Is it wrong to grieve over a missed relationship?

[WaffleSingSong]

Let me explain with a backstory.

I have had a crush on a girl ever since I saw her in my 1st period class in 7th grade, and back in middle school I was a really, really depressed kid. I wanted to ask her out, but I just hated myself so much that I really did not want to do so while she was Ms.Popular, as everyone loves her.

Skip to the school year I got out of just a week ago, Sophomore year, or what I've nicknamed my "Absolution Year." I've shredded all since of depression and shyness, I was doing sports and activities, I cleaned up my look and I consider myself quite handsome now, and girls have taken a lot of notice on this as well. But I didn't want them, I wanted her. So, I decided that I would FINALLY ask this girl out. I did not know how, but I would, somehow. So, around the time I was thinking this, well...

...I saw her next to the lockers, as we shared 5th together, with another guy, her looking all doe-eyed to him, and me in the hall, and me with a heavy heart. I missed my chance.

It gets worse. Way worse.

About a month ago, I got glasses. And while in 5th period, she decided to comment on them, and the dialogue went like this.

"Hey, Hunter, I like your glasses!"

"Oh, Thanks"

"Heh, I remember I had a crush on you in middle school!"

*My mind* "WHAT!"

My mind went numb, I started to blush uncontrollably, and my heart beated very fast. Even the teacher stated "Look, he's blushing!" and everyone starting laughing, I think with me, though. Yet, I felt awful. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the fact she thought about me in my darkest years, but that's just it, I was depressed over myself for nothing. People liked me, SHE liked me, but I just didn't.

So, to the topic.

Ever since then, I've been grieving over the fact that I missed my opportunity to ask this very nice, popular and beautiful girl out that LIKED me, just because I was depressed and lonely (Im still that, however, just happily so!) and when I build up the confidence to do so, I was too late. Is this necessarily unhealthy? Is it wrong that a side of me wants her and her boyfriend of 7 months now to break up? Should I tell her how I feel? I don't want to make my life some dramatic romantic novel, but I don't know what to do.

I haven't been on this site in ages, and I really had no other place I could vent to. Thanks for reading if you did.

[Karkat]

I'm not attractive enough in any sense for anything like this to ever happen to me, so

Well no, actually, it kind of did once, in a fleeting moment. I started getting really close to this guy I was friends with back in freshman year this October. (Jeez, I hate those kinds of sentences; I was friends first in Freshman year [2011], I got close to him in October [2013]. Moving on.) At one point, he was all "I'm so unattractive, blah blah blah" (He has pretty low self-esteem, nearly as low as mine, or about as low as mine, and uh, I have really low self-esteem.) and I had to tell him why that was bullshit, because I used to have a crush on him.

He thought I was kind of skankish I guess, but apparently he liked me at one point too.

We both kind of went "woah" for a minute, and I think we felt this way for a bit, but seeing as I was in a perfectly happy relationship, and still am, what can you do. (He also lives hundreds of miles away)

I feel you on the whole "life being a romance novel" bit, and instead of explaining on here, I'll just: Leave this here. Yes, this is the same friend. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=208682)

Ah, but now? He's like a brother! I could never imagine a romantic relationship with him.

But unfortunately (due to details that are better explained in the link) after thinking about a certain event, I am sort of sexually attracted to him. It's rare. I don't like men. [Except for my boyfriend and- let's just say shit's complicated.]

So I'm not lamenting over the missed opportunity per se- I love my boyfriend, but I know the feeling.

[Body odah Man]

Let me explain with a backstory.

I have had a crush on a girl ever since I saw her in my 1st period class in 7th grade, and back in middle school I was a really, really depressed kid. I wanted to ask her out, but I just hated myself so much that I really did not want to do so while she was Ms.Popular, as everyone loves her.

Skip to the school year I got out of just a week ago, Sophomore year, or what I've nicknamed my "Absolution Year." I've shredded all since of depression and shyness, I was doing sports and activities, I cleaned up my look and I consider myself quite handsome now, and girls have taken a lot of notice on this as well. But I didn't want them, I wanted her. So, I decided that I would FINALLY ask this girl out. I did not know how, but I would, somehow. So, around the time I was thinking this, well...

...I saw her next to the lockers, as we shared 5th together, with another guy, her looking all doe-eyed to him, and me in the hall, and me with a heavy heart. I missed my chance.

It gets worse. Way worse.

About a month ago, I got glasses. And while in 5th period, she decided to comment on them, and the dialogue went like this.

"Hey, Hunter, I like your glasses!"

"Oh, Thanks"

"Heh, I remember I had a crush on you in middle school!"

*My mind* "WHAT!"

My mind went numb, I started to blush uncontrollably, and my heart beated very fast. Even the teacher stated "Look, he's blushing!" and everyone starting laughing, I think with me, though. Yet, I felt awful. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the fact she thought about me in my darkest years, but that's just it, I was depressed over myself for nothing. People liked me, SHE liked me, but I just didn't.

So, to the topic.

Ever since then, I've been grieving over the fact that I missed my opportunity to ask this very nice, popular and beautiful girl out that LIKED me, just because I was depressed and lonely (Im still that, however, just happily so!) and when I build up the confidence to do so, I was too late. Is this necessarily unhealthy? Is it wrong that a side of me wants her and her boyfriend of 7 months now to break up? Should I tell her how I feel? I don't want to make my life some dramatic romantic novel, but I don't know what to do.

I haven't been on this site in ages, and I really had no other place I could vent to. Thanks for reading if you did.


Wow, I've heard some tragic stories, but this really takes the cake. I'm rlly sorry dude :( :(
And to answer your question, no it's not wrong to grieve. I would have too if I were in your shoes. I just feel sorry for you that you missed your chance.

[Living For Love]

I don't think you should feel bad for yourself about what happened, because either way, you don't know if the relationship would work at that time, considering how young both of you were. I think you should just move on, because now she has a boyfriend. Maybe you could still give it a shot if they break up, but whatever you do, don't interfere in their relationship.

[WaffleSingSong]

I'm not attractive enough in any sense for anything like this to ever happen to me, so

Well no, actually, it kind of did once, in a fleeting moment. I started getting really close to this guy I was friends with back in freshman year this October. (Jeez, I hate those kinds of sentences; I was friends first in Freshman year [2011], I got close to him in October [2013]. Moving on.) At one point, he was all "I'm so unattractive, blah blah blah" (He has pretty low self-esteem, nearly as low as mine, or about as low as mine, and uh, I have really low self-esteem.) and I had to tell him why that was bullshit, because I used to have a crush on him.

He thought I was kind of skankish I guess, but apparently he liked me at one point too.

We both kind of went "woah" for a minute, and I think we felt this way for a bit, but seeing as I was in a perfectly happy relationship, and still am, what can you do. (He also lives hundreds of miles away)

I feel you on the whole "life being a romance novel" bit, and instead of explaining on here, I'll just: Leave this here. Yes, this is the same friend. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=208682)

Ah, but now? He's like a brother! I could never imagine a romantic relationship with him.

But unfortunately (due to details that are better explained in the link) after thinking about a certain event, I am sort of sexually attracted to him. It's rare. I don't like men. [Except for my boyfriend and- let's just say shit's complicated.]

So I'm not lamenting over the missed opportunity per se- I love my boyfriend, but I know the feeling.

I read the story, and I can feel you in a few ways. I kinda consider myself asexual too, I never really have any sexual feelings for a lot of people, yet this girl is one of them. Also, I "love" people a lot too, anyone I consider a friend I get attached to pretty easy. It seems you two are just, extremely close. I could see why you would ask him about that, I would of too.

Wow, I've heard some tragic stories, but this really takes the cake. I'm rlly sorry dude
And to answer your question, no it's not wrong to grieve. I would have too if I were in your shoes. I just feel sorry for you that you missed your chance

Thanks for the sympathy :)

I don't think you should feel bad for yourself about what happened, because either way, you don't know if the relationship would work at that time, considering how young both of you were. I think you should just move on, because now she has a boyfriend. Maybe you could still give it a shot if they break up, but whatever you do, don't interfere in their relationship.

I understand what you mean, we were young, and relationships at that age usually do end. I also understand your considering about me moving on, and in a way im trying to do that, but I never really felt feelings about anyone like this for anyone, and these feelings lasted this long, I'm finding it really hard to do so.

Oh no, I would never interfere with there relationship. Ever. Sure, I would be enthralled if we had one, but im not some selfish bastard. She seems happy, and if she is happy, I will be happy for her.

[Karkat]

I read the story, and I can feel you in a few ways. I kinda consider myself asexual too, I never really have any sexual feelings for a lot of people, yet this girl is one of them. Also, I "love" people a lot too, anyone I consider a friend I get attached to pretty easy. It seems you two are just, extremely close. I could see why you would ask him about that, I would of too.

Yeah.

I mean, in a way, I wish I hadn't've, because now I see him in that light (which is both irritating and extremely awkward), but I don't exactly regret it. :P

My life, hah. :whoops:

[Devillain]

Well, a few years ago I was in a very similar situation. Dont try to interfere with their relationship, but once they're not together anymore you might give it a chance. She liked you once, so it could happen again.

[highschool]

everything you're feeling is normal. Sadly for the bf, and luckily for you they probably will breakup, and then you can try to hang out with her.

[WaffleSingSong]

Well, a few years ago I was in a very similar situation. Don't try to interfere with their relationship, but once they're not together anymore you might give it a chance. She liked you once, so it could happen again.

Again, I would never interfere with the relationship, I'm not a selfish person. And again, if she is happy, i'm happy. I think in a way she still likes me, she is always so nice to me, and it seems like she tries to always tries to interact with me somehow if we are together in some way.

everything you're feeling is normal. Sadly for the bf, and luckily for you they probably will breakup, and then you can try to hang out with her.

Thanks. And well, that's just it, If they break up. However, her boyfriend just graduated and I think is going to college while she have two more years of high, and they have already been together for 7 months. So if they will ever break up because of something, it would be soon. (Grr, I hate typing this, I don't like thinking about me hoping someone's feelings get hurt, even if it is a guy im jealous about :mad:)

[StacyD]

To answer your question, no it's not "wrong" to grieve or feel regret. But just realize you're feeling regret of the uncertainty of what might have happened. As others have said, it might not have worked out at all. It could also be a situation where, even though you don't realize it now, one day you'll see that things happened a certain way so you could be in a better position to act on something even better later.

My dad likes country music and he plays a song sometime by Garth Brooks that says something like some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. We might think we want something now, but later we see we were better off without it all along.

But back to your feelings, feel regret, it's ok. But then dust off and move on to even better things. :)