Getting pissed off at a friend

[Cognizant]

Okay, so my friend (who I'll call Alicia) and I have been family friends since kindergarten. As with any friendship of mine, we've had our ups and downs, and our periods of being super tight and being distant. But overall, we've been super close.

But recently, I've found myself getting more and more frustrated and angry with Alicia. I've thought about it and I've managed to list these as reasons I get mad at her*:
-She can be very contradictory/hypocritical. I'll ask her for fashion advice and she'll be like "ehhhh, those don't look good on you" just to have her say one week later "hey, you should get (product). it'd work for you"

-She'll also often speak for me around my dad (to which I don't really react to), but if I do the same she gets offended.

- Whenever she notices an issue i'm facing, she'll make blazingly obvious "suggestions" that only a true moron wouldn't be able to figure out for themselves. It pisses me off because usually her suggestions are made after I already tried them (and failed), and she'll keep repeating them from time to time.

- She finds it okay to harass me in a friendly way, but if I do it back, she sounds genuinely offended (** to be fair, I haven't asked her about this, but she often sounds like she's genuinely upset)

-She can never be wrong. If I state something that I know is true (like the boardwalk doesn't close at midnight, it closes at 11), she'll be like "no, i'm pretty sure it closes at 12". That normally wouldn't bother me, but it's the inflection and the way she words it that bug me. She talks to me like I'm a complete and utter moron who couldn't tell an Apple from an Orange. It also doesn't help that when I *am* mistaken, she rubs it in my face like she won a million dollars or something.

-Building onto the last point, she always tries to get her way. If I try to take control of a situation, she'll have a power trip. (example: I'm driving with her in the car and she starts pissing me off with one of the above. I'll stop the car and tell her to stop or she can walk home. Then she'll just start ranting on how I will never have her under my control and that this won't get me her respect. Tbf I don't want her respect, I just want her to stop being annoying.)

It doesn't help that my dad invites her over. Every. Single. Day. Especially if she left the previous night with me near my wits end with her. That's the other thing- if she leaves at night and sees that I'm visibly annoyed/mad at her, she'll feel bad but then go right back to her same ol' same ol' behavior the next day. But I don't really know how to talk to her about it - I figured that if I try to talk to her about it, she'll just be like "well screw you I'm not going to change my personality for you". I normally would be fine with that, but since Alicia is a family friend (and honestly one of my dad's and sister's only friend connections), I wouldn't be able to stop seeing her. I honestly don't know what to do, especially since her birthday is coming up.
So please, what should I do? Do I tell her about it and try to work towards a solution, or do I tell her that I don't feel like going to her house to celebrate her birthday?**

* it's also worth noting that she's very hit-and-miss with her personality. Sometimes we get along like a charm, but then other days I'm close to screaming at her to fuck off.
** before you blow your whistle and call me a dickhead, I wouldn't just wait till the last day and then be like "yeah sorry i'm not coming over I'm frustrated with you and don't feel like hanging out."

[Karkat]

Um wow, she sounds like an awful friend, no offense.

My only real...insight is that she doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd go for "working things out". Sorry. :/

[Cognizant]

Um wow, she sounds like an awful friend, no offense.

My only real...insight is that she doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd go for "working things out". Sorry. :/

I agree. To be honest, if our families didn't have deep connections (in other words if Alicia wasn't friends with everyone else in my family, just me), I probably would've stopped hanging out with her by now.

But alas, she's one of the few people to understand me and stick around whenever shit hit the fan - like not even my second BFF knows much about what i went through when my parents split, or when my ex was abusing me.
I just don't know how it would go over if I told her that I was having issues with her. I guess the worst case scenario is she get's upset with me, and then we stop talking for a while. My only concern in that case is that it would either tear the relationship between her family and mine, or she would continue to be (indirectly) a part of my life even if I don't want her there.

[Karkat]

I agree. To be honest, if our families didn't have deep connections (in other words if Alicia wasn't friends with everyone else in my family, just me), I probably would've stopped hanging out with her by now.

But alas, she's one of the few people to understand me and stick around whenever shit hit the fan - like not even my second BFF knows much about what i went through when my parents split, or when my ex was abusing me.
I just don't know how it would go over if I told her that I was having issues with her. I guess the worst case scenario is she get's upset with me, and then we stop talking for a while. My only concern in that case is that it would either tear the relationship between her family and mine, or she would continue to be (indirectly) a part of my life even if I don't want her there.

Hmm, that is a problem. :/

Good luck, I hope things work out somehow.

[xlBitterSweetlx]

Well, there's about.. two solutions to that, in my opinion.

The first one - whenever you see things are going for the bad path of destruction for both your nervous systems, just change the topic, take a few moments of silence and move on when you've calmed down. Although I doubt that would last long, seeing how much she annoys you already - trust me, I've bottled up emotions too, I know it's rarely a permanent solution. But if you're not willing to take a risk and think this will work out, go ahead - it is, after all, the safest way.

The second one - talk to her about it. Yes, again. But this time don't talk about "that time when", but for her overall behaviour, like you did here. Yes, she will probably insist that she wouldn't change, "this is me, don't try to change me" kind of stuff. But hey, friendship needs work. She can always make a quick connection between the brain and the mouth before she says something which she can figure out will upset you, like you have held up your anger several times for her and tried to forgive & forget. She should just try to be a bit more tolerant to your emotions.
And if she DOES get mad at you, the best-case scenario which should happen if you are really as close as you say, is that you will both decide to make some compromises as it will be very frustrating for both of you to see each other so often after a good friendship.
Worst-case scenario is she doesn't make any effort to improve herself - and actually, this IS improvement as these habits of hers probably are not only towards you. If she geniunely cares for your friendship, she should understand and try to make up. Because you are not at fault here - you are the one who stresses out and tries to make things better right now.

I hope I helped. ♥