1_21Guns
July 11th, 2014, 05:52 PM
Honestly, my meds are.. well.. were.. have been working and I've been feeling better, but my healths taken decline over the last year or so, at first the doctors just put it down to IBS, but a couple of weeks ago I had a blood test for all sorts because it sounds more like Celiac Disease, which sounds scary enough without the knowledge it's not a gluten intolerance, it's an autoimmune disease, and at the moment it's really looking like it's going to turn out to be that because they want to do that test again next week, presumably to confirm. I'm just so so tired, I start recovering from one thing and then my immune system decides to turn on me. Shits hard enough as it is without this on top of it, and my mother doesn't seem to understand how serious it is if I have Celiac Disease, her and my grandmother just keep complaining about how expensive the gluten free food is.
I've had the underlying urge to just throw everything away and let myself go crazy for a while, of course that's not something I'd actually do but I'm just so tired and so fed up. I'm run down which is making me feel miserable whenever it starts to get to me, which it always does after a while. It's putting a nasty strain on everything, my tempers getting shorter, I just want to be alone all the time which my boyfriend doesn't really understand. To be honest I just feel like I want to (metaphorically) curl up and die, just to stop the pain. It's making relapsing to self harm increasingly tempting, every other night I'm fighting urges and trying not to fall apart again. Everything just hurts, my head, my stomach, my hearts aching because I'm running out of energy, I'm running out of motivation. I've pushed practically everyone and everything away and I'm left with nothing. I'm surrounded by people I'm 'close' to but I don't want to talk, I don't want to think, I don't want to feel. I just don't know sometimes.
I've had the underlying urge to just throw everything away and let myself go crazy for a while, of course that's not something I'd actually do but I'm just so tired and so fed up. I'm run down which is making me feel miserable whenever it starts to get to me, which it always does after a while. It's putting a nasty strain on everything, my tempers getting shorter, I just want to be alone all the time which my boyfriend doesn't really understand. To be honest I just feel like I want to (metaphorically) curl up and die, just to stop the pain. It's making relapsing to self harm increasingly tempting, every other night I'm fighting urges and trying not to fall apart again. Everything just hurts, my head, my stomach, my hearts aching because I'm running out of energy, I'm running out of motivation. I've pushed practically everyone and everything away and I'm left with nothing. I'm surrounded by people I'm 'close' to but I don't want to talk, I don't want to think, I don't want to feel. I just don't know sometimes.