Hudor
June 20th, 2014, 01:25 PM
I've always been weird and outlandish and I have always been a lone wolf. Though I’m used to it, it is a reconciliation of sorts because when I look back and see I've no one to talk to if I'm sad, depressed or even happy for that matter. Oh I have loads of 'acquaintances' but that would be it.
The basic problem is that I don't fit in anywhere.I feel out of place in my own family, as if I've gotten into the wrong frame and I don't belong there. I feel out of place among friends, as I don't relate to any of them. There are always differences and usually a wall comes up between me and people and i sit there silently but I can't bring myself to talk to anyone because generally people have someone or the other to talk to and I am the outsider always in a group. In a party, you would probably find myself in a corner with my mobile trying to look busy but generally because I get alienated. Of course there are those very very rare moments when a person comes up to sit with me but that could be because of the lack of seats and the record conversation lasted for 30 seconds(oh joy).
I'm seen as a distant person and even my parents feel I'm too quiet and secretive and they don't know what is going on with me usually. This is because I don’t find anything worth relating for they don’t understand me and so I don’t feel very open with them even though they are very caring. The problem is that i have opened up to a few people whom i think i could trust but they all grew distant sooner or later for no particular reasons except that they have better friends than me with whom they can relate.
I would be the caring, helping guy who is out there to help anyone in need but I am also self-reliant and would not like to take help until it would be necessary. Being bisexual and INFJ may probably contribute to my loneliness and I should add I’m the nerdy, introvert type as well but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to make conversations. People avoid me or ignore me out rightly many times even if I am talking to them directly. None of them as far as I remember has ever had a reason to feel offended with me for I am nice with everybody unless someone goes out of the way to be rude and mean.
Over the past two years i developed friendship with a guy and i could talk to him for hours which was my first and i had come to the point where i could trust him with everything. But like everyone else he grew distant as well. He doesn't reply to my phone calls or messages anymore and i feel the wall looming up again. It isn’t that I make him uncomfortable or anyone else for that matter by saying or doing something abnormal/embarrassing etc. Everyone is quite normal around me but eventually they all drift away. Maybe I’m too boring for people apart from being very different. In the eighteen years of my existence the conviction has strengthened that I don’t belong in the world that I inhabit.
So thanks for reading. Any advice on improving my situation?
The basic problem is that I don't fit in anywhere.I feel out of place in my own family, as if I've gotten into the wrong frame and I don't belong there. I feel out of place among friends, as I don't relate to any of them. There are always differences and usually a wall comes up between me and people and i sit there silently but I can't bring myself to talk to anyone because generally people have someone or the other to talk to and I am the outsider always in a group. In a party, you would probably find myself in a corner with my mobile trying to look busy but generally because I get alienated. Of course there are those very very rare moments when a person comes up to sit with me but that could be because of the lack of seats and the record conversation lasted for 30 seconds(oh joy).
I'm seen as a distant person and even my parents feel I'm too quiet and secretive and they don't know what is going on with me usually. This is because I don’t find anything worth relating for they don’t understand me and so I don’t feel very open with them even though they are very caring. The problem is that i have opened up to a few people whom i think i could trust but they all grew distant sooner or later for no particular reasons except that they have better friends than me with whom they can relate.
I would be the caring, helping guy who is out there to help anyone in need but I am also self-reliant and would not like to take help until it would be necessary. Being bisexual and INFJ may probably contribute to my loneliness and I should add I’m the nerdy, introvert type as well but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to make conversations. People avoid me or ignore me out rightly many times even if I am talking to them directly. None of them as far as I remember has ever had a reason to feel offended with me for I am nice with everybody unless someone goes out of the way to be rude and mean.
Over the past two years i developed friendship with a guy and i could talk to him for hours which was my first and i had come to the point where i could trust him with everything. But like everyone else he grew distant as well. He doesn't reply to my phone calls or messages anymore and i feel the wall looming up again. It isn’t that I make him uncomfortable or anyone else for that matter by saying or doing something abnormal/embarrassing etc. Everyone is quite normal around me but eventually they all drift away. Maybe I’m too boring for people apart from being very different. In the eighteen years of my existence the conviction has strengthened that I don’t belong in the world that I inhabit.
So thanks for reading. Any advice on improving my situation?