Relapsed and now my bf hates me...

[AllTimeLoser]

I relapsed lately, after a whole month without SH. I started smoking first, because I like the painful feeling of it... well I don't "like it", it just gives me relief for a while. But my bf broke up with me 3 times because of it so I am trying to quit now for him. But a week ago I cut my arm up pretty bad. I felt guilty because I made out with my best friend while I was broken up with my bf, now my best friend won't talk to me. My bf doesn't know, but me and him keep arguing about my self harm because I never told him for two days... The only person I have left is my ex bf... help me

[numbness]

Just try to keep calm,smoking won't really help try another method to burn off steam and to try and get rid of the urges to self harm like going for a jog or punching your pillow or something. there's always people on here that you can talk to,just try to keep your head up and try to carry on,pm me if you want a chat

[AllTimeLoser]

Just try to keep calm,smoking won't really help try another method to burn off steam and to try and get rid of the urges to self harm like going for a jog or punching your pillow or something. there's always people on here that you can talk to,just try to keep your head up and try to carry on,pm me if you want a chat

thank you, I started trying the whole exercise thing a while ago but I kept overdoing it and ended up calorie counting so my ex made me stop, but I'll try and do it right this time :)
going for a jog is quite helpful tbhtbh

[numbness]

Good,remember it CAN and WILL get better

[CelloGirl0031]

For me, whenever I want to cut, I either snap a rubber band on my wrists, draw on the place I want to cut(usually with washable crayola markers XD and then I take a picture if it comes out pretty and think of the scars I won't have and the memories of a really nice drawing), or draw lines with pen or marker. Then, you count them and that's how many times you DIDN'T harm yourself. Its a great feeling to know you stopped yourself, and you have it under control.
If you ever feel you need to cut and these techniques aren't working, message me on skype. I'm always here to help. Skype username : RandomCellist

[CelloGirl0031]

And I've been in a similar situation like yours, yes, it does suck A LOT, but I promise you it'll get better. And when I promise something, I never break that promise. I'm sure you're talented and you have a bright future awaiting you. And as I said, I'm always here if you need to talk.

[CharlieHorse]

me and him keep arguing about my self harm because I never told him for two days...

How is self harm arguable? What's he saying?

[AllTimeLoser]

How is self harm arguable? What's he saying?

he was annoyed that it took me two days to tell him, he thought I was lying about him actually being helpful, and he wasn't happy in our relationship even though he said he loved me so... yeah, he broke up with me a few days ago...:(

[Karagor]

I used to SH. I also date someone who is a recurring SH. My parents helped me through it by talking to me down to earth and telling me how it is, so I'm going to try and share what I've learned with you... Some of what I say might not be what you want to hear, but by accepting it, you can begin to accept yourself (And that's what SH is mostly about - lack of self confidence... Am I right?)

So yeah, you did something wrong. You shouldn't have hidden something like this from your boyfriend. Especially when he believed he had helped you stop.

That said, SH is not your fault - SH is not a choice, it's a disease. It's as much your choice when you catch a cold, or get cancer. You don't so much choose to self harm, as you choose to laugh when you're happy. But don't worry - it's not unbeatable, and I'll come back to that later.

I believe you are most upset about betraying the trust of your boyfriend and that means that you really care about him. Which means that the relationship isn't quite over just yet (as far as I can tell from what you've said.)

First thing you must understand is that if he considers the relationship over, then it is over, and nothing you say or do will change that. This means that you have nothing to lose right? There is no reason to hold back. Give it your all. You'll come out better for it, no matter what happens.

The best advice I can give you is twofold:
Talk to him about your feelings. Try to stay calm, if you feel overwhelmed at any point, take a moments rest, breath in, breath out, and only continue when you can do so calmly. This is *very* important as it shows your bf that you are not just saying things out of emotion, and you really mean them.

At this point, you want to open up as much as you can, because he obviously cares about you and wants to help you. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE WORTH HIS TIME, AND HIS LOVE.

Tell him why *you think* you self harm, even if you're not sure. Tell him what you use. Tell him what your triggers are... Give him as much insight into your thought process as you possibly can...

What you're doing, by doing all this, is showing that what happened was not a betrayal of trust, it was your illness taking over. he needs to understand this... If not for you, for any other girl he encounters in the future who SHs.

I can't guarantee his reaction from all this... but at the end of the day, if he can't deal with what you tell him, then he wouldn't be able to deal with your situation... He will, however, better understand what you're going through, and better understand how to help you.

The second piece of advice is to try and make up with that friend you made out with. Kissing someone is an emotional experience, and in some situations, it can end badly. They wouldn't have been your friend at the start if they didn't like you, so remind them of that. Apologise (honestly) for what you did, and ask their forgiveness. Tell them that you value them too much to lose their friendship. If that doesn't work, they aren't ready to forgive you, so give them space. Don't keep bringing it up. Instead, just try and initiate small talk etc. Build the friendship up again. NO FRIENDSHIP ENDS ABRUPTLY. WHATEVER YOU DID, CAN BE FORGIVEN, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO ASK FOR IT.

I mentioned earlier that SH is Not unbeatable. I feel like since this thread asked a specific question about SH in a relationship, I don't want to go off topic, but if you want my advice (Anyone, not just the maker of this post) PM me and I'll try and explain how getting through SH is possible. If quite difficult.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here, I will clarify if anything is said badly.

[Svan]

Call me harsh or whatever, but I can say this to you because I have suffered things in my life beyond just self-mutilation.

YOU have control over what you do. If you feel like your life sucks and everyone hates you, then stop doing the things that make them upset. You have to literally force yourself.

[AllTimeLoser]

I used to SH. I also date someone who is a recurring SH. My parents helped me through it by talking to me down to earth and telling me how it is, so I'm going to try and share what I've learned with you... Some of what I say might not be what you want to hear, but by accepting it, you can begin to accept yourself (And that's what SH is mostly about - lack of self confidence... Am I right?)

So yeah, you did something wrong. You shouldn't have hidden something like this from your boyfriend. Especially when he believed he had helped you stop.

That said, SH is not your fault - SH is not a choice, it's a disease. It's as much your choice when you catch a cold, or get cancer. You don't so much choose to self harm, as you choose to laugh when you're happy. But don't worry - it's not unbeatable, and I'll come back to that later.

I believe you are most upset about betraying the trust of your boyfriend and that means that you really care about him. Which means that the relationship isn't quite over just yet (as far as I can tell from what you've said.)

First thing you must understand is that if he considers the relationship over, then it is over, and nothing you say or do will change that. This means that you have nothing to lose right? There is no reason to hold back. Give it your all. You'll come out better for it, no matter what happens.

The best advice I can give you is twofold:
Talk to him about your feelings. Try to stay calm, if you feel overwhelmed at any point, take a moments rest, breath in, breath out, and only continue when you can do so calmly. This is *very* important as it shows your bf that you are not just saying things out of emotion, and you really mean them.

At this point, you want to open up as much as you can, because he obviously cares about you and wants to help you. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE WORTH HIS TIME, AND HIS LOVE.

Tell him why *you think* you self harm, even if you're not sure. Tell him what you use. Tell him what your triggers are... Give him as much insight into your thought process as you possibly can...

What you're doing, by doing all this, is showing that what happened was not a betrayal of trust, it was your illness taking over. he needs to understand this... If not for you, for any other girl he encounters in the future who SHs.

I can't guarantee his reaction from all this... but at the end of the day, if he can't deal with what you tell him, then he wouldn't be able to deal with your situation... He will, however, better understand what you're going through, and better understand how to help you.

The second piece of advice is to try and make up with that friend you made out with. Kissing someone is an emotional experience, and in some situations, it can end badly. They wouldn't have been your friend at the start if they didn't like you, so remind them of that. Apologise (honestly) for what you did, and ask their forgiveness. Tell them that you value them too much to lose their friendship. If that doesn't work, they aren't ready to forgive you, so give them space. Don't keep bringing it up. Instead, just try and initiate small talk etc. Build the friendship up again. NO FRIENDSHIP ENDS ABRUPTLY. WHATEVER YOU DID, CAN BE FORGIVEN, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO ASK FOR IT.

I mentioned earlier that SH is Not unbeatable. I feel like since this thread asked a specific question about SH in a relationship, I don't want to go off topic, but if you want my advice (Anyone, not just the maker of this post) PM me and I'll try and explain how getting through SH is possible. If quite difficult.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here, I will clarify if anything is said badly.

Thank you, a lot. He broke up with me a week ago but... everything else, really thank you

[Gottaloveaginger14]

He doesn't hate you he's just worried
Be honest with him and tell him what you did and why and how you were feeling
Ask him for help supporting you
Ask him to be your 2am
Just be honest