I'm done

[Leprous]

So some of you may have seen the other thread I made, if you didn't, I suggest reading that first.
I'm so tired, everyone is always so nice to me, but I don't deserve it, I did horrible things to people. I'm a monster.
I lock up all my emotions to everything and everyone, trying to show them I'm happy, but I'm an emotional wreck on the inside. I feel so guilty for everything I did, and the only way I cope with it is by helping people on this forums, trying to just feel better, and self harm. None of these things work, and both of them are an addiction, I must help people.
I'm just done, done with everything. My friends are changing, they hurt me, they lie to me, and everything just gets worse.
And when people annoy me even the slightest bit, I can start insulting them, I start verbally slaughtering them, and I barely even realise what I'm doing.
I'm about to give up, and I really need help. :(

[refrigeratorx]

have you ever thought of getting somebody professional to talk to you and try to understand? From what I read, nobody on here would be able to help because no matter how nice and supportive people are, you don't think you deserve it. I'd love to help you and listen to you and I'm sure many others on here would, but maybe you should look into having someone who is trained to help for you.

Also, never give up... there is so much worth fighting for in this world. Idk what you mean by "giving up" but if it means what I think it means, there is a lot to live for in this world and you should never give up. There are hard times and there are not so hard times, everything will be okay in the end... if you keep on trying <3

[Leprous]

Thank you for your reply, and I have thought about it, I can approach my dad about it and get help that way, but if I tell my mom she'll be so worried I'll go insane. I just have nobody to talk to irl, only here, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[refrigeratorx]

Thank you for your reply, and I have thought about it, I can approach my dad about it and get help that way, but if I tell my mom she'll be so worried I'll go insane. I just have nobody to talk to irl, only here, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

see? right there... somebody who is worried about you so much. to the extreme that you'll go insane, but still. Imagine how these people who care about you would react if you really were "done" and finished it or whatever. It may be hard for her, but she needs to understand. I'd definitely say talk to your dad first and maybe even ask him to tell her instead of you.

Even if you don't have somebody to talk to irl right now, that could change really fast! also online friends are really amazing if you let them, they're like a completely outside viewpoint that you can tell them literally anything and not have it come back to bite you in the end. Definitely take advantage of your online people, because they care about you too. :D

[Hudor]

Yeah as refrigeratorx said we're here to help whenever you need it.

[Leprous]

Well, my girlfriend managed to cheer me up a little, but I'm just not sure how long I can last.

[Hudor]

well enjoy the pleasure until it lasts. Its all these small moments that contribute to our happiness, if you focus on them and look forward to contributing such moments in others' lives and your own, you could find a purpose to last longer.

[Leprous]

well enjoy the pleasure until it lasts. Its all these small moments that contribute to our happiness, if you focus on them and look forward to contributing such moments in others' lives and your own, you could find a purpose to last longer.
Well, for now I don't know if I had a purpose yet, but this is temporary, if she didn't help me I was probably already cutting by now

I'd like to add something.
Today I found out a good online friend of mine died. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so worthless, so lost. I feel like I'm scaring everyone away from me with everything I do. I'm so scared.

[Microcosm]

Just take a deep breath and relax. I know what depression feels like and it will pull you down into insanity. I recommend seeing a psychiatrist and getting medicated maybe? That really helps me and I never really feel depressed anymore. I think it could really help you. If you EVER feel like suicide, call the National Suicide Hotline. Just google it and you can get the number. Those people are trained to talk to you and calm you down. I definitely recommend doing that if you ever feel really down.

Hope I could help you.

[Leprous]

Just take a deep breath and relax. I know what depression feels like and it will pull you down into insanity. I recommend seeing a psychiatrist and getting medicated maybe? That really helps me and I never really feel depressed anymore. I think it could really help you. If you EVER feel like suicide, call the National Suicide Hotline. Just google it and you can get the number. Those people are trained to talk to you and calm you down. I definitely recommend doing that if you ever feel really down.

Hope I could help you.

Well, I'm provably not even capable of suicide, not physicly and mentally. I am still thinking about getting help, and I'm not sure yet, I'm scared my parents wouldn't even believe me.

EDIT: apperently it was a joke that my friend died, now I'm nit sad and scared anymore, right now I'm furious, I feel betrayed.

[Microcosm]

Well, I'm provably not even capable of suicide, not physicly and mentally. I am still thinking about getting help, and I'm not sure yet, I'm scared my parents wouldn't even believe me.

EDIT: apperently it was a joke that my friend died, now I'm nit sad and scared anymore, right now I'm furious, I feel betrayed.

People shouldn't joke about that. I hope you get to feeling better, and I also think that your parents would believe you. It's one of their responsibilities to help you through depression.

[Leprous]

People shouldn't joke about that. I hope you get to feeling better, and I also think that your parents would believe you. It's one of their responsibilities to help you through depression.

Well, I'll think about it, thanks for replyinh. I'm just going to sleep now, getting late here. I'm hopinf I'm feeling bettzr in the morning because right now I'm able to just punch a hole in the wall.