I got her number. Now what?

[HUSTLEMAN]

Alright my subjects. I need your help. I got this girl's number @ work today but only b/c her two guy friends pushed me to work up the courage to do so and say the right things. I can't flirt and everytime I do I get nervous and I say the wrong thing and I get branded as a creep. What do I say w/o sounding like a creep.

[Luminous]

Ooh!! That's really exciting!
I would wait to text her until tomorrow, or if you work every weekday together, wait until the weekend. Just say, "Hey, it's [Keyshawn?] from work! What's up?" and hopefully it'll pick up from there. Be sweet and friendly, and maybe after a little bit if you're getting along you can ask her out for a coffee or something like that.
Good luck!

[HUSTLEMAN]

Ooh!! That's really exciting!
I would wait to text her until tomorrow, or if you work every weekday together, wait until the weekend. Just say, "Hey, it's [Keyshawn?] from work! What's up?" and hopefully it'll pick up from there. Be sweet and friendly, and maybe after a little bit if you're getting along you can ask her out for a coffee or something like that.
Good luck!

She was a customer. Not a fellow employee.

[CosmicNoodle]

She was a customer. Not a fellow employee.

Hmm, well, she gave you her number, she must be at least slightly interested otherwise why would she have?

[Luminous]

She was a customer. Not a fellow employee.

Oh, I didn't realize. Well, you could say something similar. Instead of 'from work' say 'from [name of where you work], we met yesterday.' Since she obviously doesn't know you very well, I'd ask her out to coffee or something small and laid back like that, say to get to know her better. Depending on how she texts you and with what implied emotions, hopefully you can judge well if you should ask her out immediately or after talking to her for a while.

[HUSTLEMAN]

Oh, I didn't realize. Well, you could say something similar. Instead of 'from work' say 'from [name of where you work], we met yesterday.' Since she obviously doesn't know you very well, I'd ask her out to coffee or something small and laid back like that, say to get to know her better. Depending on how she texts you and with what implied emotions, hopefully you can judge well if you should ask her out immediately or after talking to her for a while.

Okay. I'm gonna try it out.

[Karkat]

Oh, I didn't realize. Well, you could say something similar. Instead of 'from work' say 'from [name of where you work], we met yesterday.' Since she obviously doesn't know you very well, I'd ask her out to coffee or something small and laid back like that, say to get to know her better. Depending on how she texts you and with what implied emotions, hopefully you can judge well if you should ask her out immediately or after talking to her for a while.

Solid advice. :metal:

Okay. I'm gonna try it out.

Good luck! :)

[Jean Poutine]

Do NOT text.

Call her. That's what real men do.

Only chumps text, because texting means you haven't got the nerve to call and you're so scared of her you're hiding behind a touchscreen keyboard where she can't hear the terror in your voice.

Not right away though, let her stew a little. Then call her. Don't let her choose the time or place, come with multiple alternatives for both ready if she has objections to your first proposal. This shows at first glance that you are confident since you are taking charge (a man of ACTION!), and confidence is to girls what AXE commercials are to douchebags (whatever it is). If you're not confident, fake it until you make it, maybe take on a case study, a sort of role model. The trick is to walk the fine line between confidence and douchebaggery.

Once you blow over the whole mystique of asking a girl out, it's pretty simple. Just ask. Don't beat around the bush, be direct.

"Hi, it's a, you gave me your number at b, what's up? Listen, are you free x day y time to go at z place? We could grab a coffee. Yeah? Great, see you then."

And once you're there, it's again pretty simple. Just ask questions. Don't talk too much about yourself. And of course, show interest (feigning it is of course acceptable if she starts talking about her dead cat). Ask specific follow-up questions to her answers, this shows you're listening (as you should). Girls (well, everybody, really) love talking about themselves, so you'll get to allow them to indulge themselves AND keep some sort of mystery above you. Just talk about yourself enough to pique her interest and make her want to unravel your cloak of secrecy, but for the majority of the coffee break the spotlight should be on her. Make her feel like there's no one else in the coffee shop but you two. It's easier than it looks like, you don't need to mesmerize her or anything, just be interesting the few times you're supposed to speak, ask smart questions (if you find out you share a passion or she likes something you know a lot about then drill that for all it's worth, contrary to the stereotype, intelligence IS sexy) if you have any wit about you then use it, and make her laugh (don't try too hard).

You know it's a success when a) she orders more than one coffee or b) you've been there for a long time with empty cups.

Pay her fucking coffee, too. Don't go dutch on a first date. Also don't invite her to the movies, like, ever actually, until you two have something more going on. You can't exactly learn to know each other better listening to a movie with mouths full of popcorn.

Second date on? Just be yourself.

Good luck.

[audiophile5]

^^ I agree, call her. It takes more courage, but it also proves a point. And for me, it would make it less awkward the first minutes of the date, if I had spoked to her beforehand.

[ChaseDakoda]

First of all call her and tell her your problem and make sure she understands, then proceed to talk to her like you would your brother or sister or parents. Remember if you fibb or lie it will come to haunt you.

[HUSTLEMAN]

Ooh!! That's really exciting!
I would wait to text her until tomorrow, or if you work every weekday together, wait until the weekend. Just say, "Hey, it's [Keyshawn?] from work! What's up?" and hopefully it'll pick up from there. Be sweet and friendly, and maybe after a little bit if you're getting along you can ask her out for a coffee or something like that.
Good luck!

Hmm, well, she gave you her number, she must be at least slightly interested otherwise why would she have?

Oh, I didn't realize. Well, you could say something similar. Instead of 'from work' say 'from [name of where you work], we met yesterday.' Since she obviously doesn't know you very well, I'd ask her out to coffee or something small and laid back like that, say to get to know her better. Depending on how she texts you and with what implied emotions, hopefully you can judge well if you should ask her out immediately or after talking to her for a while.

Solid advice. :metal:



Good luck! :)

Do NOT text.

Call her. That's what real men do.

Only chumps text, because texting means you haven't got the nerve to call and you're so scared of her you're hiding behind a touchscreen keyboard where she can't hear the terror in your voice.

Not right away though, let her stew a little. Then call her. Don't let her choose the time or place, come with multiple alternatives for both ready if she has objections to your first proposal. This shows at first glance that you are confident since you are taking charge (a man of ACTION!), and confidence is to girls what AXE commercials are to douchebags (whatever it is). If you're not confident, fake it until you make it, maybe take on a case study, a sort of role model. The trick is to walk the fine line between confidence and douchebaggery.

Once you blow over the whole mystique of asking a girl out, it's pretty simple. Just ask. Don't beat around the bush, be direct.

"Hi, it's a, you gave me your number at b, what's up? Listen, are you free x day y time to go at z place? We could grab a coffee. Yeah? Great, see you then."

And once you're there, it's again pretty simple. Just ask questions. Don't talk too much about yourself. And of course, show interest (feigning it is of course acceptable if she starts talking about her dead cat). Ask specific follow-up questions to her answers, this shows you're listening (as you should). Girls (well, everybody, really) love talking about themselves, so you'll get to allow them to indulge themselves AND keep some sort of mystery above you. Just talk about yourself enough to pique her interest and make her want to unravel your cloak of secrecy, but for the majority of the coffee break the spotlight should be on her. Make her feel like there's no one else in the coffee shop but you two. It's easier than it looks like, you don't need to mesmerize her or anything, just be interesting the few times you're supposed to speak, ask smart questions (if you find out you share a passion or she likes something you know a lot about then drill that for all it's worth, contrary to the stereotype, intelligence IS sexy) if you have any wit about you then use it, and make her laugh (don't try too hard).

You know it's a success when a) she orders more than one coffee or b) you've been there for a long time with empty cups.

Pay her fucking coffee, too. Don't go dutch on a first date. Also don't invite her to the movies, like, ever actually, until you two have something more going on. You can't exactly learn to know each other better listening to a movie with mouths full of popcorn.

Second date on? Just be yourself.

Good luck.

^^ I agree, call her. It takes more courage, but it also proves a point. And for me, it would make it less awkward the first minutes of the date, if I had spoked to her beforehand.

First of all call her and tell her your problem and make sure she understands, then proceed to talk to her like you would your brother or sister or parents. Remember if you fibb or lie it will come to haunt you.

UPDATE: Thank you all for the responses. Anyway, I called her and well I coyldn't really talk to her because the first time I called she was preparing for a job interview. Then the second time I called like 5hrs later she didn't answer the phone. Soooo should I call her one more time or text?

[Luminous]

UPDATE: Thank you all for the responses. Anyway, I called her and well I coyldn't really talk to her because the first time I called she was preparing for a job interview. Then the second time I called like 5hrs later she didn't answer the phone. Soooo should I call her one more time or text?

I say wait 2-3 days and see if she calls you back. If not, maybe text her once more and if that doesn't work, leave her alone.

[Jean Poutine]

double post, delete plox

[Jean Poutine]

UPDATE: Thank you all for the responses. Anyway, I called her and well I coyldn't really talk to her because the first time I called she was preparing for a job interview. Then the second time I called like 5hrs later she didn't answer the phone. Soooo should I call her one more time or text?

If you left a message or if you asked her to call you back when she has the chance, don't call back. Let her call. If she doesn't, then she doesn't hold her promises/engagements, or she's not that interested, and it's really not worth pursuing. If you have done neither of the above, wait 3-4 days or so. You are trying to set up a first date, not the date of your impending marriage. If you call too much, you look desperate or clingy. Let her stew on a regular basis to avoid this judgment, even if you have nothing to do. She might even draw the assumption herself that you are a very busy boy, and thus must have lots of hobbies/friends and that's a positive thing. I don't encourage outright lying BUT...you can't help it if that's how she chose to interpret things, can you? Anyway, I've been with my girlfriend for a year and some now and I still her let stew (and her, me) on a regular basis. I find that we appreciate our time together on the phone/in person much more when it's spaced out and it's really strengthened our relationship, while you'd think being with her a lot would. Since I don't come like a lapdog when she calls, she actually has time to yearn for me and miss me, and I her, and we both have time to do things we like doing that we can't do together, such as me reading on law and legal philosophy and her doing zany experiments and teaching science to kids.

Once again, never text. There are two reasons for it : 1) what I already wrote about, that you'll look like a pussy and 2) because texting causes misunderstandings due to the lack of non-verbal/tonal communication. "Do not text" is the best relationship/dating advice I have ever gotten, and I apply it liberally to the point where I call my girlfriend even when I've got something to ask that amounts to a conversation time total of about 15 seconds. I've gotten into fights with my girlfriend over misinterpreted texts before. I do not like fighting when it's useless.

Seems like an extreme way to go about it, but the truth is that 1) there are plenty of fish in the sea, and contrary to what you think right now, far from every girl will find you weird or repulsive as long as you don't find yourself weird or repulsive, 2) how a person acts on the small stuff is likely to be the way she acts on the important stuff and 3) if she is really interested in going out with you, she WILL call you back.

Last words of wisdom : arrange the first date as if it might be your last. By that I don't mean any passionate undertones, but I mean arrange it so there is a quick getaway available in case it goes badly. People often go eat out on first dates, I think that's a bad idea because if the other person isn't that interesting (or interested in you), you're still stuck there for at least 45 minutes and "going to the bathroom" and never coming back is just rude. Some go to the movies, which is horrendous because you are not speaking thus can't figure out if she's okay for you. Others go to bars, which I don't like because inebriated people are stupid people and suddenly become much less meaningful to me. A coffee is nice because if you don't like her, you can gulp it and be out in 5 minutes. My personal favorite first date is a walk through town. It's simple, costs nothing, is good for the lungs, there's a bunch of emergency getaways, feels genuine instead of forced, it's easy to go do something else if you hit it off, and brings to mind a lot of conversation topics if you're stuck in a silence.

I was like you seem to be (awkward and weird) when I was a tad younger and I had to teach myself "the game" from the ground up. I'm not inherently charismatic (although I'm pretty cute) and I really did learn the hard way how to date, through trial and error and through research. I don't believe in that PUA misogynistic crap but I do have a pretty intellectual approach to dating, which makes it easy to explain how I do stuff, and I always focus on the long term because ONSes bore me. If you ever have questions feel free to send them my way.

[Body odah Man]

Alright my subjects. I need your help. I got this girl's number @ work today but only b/c her two guy friends pushed me to work up the courage to do so and say the right things. I can't flirt and everytime I do I get nervous and I say the wrong thing and I get branded as a creep. What do I say w/o sounding like a creep.

As your subject I am at your bidding. Now I don't flirt either so what I'd do is the following. Call her over the weekend or so and be like 'hey, There's this slight thing I don't get about my work, would u maybe want to help me over coffee or something?' Stuff like that. Then have a natural conversation from there. Or arrange a drink night with colleagues and chat her up. Good luck

[frenchguy1]

wait a few days, text her or call her, ask her on a date !