relapse yet again

[carolinae]

i feel like i can never get better. i stop for a while and i bring myself back to it. i've started to cut up both my forearms. its hideous. i hate it. i hate how it feels to the touch and i hate how it looks and i hate wearing long sleeves on summer and i hate not having an answer when my parents ask me why i'm wearing a jacket and i just really hate me for doing this to myself and not being able to stop.
i just am so over-emotional. i have borderline personality disorder and i get upset over stupid things and i know they're stupid but i cant help it. i cant bear the thought of people leaving me and i get myself really sad and i cut to get those feelings out because thats the only thing i know works for me.
recently i lost a friend because i seem manipulative but i just want others to stay with me because i'm so scared of being left alone and i just screwed up a friendship and i'm so fucking sad its so stupid

[Mynick]

Hey
I'm going to assume that you have read the topic with alternatives to self-harm, if you haven't please do so. Basically distractions are key. Try to have a busy timetable in order to keep your mind occupied and don't think about it.
As for your friends, do they know that you have borderline personality disorder? It may sound scary but try to tell them they may understand and try to help you.

[Charleigh]

You have basically answered your own sentences.
You can find ways online to help deal with your disorder; but just because you have a disorder doesn't mean that you are the disorder. You can overcome it, you may not be able to defeat it but you can find ways of coping.
As for loosing friendships; it seems as though in the past you have lost people you love and care about, and it is completley normal to not want anyone else to leave. But you also have to remember that everything happens for a reason. Maybe them leaving makes you stronger? Don't rely on people too much, we are jus humans. We don't live forever and sooner or later we move on and get caught up in things.
Fuck it, you're a teenager of course you're emotional; that's what we are. A big ol' bag of shitty emotions. But think of it as a toolbox; we have different tools to help us in stick situations in life, sometimes we don't have the right tools. It's not as simple as just going to the store and getting a new tool, but you have to find ways of channeling your emotions. Channel it in a way that it is healthy and also an outlet, what do you like doing? Use that as your way of putting everything life has put on you, and just let it flood.
Every one wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't have sunshine; without a little rain.

[Bmble_B]

Hey
I'm going to assume that you have read the topic with alternatives to self-harm, if you haven't please do so. Basically distractions are key. Try to have a busy timetable in order to keep your mind occupied and don't think about it.
As for your friends, do they know that you have borderline personality disorder? It may sound scary but try to tell them they may understand and try to help you.

I completely agree with Mynick, and also if you need anyone else to speak to, me plus everyone else on VT are here to help you! :)