Lovelife090994
July 10th, 2014, 12:50 AM
I hate my life right now. I feel like my personality is breaking into two. My first and dominant self which is artistic, loner, empathetic, selfless, and quiet, into a person who is nonchalant, sassy, heartless, and even more sensitive than I already am. I have been having major lows and my art and crocheting have stopped for over a week now. I can't stand looking in the mirror and I'm so paranoid now that I want to be alone despite my loneliness. I feel insignificant and confused. I'm terrified of college, the future, myself, me, my motivation (if any is left). I keep snapping at people without even trying to realizing it, and I never smile.
Optimism and positivity sicken me given how it was always put in my face to vex me and dismiss my cries for help. I just feel so empty now and worthless. I don't even know why I even try anymore. I have one friend I guess but even to him I am too scared to do anything with like a simple mall trip. I never had friends or felt unconditional love. I don't know what it's like to be able to have someone else to turn to or someone to call. I have little social skills and hate myself beyond words. No matter the encouragement it never helps.
I just feel so lost and helpless.
Optimism and positivity sicken me given how it was always put in my face to vex me and dismiss my cries for help. I just feel so empty now and worthless. I don't even know why I even try anymore. I have one friend I guess but even to him I am too scared to do anything with like a simple mall trip. I never had friends or felt unconditional love. I don't know what it's like to be able to have someone else to turn to or someone to call. I have little social skills and hate myself beyond words. No matter the encouragement it never helps.
I just feel so lost and helpless.