gaining some feelings on her. Usually i have an unspoken rule that i CAN'T fall in love with someone who's alredy taken. I didn't created that rule, i just can't fall in love with someone's girlfriend, that's all, i don't feel anything for her. I'm somehow confused because i'm soo happy because i see her with my cousin because i know bouth of them and i know they fit perfectly, and yet i would like to be mine :wub:. I know it sounds selfish, and i guarantee you i won't do any actions. I just wanted to shere that with you guys.
So, in conclusion, my greatest flaw is that i think global too much. When i see a girl who likes me i alredy picture her in my head when i'm gonna meet her parents, i make some compatibility tests, this thing is not good, this thing i don't like blablabla etc. and i get left with dissappointment and dissagreement. I just can't let things go by themselves. I'm afraid to be in a relationship because i don't see myself as a good person. I'm afraid that if I get in relationship with her it might be the only relationship i will have (marry her). That, my dear readers, is my biggest fear!.
I know i'l never meet the perfect girl, but still i have some standards not even I can reach them. Here my friends i think i need help.
1.The Heart says "YES YES YEEEEES!" but the brain says "HELL NO!":
So, i have a girl friend (that's right, not girlfriend) who i use to hang out sometimes. I'm verry good friend with her brother and somehow i use this as an advantage. We used to be good friends, that's right she FRIENDZONED me, in the begenning I didn't felt any love for her until NOW!. She became to me the most beautiful girl i ever know, and there's the part when the heart says "YES YES YEEEEES!". Now the brain part: She is a cold person, emotionless i would say, thinking straight to the subject, somehow waaaaaaaaay to mature. She barely crack a smile and when it does it's because i make jokes. She had some experiences with boys and now she think we are all the same. I've been to her house and met her parents. They are 2 cold persons, acting with childs like they have 13 y/o and by the way that girl and her brother both have over 18 y/o. They hurt my feelings by judging all the things i do, making me feel like a worthless dirty sock threw out to trash. I tryed to get away from them, to deny my feelings, to control myself. Somehow i hate them, not that hard, but i feel unconfortable around them (all of them). Personally i want a girl who is more "alive" if you know what i mean. Still when this girl popps up, my heart start trying to take control. There are more things i could talk about but i want to be short. My heart says "YES YES YEEEEEES!" and my brain says "HELL NO!".
2. The brain say "NO" the heart say "NO" until NOW.
So, there is a girl, an ex-girlfriend of one of my best friends. They broke up after 4 years of relationship. I have to admit, that girl is simply PERFECT!. After she broke up she start talking with me on facebook. We used to talk hours and hours and barely stop. First she contact me in order to find out some news about her ex-boyrfriend wich she still loved him. I knew from the begenning her intentions but i just let her do the thing. Later she admited and apologized. I didn't got mad because i knew it from the begenning. After that she had a terrible depression, she needed someone to rise her morale. I've earn her thrust and let her tell me whatever she think she'd make her feel better. Somehow she relesed all her feelings on me and helpt her a lot. She surpass the depression and became happy again. As I sayd, we used to chat a lot hours and hours. She was the one who initiate the conversations. Seing she can't catch my intrest on her, she moved on and met my cousin. Now they are togeder. So the intresting part is that now i just start gaining some feelings on her. Usually i have an unspoken rule that i CAN'T fall in love with someone who's alredy taken. I didn't created that rule, i just can't fall in love with someone's girlfriend, that's all, i don't feel anything for her. I'm somehow confused because i'm soo happy because i see her with my cousin because i know bouth of them and i know they fit perfectly, and yet i would like to be mine :wub:. I know it sounds selfish, and i guarantee you i won't do any actions. I just wanted to shere that with you guys.
So, in conclusion, my greatest flaw is that i think global too much. When i see a girl who likes me i alredy picture her in my head when i'm gonna meet her parents, i make some compatibility tests, this thing is not good, this thing i don't like blablabla etc. and i get left with dissappointment and dissagreement. I just can't let things go by themselves. I'm afraid to be in a relationship because i don't see myself as a good person. I'm afraid that if I get in relationship with her it might be the only relationship i will have (marry her). That, my dear readers, is my biggest fear!.
I know i'l never meet the perfect girl, but still i have some standards not even I can reach them. Here my friends i think i need help.