Cutter

[DemolitionLover]

So I cut. I've been an ex-cutter 2 times but then started again. Last time I did it I went crazy. I have no idea what happened, really. I think it had something to do with picking at my back acne and then getting pissed at myself..... I dunno, I had this, like, split-personality freak-out on paper and it scared the crap out of me.

So I had to. I made six cuts in the amount of time it usually takes me to make 1 or 2 and be "satisfied" with it. They weren't very deep but they all bled. And they stung like hell in the shower the next day.

My parents don't know. Somehow my mom hasn't noticed that I wear long sleeves every day when I used to wear t-shirts all the time. And somehow they didn't notice the two cuts on my lower arm at the band concert last night. I wore a long-sleeved shirt at first, to wear under the ugly pastel-yellow band t-shirt, but my band teacher wanted me to take it off and just wear the t-shirt because I would "stand out" if I had sleeves. Thankfully the t-shirt sleeves came down to my elbows.

My parents found out the other 2 times and once I got counseling and now I don't like counselors anymore.... She wanted to put me on a pill when she'd barely even talked to me. My dad didn't like the idea and neither did I.

Umm... Yeah but I've been having some suicidal thoughts, though I'm not acting on it, not planning anything. Sometimes I kinda lightly trace the knife across both of my wrists but don't actually cut.

How deep can you go without going, you know, too deep...? Wondering.

Wow, that was long. o.O

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Any time you cut you run the risk of going too deep. If you won't stop cutting, I suggest staying away from areas such as the inside of your wrists, which are close to major veins and arteries (that's why people slit their wrists and not the outside of their elbows). I'm sure you already know this, but the best way to prevent going too deep is not to cut at all. It really is possible to quit for good. You may have slip-ups along the way, and the urge to cut never COMPLETELY goes away (I've been cut free for nearly 20 months now, but here and there I still think about it), but it's possible to get to a point where you are completely in control of whether you act on those urges.

I wish you the best of luck with staying safe. :)

[Techno Monster]

Cutting is very risky you are risking your life every time you do it.

[Axellance]

its hard to say how deep is to deep, because u just cant know exactly how far under the skin that artery that can kill u is. it i defferent for different people due to the fact that we all have different suze arms and r made differently. U r taking a risk if u cut much deeper than a shallow cut.

[not-strong-enough]

i have had the exact same problem today that you mentioned.
well i had gone a week or so without cutting, which was so good, but last night i tried and tried not to but it just didnt work. somehow the blood brings a release, though last night the release just didnt come so it meant more cutting!!!!! today, as you said, the agony of it was when i was in the shower.

have also had the same thing with my parents, they wanted me to go to a counsellor. they dont know im doin again though.

i have just lost my hope on stopping. i dont know how!!

try not to cut too deep, its hard when you get carried away, but other than being dangerous, think of the scars, i have been a cutter on and off for 7 years. i have loads of scars. some ridiculously big. you dont want that. a constant reminder, even in the good times, the scars dont go away.