Rock Bottom Loveless

[Lovelife090994]

I don't feel love anymore. I don't love anymore. I barely love if at all any of my family and I nearly despise them. I feel crazy and spiraling. I want to leave and be alone forever. I can never love or be loved. I am flawed and inadequate. I don't think I ever did love anyone. But I don't have the heart or lack of one to tell my mother since that would kill her. I don't know love or feel it, and I hate living in secrets about who or what I am. I want to sleep and never wake up. I don't feel welcome anywhere and I have no one to go to. I don't even think I will ever be accepted and loved; I'm too flawed.

I do wish I wasn't so sensitive sometimes. I pick up on everything it seems. I can have serious shifts where I become near crazed and mean-spirited not caring about anything or anyone. I know I'm supposed to be Christian but sometimes in my mind I do very bad things.

[Leprous]

Hey, I'm not sure what is going on with you but I can atleast try to comfort/cheer you up a bit. You are deffenitly not worthless, and you shouldn't say you wanna die, that is bad. I'm sure thing will be alright, you just need to give everything some time. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always there for you. :)

[TheLoneWolf]

You're welcome on this forum! That's at least one place where you can feel welcome :)
Love is definitely import in one's life. Love doesn't have to be that strong though. I do not 'love' my sister, I could say I could live without her. But truth is, I can't.
You probably can't live without your mom, can you? You'd miss her right. You will not tell her about this because you're scared you will hurt her.
Maybe that's a form of love too.

Your username is LoveLife. You must love life, otherwise you wouldn't have come up with it. There's something you love. Maybe not love for a specific person but love for a group of people or maybe just a thing. Don't you love the smell of freshly mown grass? Don't you love seeing happy ducklings in a pound?
It's small things you do love that make life worth it. :)

(Btw, marb121, you're awesome for supporting people on this forum :) )

[Lovelife090994]

You're welcome on this forum! That's at least one place where you can feel welcome :)
Love is definitely import in one's life. Love doesn't have to be that strong though. I do not 'love' my sister, I could say I could live without her. But truth is, I can't.
You probably can't live without your mom, can you? You'd miss her right. You will not tell her about this because you're scared you will hurt her.
Maybe that's a form of love too.


Your username is LoveLife. You must love life, otherwise you wouldn't have come up with it. There's something you love. Maybe not love for a specific person but love for a group of people or maybe just a thing. Don't you love the smell of freshly mown grass? Don't you love seeing happy ducklings in a pound?
It's small things you do love that make life worth it. :)

(Btw, marb121, you're awesome for supporting people on this forum :) )

I haven't done anything supportive.

[Leprous]

You're welcome on this forum! That's at least one place where you can feel welcome :)
Love is definitely import in one's life. Love doesn't have to be that strong though. I do not 'love' my sister, I could say I could live without her. But truth is, I can't.
You probably can't live without your mom, can you? You'd miss her right. You will not tell her about this because you're scared you will hurt her.
Maybe that's a form of love too.

Your username is LoveLife. You must love life, otherwise you wouldn't have come up with it. There's something you love. Maybe not love for a specific person but love for a group of people or maybe just a thing. Don't you love the smell of freshly mown grass? Don't you love seeing happy ducklings in a pound?
It's small things you do love that make life worth it. :)

(Btw, marb121, you're awesome for supporting people on this forum :) )

Thanks :), I'm trying to comfort people in this forum as much as possible.

[LouBerry]

I don't feel love anymore. I don't love anymore. I barely love if at all any of my family and I nearly despise them. I feel crazy and spiraling. I want to leave and be alone forever. I can never love or be loved. I am flawed and inadequate. I don't think I ever did love anyone. But I don't have the heart or lack of one to tell my mother since that would kill her. I don't know love or feel it, and I hate living in secrets about who or what I am. I want to sleep and never wake up. I don't feel welcome anywhere and I have no one to go to. I don't even think I will ever be accepted and loved; I'm too flawed.

When I took a break from VT and disappeared , you were one of the only three people that still posted visitor messages, and asked me how I was, even though it was months before I came back. That took caring about me. You cared about how I was doing, you cared about my birthday, or you wouldn't have said anything, especially not after it became obvious that I was gone. You felt enough love for me to check on me, even though we hardly know each other, so I bet that you love other people, and you're just having a rough time. It's going to get better. Even if you do hate almost everyone in your life, there are some people out there that you can't help but love, and I'm almost 100% sure you know at least one of them.

[CharlieHorse]

I don't feel love anymore. I don't love anymore. I barely love if at all any of my family and I nearly despise them. I feel crazy and spiraling. I want to leave and be alone forever. I can never love or be loved. I am flawed and inadequate. I don't think I ever did love anyone. But I don't have the heart or lack of one to tell my mother since that would kill her. I don't know love or feel it, and I hate living in secrets about who or what I am. I want to sleep and never wake up. I don't feel welcome anywhere and I have no one to go to. I don't even think I will ever be accepted and loved; I'm too flawed.

Hey buddy.
Love is just about the only thing us humans can do well. It may not seem like it, but you are loved. Sounds like what you're feeling is general depression, and that's ok. It's not your fault. But with that, sometimes the little bits of love go unnoticed or forgotten.
Are you actively seeing a therapist or psychiatrist about this? Have you been diagnosed with anything like depression?
Can you talk to a friend? I'm sure that there's a lot of people who care.

[Lovelife090994]

Hey buddy.
Love is just about the only thing us humans can do well. It may not seem like it, but you are loved. Sounds like what you're feeling is general depression, and that's ok. It's not your fault. But with that, sometimes the little bits of love go unnoticed or forgotten.
Are you actively seeing a therapist or psychiatrist about this? Have you been diagnosed with anything like depression?
Can you talk to a friend? I'm sure that there's a lot of people who care.

I have no one to talk to. I've been depressed for years and criticized. I hate how critical my family can be, and I hate how I can never be or find myself. I don't even think I know what it means to be happy or loved. I can't afford psychiatric help, and my mother would not have it. I tried telling my mother what was going on but she either writes it off with "cheer up," "be happy, " or, "pray and read your Bible." I pray everyday and it helps a little but I never sleep till past 1 am from how sad I feel. I used to want companions, but now I just want to be alone. I have too many issues to be with anyone. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. My family just thinks I'm negative.

When I took a break from VT and disappeared , you were one of the only three people that still posted visitor messages, and asked me how I was, even though it was months before I came back. That took caring about me. You cared about how I was doing, you cared about my birthday, or you wouldn't have said anything, especially not after it became obvious that I was gone. You felt enough love for me to check on me, even though we hardly know each other, so I bet that you love other people, and you're just having a rough time. It's going to get better. Even if you do hate almost everyone in your life, there are some people out there that you can't help but love, and I'm almost 100% sure you know at least one of them.

I know my mother loves me, but I almost don't feel the same and don't have the heart to tell her. I cared about you because that's just me. I hate not hearing from someone I have interest to, and I was a little worried. I'm a bit too worrisome and empathetic sometimes. I asked how you were because I wanted to, and because that's my nature. I'm shy and quiet but generally I care. Sadly, I care too much and it has left me timid and meek. I just can never seem to feel happiness, only pain, sadness, and loneliness. I try to convince myself how I can make it alone but I don't know how to. I just feel so hollow and useless.

[CharlieHorse]

I have no one to talk to. I've been depressed for years and criticized. I hate how critical my family can be, and I hate how I can never be or find myself. I don't even think I know what it means to be happy or loved. I can't afford psychiatric help, and my mother would not have it. I tried telling my mother what was going on but she either writes it off with "cheer up," "be happy, " or, "pray and read your Bible." I pray everyday and it helps a little but I never sleep till past 1 am from how sad I feel. I used to want companions, but now I just want to be alone. I have too many issues to be with anyone. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. My family just thinks I'm negative.


It kinda sounds like your mom doesn't fully understand the condition. Have you ever talked to her about depression from the mental disorder point of view? If she could understand that it's a real thing that needs professional help, then maybe she'd be willing to be open to ideas and maybe you can get help from a therapist.

[Hudor]

I have no one to talk to. I've been depressed for years and criticized. I hate how critical my family can be, and I hate how I can never be or find myself. I don't even think I know what it means to be happy or loved. I can't afford psychiatric help, and my mother would not have it. I tried telling my mother what was going on but she either writes it off with "cheer up," "be happy, " or, "pray and read your Bible." I pray everyday and it helps a little but I never sleep till past 1 am from how sad I feel. I used to want companions, but now I just want to be alone. I have too many issues to be with anyone. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. My family just thinks I'm negative.



I know my mother loves me, but I almost don't feel the same and don't have the heart to tell her. I cared about you because that's just me. I hate not hearing from someone I have interest to, and I was a little worried. I'm a bit too worrisome and empathetic sometimes. I asked how you were because I wanted to, and because that's my nature. I'm shy and quiet but generally I care. Sadly, I care too much and it has left me timid and meek. I just can never seem to feel happiness, only pain, sadness, and loneliness. I try to convince myself how I can make it alone but I don't know how to. I just feel so hollow and useless.

I can understand about being too caring. I care too much for too many people
and generally they respond in a less than caring, insensitive manner which makes me lose the point of devoting so much time and attention to them. I shouldn't have any expectations I know but I wish for them to at least not be unkind to me. I think some part of your own problem also lies in this. I've tried to harden myself and though I still help everyone as much as possible I sort of move ahead after that. AND i understand you need company in the real world but any time you wish to talk I'll always be here so feel free to PM me.

[Lovelife090994]

It kinda sounds like your mom doesn't fully understand the condition. Have you ever talked to her about depression from the mental disorder point of view? If she could understand that it's a real thing that needs professional help, then maybe she'd be willing to be open to ideas and maybe you can get help from a therapist.

My mom sees depression as a disease. Is depression a disease? And I am so scared to open up to a psychiatrist on it. What I put online is only half of it and is technically anonymous. I think my mother understands depression. This is a woman who would evict me, and lay me on the altar if she knew I was bisexual and possibly bigender or queer altogether. But this isn't about my sexuality. I just feel so down all of the time and critical of myself. I'm no fan of myself.

[Leprous]

Depression is deffinitly no dissease! You tru to find someone to talk to, even if it's no doctor, find someone you trust. You should be a fan of yourself. Everybody has their own flaws, and we should all live with them, how hard it may seem. You will be happy again, and I'm sure of it. You just need to find a friend, and I'm sure you will, just try to be yourself, and everything will be allright.

[Lovelife090994]

Depression is deffinitly no dissease! You tru to find someone to talk to, even if it's no doctor, find someone you trust. You should be a fan of yourself. Everybody has their own flaws, and we should all live with them, how hard it may seem. You will be happy again, and I'm sure of it. You just need to find a friend, and I'm sure you will, just try to be yourself, and everything will be allright.

I hope you are right.

[Leprous]

I am, you have yo believe me, and you'll be fine. I'm sure of it. :)

[Lovelife090994]

I am, you have yo believe me, and you'll be fine. I'm sure of it. :)

Have you seen my latest rant? I feel insane and very bad. I don't think I know what "fine" feels like.

[Leprous]

I haven't seen it, but look, you will be okay, it will take some time, but everything will be okay for you. I'm sure about it, but you have to believe in yourself aswell, as hard as it may seem, you have to do it.

[Lovelife090994]

I haven't seen it, but look, you will be okay, it will take some time, but everything will be okay for you. I'm sure about it, but you have to believe in yourself aswell, as hard as it may seem, you have to do it.

Yeah, well I've tried that. It. Never works. Holding on the hope and love never worked or lasted for me. I may be okay but I don't feel it.

[Leprous]

Look, I know it's hard, but that's what life is. Life is never easy, and if we keep on fighting, and if we try to move on, everything will be alright eventually. Sometimes it takes allot of time, but you should never ever ever give up. There is always hope to get better, hold on to that hope.

[Lovelife090994]

Look, I know it's hard, but that's what life is. Life is never easy, and if we keep on fighting, and if we try to move on, everything will be alright eventually. Sometimes it takes allot of time, but you should never ever ever give up. There is always hope to get better, hold on to that hope.

It's hard to have hope for me. I'm sorry to dismiss you but I can never seem to hope.

[Leprous]

It's hard to have hope for me. I'm sorry to dismiss you but I can never seem to hope.

Look, first of all, don't be sorry, I'm not giving up on people who need help.
I know it's hard to believe but there is hope, you just don't realise it. We are all there or you, and everyone here will try to help you, but you first needbto believe in yourself again.

[Lovelife090994]

Look, first of all, don't be sorry, I'm not giving up on people who need help.
I know it's hard to believe but there is hope, you just don't realise it. We are all there or you, and everyone here will try to help you, but you first needbto believe in yourself again.

But I don't know how. That's my problem.

[Leprous]

You'll find out, I can't really help with that, but you will.