TheRedViper
July 5th, 2014, 10:30 AM
So I've been on school holidays for a week now, and they last two weeks. And I can say with ease that I have done next to nothing at all. Now, this is common with me, as I'm not a very "outdoorsy" type person, and my social life isn't really thriving. I've got a decent amount of friends at school, and I enjoy talking to them most of the time.... at school though.
Most of my friends are more "friend-by-association," so I'm friends with them because we share another mutual friend. I do have three friends - two of whom still to to my school - that I would consider to be "best friends," or at least near that level. The third best friend - a girl who no longer goes to my school - is in a completely different level to anyone else, and it's very long and difficult to explain. I'll get to her later.
So one of these two "best friends" is in Europe, has been and will be for several weeks. So I won't be seeing him any time soon. The other "best friend" works a lot at his retail job, and has taken the holidays as a time to work extra. He also has several other friends (that I'm friends with too, but not as much) that he sees and keeps up with. Now, I'm not bothered or concerned about this at all. I don't feel jealousy for very many things ever, and friends aren't one of the very few things I do.
So these two friends of mine aren't really options for hanging out with, and the thing is... I don't really care. I enjoy seeing them and talking to them at school, and even occasionally catching up outside of school, but I don't feel any sort of need to do so. The only person I do feel this need with is the third friend I told you about - the girl. Our friendship is.... somewhat complicated and involved, but we're still very good friends overall. She's the only person in the world I feel an active desire to see and talk to and be with, and the only person and thing right now that actually makes me feel any sort of happiness or excitement. I know it sounds dumb and pathetic, but it's true.
The only notable thing I've done in the past week of holidays was catch up with her (on her suggestion) on Wednesday. We met at a shopping centre at 1pm, had lunch and a smoke, went back to her house, sat there and watched funny videos on her phone (this would have bored me senseless with anyone else, but with her I was just happy and content to be with her), then went back to my house, had dinner and watched a movie, then went to a dance rehearsal for a school dance we're doing together, then parted ways at 10pm with a hug and goodbye.
As you can probably see, we're a lot closer than I am to my other friends, despite knowing some of them for longer than I have her. I feel really bad and disloyal for saying this, but... I care about her, and our friendship, and enjoy being with her far, far more than any of my other friends, even my two other "best friends." Neither of them like her, or approve much of our friendship, since they say she is a druggy-slut.
Does my clear preference for her and our own friendship over my other friends make me a bad person in a way? While me having a bit of a crush on her (well I'd say it's more than that. I genuinely care about her and love her in some ways, just as she does me) does affect my views, I also feel more comfortable and happy around her in general, but sadly I don't see her much. I feel terrible for saying this, but if I never saw her again I'd feel crushed and depressed, but if I never saw either of my other friends again, I'd feel a bit disappointed and bored and lonely, but nowhere close to the large emotional reaction I'd have with her.
I'm truly sorry for the longer than expected post. I tend to get carried away when I harp on about my own life, sorry :)
Most of my friends are more "friend-by-association," so I'm friends with them because we share another mutual friend. I do have three friends - two of whom still to to my school - that I would consider to be "best friends," or at least near that level. The third best friend - a girl who no longer goes to my school - is in a completely different level to anyone else, and it's very long and difficult to explain. I'll get to her later.
So one of these two "best friends" is in Europe, has been and will be for several weeks. So I won't be seeing him any time soon. The other "best friend" works a lot at his retail job, and has taken the holidays as a time to work extra. He also has several other friends (that I'm friends with too, but not as much) that he sees and keeps up with. Now, I'm not bothered or concerned about this at all. I don't feel jealousy for very many things ever, and friends aren't one of the very few things I do.
So these two friends of mine aren't really options for hanging out with, and the thing is... I don't really care. I enjoy seeing them and talking to them at school, and even occasionally catching up outside of school, but I don't feel any sort of need to do so. The only person I do feel this need with is the third friend I told you about - the girl. Our friendship is.... somewhat complicated and involved, but we're still very good friends overall. She's the only person in the world I feel an active desire to see and talk to and be with, and the only person and thing right now that actually makes me feel any sort of happiness or excitement. I know it sounds dumb and pathetic, but it's true.
The only notable thing I've done in the past week of holidays was catch up with her (on her suggestion) on Wednesday. We met at a shopping centre at 1pm, had lunch and a smoke, went back to her house, sat there and watched funny videos on her phone (this would have bored me senseless with anyone else, but with her I was just happy and content to be with her), then went back to my house, had dinner and watched a movie, then went to a dance rehearsal for a school dance we're doing together, then parted ways at 10pm with a hug and goodbye.
As you can probably see, we're a lot closer than I am to my other friends, despite knowing some of them for longer than I have her. I feel really bad and disloyal for saying this, but... I care about her, and our friendship, and enjoy being with her far, far more than any of my other friends, even my two other "best friends." Neither of them like her, or approve much of our friendship, since they say she is a druggy-slut.
Does my clear preference for her and our own friendship over my other friends make me a bad person in a way? While me having a bit of a crush on her (well I'd say it's more than that. I genuinely care about her and love her in some ways, just as she does me) does affect my views, I also feel more comfortable and happy around her in general, but sadly I don't see her much. I feel terrible for saying this, but if I never saw her again I'd feel crushed and depressed, but if I never saw either of my other friends again, I'd feel a bit disappointed and bored and lonely, but nowhere close to the large emotional reaction I'd have with her.
I'm truly sorry for the longer than expected post. I tend to get carried away when I harp on about my own life, sorry :)