TheRedViper
July 9th, 2014, 08:18 AM
So I don't even know where to begin. I'm writing this on my phone in pitch blackness in my room, which I've blocked the door and am trying to hold back tears. This is from someone who hasn't cried in years....
My whole life feels fucked up and ruined now, and I can't control anything. I will try to start from the start. Please be patient with me, I am not really in control of my emotions right now (this has never happened to me before).
I'm currently doing rehearsals for a school dance that is coming up in a few weeks. My partner - and this post is all about her - is a girl I've been friends with for two years now. She's unlike any person I've ever been friends with, and I truly love her as a friend, despite her many shortcomings and flaws, I see a truly good person at her heart, and that's why I love her. She is not a good role-model, and morally not a very good person either. She does many drugs (some of which I've tried with her), gets drunk often, goes to parties and gets somewhat out of control, and posts some VERY vulgar and shocking things on Facebook. I know she must sound like a horrible person to you all, but I truly love her, but I know I can't properly explain it.
So anyway, as usual my mum drops us off at he dance rehearsal, after this girl had come home with me and had dinner with us and been very friendly to my family. She was a perfectly polite and lovely teenage girl. I know most of it was a facade, but at least she makes an effort to be nice. So my mum and dad really like her, and everything is fine.
Then it comes time to leave the rehearsal, and my dad is picking me up. Since my friend's mum wasn't there to pick her up, she came with us and we were gonna drop her off at her house. We were all silent, and there was an air of tension in the car. My dad asked her some polite questions but they were said rather aggressively, which confused me. Finally we dropped her off, she was very thankful to us and said goodbye and left.
My dad and I continued on home, and on the way things really fucked up and got insane. So my dad says quietly and coldly (not his style) "what's the deal with this girl?" like if she is my girlfriend. I said she wasn't, and had to repeat this multiple times for my dad. He then revealed that him and my mum had been stalking her Facebook wall, and were incredibly shocked, angry and disgusted at what they saw, like posts about blowjobs, anal sex, sluts, drugs (all were said as jokes, but very dark and messed up jokes). But what really set then of was the most recent comment she made, WHILE IN THE CAR WITH US, which was something along the lines of "parents being all nice to me, not realising I'm fucking up their kid."
Now, both she and I know this was a joke, but my parents did not take it as such. My dad got so incredibly angry he even threatened to BASH HER and kill her if she influenced me badly. I couldn't fucking believe what I was hearing. I was shocked. I felt sick, I felt angry, I felt confused all at the same time. I told him to never dare threaten her again, but he threatened me back with possible violence or disowning. The mere thought of my best friend - a beautiful and deeply caring girl that was very misunderstood - being harmed, especially brutally and by my father, made me feel sick. I wanted to kill my father at this point, and I wanted to jump out the car and run away and never see him again.
He started going on about how she is a very bad influence on me and I will ruin my life if I continue to be her friend. I said nothing for the rest of the drive, and when we got home I stormed straight into my room, turned the lights off and blocked the door with a chair. I wanted to be alone. I never wanted to see or talk to my parents again. My anger and disparity was so fucking high I didn't even want to live in this world.
I checked for myself the posts my friend made on Facebook, then sent several long texts to her, begging her to be careful with what she writes, because it's angered my family, and for a few moments (and even now) I don't know if she is even my friend any more. The thought is more painful and hard to accept than anything in my life.
So I begged her and demanded of her and asked her and reasoned with her to promise me to be careful. I assured her that I still loved her as a friend and didn't want our friendship to change, and she answered in short single words like "okay," "wow," and "I understand." I'm now incredibly scared that she never wants to see me again and hates me and my family. The thought is almost too hard to bear.
Then my mum came into my room, sat on my bed and talked for a long time about how shocked and concerned she is, and how she doesn't want me to get mixed up in bad things. She said that I was the only good thing in my friend's life, and I was a good influence on her. My mum then started crying, and I had had enough and before it became evident I was almost tearing up I coldly told her to "stop crying," and so she left my room, closed the door and turned off the light.
And here I am, right now. This is all too overwhelming for me. I don't know how I feel. I feel complete and severe anger and disgust at my parents for stalking, threatening and condemning my friend, and I also feel fear and anxiety at the idea that now my friend hates me and will never want to see me again. I feel so angry and upset, it's hard to describe. I love my friend more than nearly anything in this world, but I also love my parents (only my mum right now though. I am too angry at my father to talk about that).
I'm very sorry for the long post, but I'm in a really difficult and emotional place right now, and I feel so worried and upset that I almost feel sick.
My whole life feels fucked up and ruined now, and I can't control anything. I will try to start from the start. Please be patient with me, I am not really in control of my emotions right now (this has never happened to me before).
I'm currently doing rehearsals for a school dance that is coming up in a few weeks. My partner - and this post is all about her - is a girl I've been friends with for two years now. She's unlike any person I've ever been friends with, and I truly love her as a friend, despite her many shortcomings and flaws, I see a truly good person at her heart, and that's why I love her. She is not a good role-model, and morally not a very good person either. She does many drugs (some of which I've tried with her), gets drunk often, goes to parties and gets somewhat out of control, and posts some VERY vulgar and shocking things on Facebook. I know she must sound like a horrible person to you all, but I truly love her, but I know I can't properly explain it.
So anyway, as usual my mum drops us off at he dance rehearsal, after this girl had come home with me and had dinner with us and been very friendly to my family. She was a perfectly polite and lovely teenage girl. I know most of it was a facade, but at least she makes an effort to be nice. So my mum and dad really like her, and everything is fine.
Then it comes time to leave the rehearsal, and my dad is picking me up. Since my friend's mum wasn't there to pick her up, she came with us and we were gonna drop her off at her house. We were all silent, and there was an air of tension in the car. My dad asked her some polite questions but they were said rather aggressively, which confused me. Finally we dropped her off, she was very thankful to us and said goodbye and left.
My dad and I continued on home, and on the way things really fucked up and got insane. So my dad says quietly and coldly (not his style) "what's the deal with this girl?" like if she is my girlfriend. I said she wasn't, and had to repeat this multiple times for my dad. He then revealed that him and my mum had been stalking her Facebook wall, and were incredibly shocked, angry and disgusted at what they saw, like posts about blowjobs, anal sex, sluts, drugs (all were said as jokes, but very dark and messed up jokes). But what really set then of was the most recent comment she made, WHILE IN THE CAR WITH US, which was something along the lines of "parents being all nice to me, not realising I'm fucking up their kid."
Now, both she and I know this was a joke, but my parents did not take it as such. My dad got so incredibly angry he even threatened to BASH HER and kill her if she influenced me badly. I couldn't fucking believe what I was hearing. I was shocked. I felt sick, I felt angry, I felt confused all at the same time. I told him to never dare threaten her again, but he threatened me back with possible violence or disowning. The mere thought of my best friend - a beautiful and deeply caring girl that was very misunderstood - being harmed, especially brutally and by my father, made me feel sick. I wanted to kill my father at this point, and I wanted to jump out the car and run away and never see him again.
He started going on about how she is a very bad influence on me and I will ruin my life if I continue to be her friend. I said nothing for the rest of the drive, and when we got home I stormed straight into my room, turned the lights off and blocked the door with a chair. I wanted to be alone. I never wanted to see or talk to my parents again. My anger and disparity was so fucking high I didn't even want to live in this world.
I checked for myself the posts my friend made on Facebook, then sent several long texts to her, begging her to be careful with what she writes, because it's angered my family, and for a few moments (and even now) I don't know if she is even my friend any more. The thought is more painful and hard to accept than anything in my life.
So I begged her and demanded of her and asked her and reasoned with her to promise me to be careful. I assured her that I still loved her as a friend and didn't want our friendship to change, and she answered in short single words like "okay," "wow," and "I understand." I'm now incredibly scared that she never wants to see me again and hates me and my family. The thought is almost too hard to bear.
Then my mum came into my room, sat on my bed and talked for a long time about how shocked and concerned she is, and how she doesn't want me to get mixed up in bad things. She said that I was the only good thing in my friend's life, and I was a good influence on her. My mum then started crying, and I had had enough and before it became evident I was almost tearing up I coldly told her to "stop crying," and so she left my room, closed the door and turned off the light.
And here I am, right now. This is all too overwhelming for me. I don't know how I feel. I feel complete and severe anger and disgust at my parents for stalking, threatening and condemning my friend, and I also feel fear and anxiety at the idea that now my friend hates me and will never want to see me again. I feel so angry and upset, it's hard to describe. I love my friend more than nearly anything in this world, but I also love my parents (only my mum right now though. I am too angry at my father to talk about that).
I'm very sorry for the long post, but I'm in a really difficult and emotional place right now, and I feel so worried and upset that I almost feel sick.