my take on insecurity

[Jman437]

I'm insecure, my life has been a train wreck: I was bullied until 9th grade, girls never really got along with me and even ran away from me in disgust because of my social awkwardness. I'm now in college, and it hurts to see everyone of my friends in a relationship. It just hurts... I'm in college, college is the time to get someone...

And now, everyone's telling me that "insecurity is a huge turn off in guys". I get it, insecure people can be controlling, abusive and life-destructive, but if you took the time to really understand them, you maybe find a very loving, understanding and caring person, and MAYBE those flaws would be no more. Plus, not every insecure person is controlling, abusive and life-destrucrive. And no, I wouldn't mind to date an insecure girl, I know what's like to have the universe bite your hand off everytime you try to reach out of it, when things have no chance of going wrong, and then everything just falls apart. And yes, there's a limit, if she passes it, I just break up with her. But overall, I understand why some people are insecure!

I have nothing against people who live life happily, life can be cool sometimes. I just hate when people start teasing and shunning insecure people. Let's use "Chad" as an example. Chad is the proverbial confident, optimistic and cheerful guy everyone knows and likes. When people ask him for advice on how to pick up chicks or how to succeed at that job interview, he just tells them to "be confident, because chicks dig it". Yes, even if you're a freaking idiot, if you show a little bit of confidence, people will follow you to the ends of the earth. Yes, confidence is cool because it's an indicator of past success, but you, my dear friend Chad, find it easier to take those chances because, very early on, you had positive results from taking them. You are confident when talking to girls because you ALWAYS had them saying "yes" to you every time! You don't know what I'm talking about because you never had it any other way. Now go and relive your life as the weird kid, the fat kid or the poor kid. Reach ages 12 or 13, and watch girls give you the same look they give to a spider they found in the bathtub, with a body language that says "get the hell out of my sight, you creepy ass weirdo!". Go back and live your life in a universe that bites your hand off everytime you try to reach out of it. Then see what your confidence is like at age 23. You see, confidence is the result, and not the cause, of your past success. Confidence is not some secret sauce that solves everything! Sometimes, if you're confident in yourself, you're probably too stupid to know what failure feels like.

Next time you tell this to insecure people, just remember that a caged bird thinks flying is a disease, it's gonna take a while before he starts to fly around like a free bird ^^. We good, my friend. Okay, see ya later ;)

I'm not looking for reasons to be insecure, I just want people to look at things the way an insecure person does, in order to understand why he/she feels like this, instead of randomly bashing, ignoring and/or judging them like a bunch of mouthbreathers.

You know what's the only thing I'm confident about? My book smarts! You want to know why? Because when I was in elementary school, every single teacher told me they loved to read my texts and following my clean and concise thinking, and my test grades were good most of the time! Yes, I had a few failures, but when you're used to being smiled at by life, you face them with a new light! I'm not saying I'm a genius(the more I know, the more I don't know xD), I'm good at school, just that xD.

As I told Chad, my only insecurity is in the relationship(or social) department. I'm afraid I'll have to end up alone because of my insecurity issue, although I don't think it's the biggest personal issue possible for someone to have. I don't get it, why don't people know that there's actually LOTS of intelligent, loving and caring people who just happen to be insecure because of a deep-seated problem, and ignorant, idotic confident people?

[Zteenagedude]

This is just the way you are made. In college things can be a lot about popularity but in the real world there is always someone out there for you. Insecurity. If someone doesn't like u for being insecure then they aren't perfect for u. I wouldn't suggest pretending to be something your not. There is nothing wring with being insecure.

[Stronk Serb]

I am a bit insecure. Most girls run away from me like a granny from Grim Reaper. There's nothing I can do except staying strong.

[Jman437]

I feel you, Comrade Mike. I also don't understand why people cringe at the slightest sign of insecurity... It's just stupid, I know that insecurity can break relationships, but this only happens when it reaches an intolerable amount... It's absolutely normal to be insecure, uncertainty is the only constant in life for christ's sake!

[dirtyboxer55]

sounds like you have never tried being confident.

[Jman437]

sounds like you have never tried being confident.

Actually, I'm trying every single day, BUT (I'll repeat) a caged bird thinks flying is a disease, it's being extremely hard to feel genuinely confident. Not that I don't want to be confident, it's just that I never had it any other way.

[Body odah Man]

I'm insecure, my life has been a train wreck: I was bullied until 9th grade, girls never really got along with me and even ran away from me in disgust because of my social awkwardness. I'm now in college, and it hurts to see everyone of my friends in a relationship. It just hurts... I'm in college, college is the time to get someone...

And now, everyone's telling me that "insecurity is a huge turn off in guys". I get it, insecure people can be controlling, abusive and life-destructive, but if you took the time to really understand them, you maybe find a very loving, understanding and caring person, and MAYBE those flaws would be no more. Plus, not every insecure person is controlling, abusive and life-destrucrive. And no, I wouldn't mind to date an insecure girl, I know what's like to have the universe bite your hand off everytime you try to reach out of it, when things have no chance of going wrong, and then everything just falls apart. And yes, there's a limit, if she passes it, I just break up with her. But overall, I understand why some people are insecure!

I have nothing against people who live life happily, life can be cool sometimes. I just hate when people start teasing and shunning insecure people. Let's use "Chad" as an example. Chad is the proverbial confident, optimistic and cheerful guy everyone knows and likes. When people ask him for advice on how to pick up chicks or how to succeed at that job interview, he just tells them to "be confident, because chicks dig it". Yes, even if you're a freaking idiot, if you show a little bit of confidence, people will follow you to the ends of the earth. Yes, confidence is cool because it's an indicator of past success, but you, my dear friend Chad, find it easier to take those chances because, very early on, you had positive results from taking them. You are confident when talking to girls because you ALWAYS had them saying "yes" to you every time! You don't know what I'm talking about because you never had it any other way. Now go and relive your life as the weird kid, the fat kid or the poor kid. Reach ages 12 or 13, and watch girls give you the same look they give to a spider they found in the bathtub, with a body language that says "get the hell out of my sight, you creepy ass weirdo!". Go back and live your life in a universe that bites your hand off everytime you try to reach out of it. Then see what your confidence is like at age 23. You see, confidence is the result, and not the cause, of your past success. Confidence is not some secret sauce that solves everything! Sometimes, if you're confident in yourself, you're probably too stupid to know what failure feels like.

Next time you tell this to insecure people, just remember that a caged bird thinks flying is a disease, it's gonna take a while before he starts to fly around like a free bird ^^. We good, my friend. Okay, see ya later ;)

I'm not looking for reasons to be insecure, I just want people to look at things the way an insecure person does, in order to understand why he/she feels like this, instead of randomly bashing, ignoring and/or judging them like a bunch of mouthbreathers.

You know what's the only thing I'm confident about? My book smarts! You want to know why? Because when I was in elementary school, every single teacher told me they loved to read my texts and following my clean and concise thinking, and my test grades were good most of the time! Yes, I had a few failures, but when you're used to being smiled at by life, you face them with a new light! I'm not saying I'm a genius(the more I know, the more I don't know xD), I'm good at school, just that xD.

As I told Chad, my only insecurity is in the relationship(or social) department. I'm afraid I'll have to end up alone because of my insecurity issue, although I don't think it's the biggest personal issue possible for someone to have. I don't get it, why don't people know that there's actually LOTS of intelligent, loving and caring people who just happen to be insecure because of a deep-seated problem, and ignorant, idotic confident people?

I'm sorry man. I too have suffered from insecurity, tho not as much as you have I believe, and it sucks. I'm sorry for all you've gone through and hope things improve.

[Jman437]

Thanks, bebop. It just hurts seeing all my friend in a relationship, while I'm still single(and probably stay that way) because I'm naturally insecure... Dammit, don't they know there's some good behind insecurity?

[Stronk Serb]

Thanks, bebop. It just hurts seeing all my friend in a relationship, while I'm still single(and probably stay that way) because I'm naturally insecure... Dammit, don't they know there's some good behind insecurity?

At the last day of school I got drunk before school with my friends. I became more confident because I was relaxed and didn't think about the consequences. Now I don't say get dead drunk every day, but try to relax and don't overthink it. I found it a lot easier to talk to everyone after that day because I could've made an extreme idiot of myself but I didn't care. I think some girls sort of noticed me.

[Karkat]

While I think it's a little ridiculous to be entirely repulsed by insecurity, er, insecurity is by definition not a good thing. Anxiety and neuroticism are literally the opposite of "a good time". I mean, sure, not everyone lets their insecurity, their anxiety or neuroticism BECOME them, it's just a minor flaw they have to work on, but geez, letting insecurity overcome you is just about as asinine as letting yourself become overconfident and over-secure.

[Jman437]

While I think it's a little ridiculous to be entirely repulsed by insecurity, er, insecurity is by definition not a good thing. Anxiety and neuroticism are literally the opposite of "a good time". I mean, sure, not everyone lets their insecurity, their anxiety or neuroticism BECOME them, it's just a minor flaw they have to work on, but geez, letting insecurity overcome you is just about as asinine as letting yourself become overconfident and over-secure.

Yes, it's possible. You won't even imagine the type of people I've ever met. They CRINGE(not literally, of course :b) at the slightest sign(or what they think is a sign) of insecurity. I know, it's not a good thing, I know, it's like the economical crisis: it's bad, but it's not as bad as people say it is. The people I knew were afraid of insecurity like someone is afraid of spiders(it's comparable, trust me xd). I remember one time when me and my classmates were talking about the final math exam, and I was a little anxious about it, and I said: "I hope I can pass, math is so difficult...". I kid you not, they all started complaining about how insecure I was, and how insecure people never get anything in the world, and how I sucked the positivity out of the room... Of course I don't let insecurity, anxiety and neuroticism get in the way, but come on, this is just downright idiotic! It's absolutely NORMAL to feel a little anxious, if anxiety didn't exist, we wouldn't be doing anything xD but come on, why people have to be such a bunch of idiots!?

[Karkat]

Yes, it's possible. You won't even imagine the type of people I've ever met. They CRINGE(not literally, of course :b) at the slightest sign(or what they think is a sign) of insecurity. I know, it's not a good thing, I know, it's like the economical crisis: it's bad, but it's not as bad as people say it is. The people I knew were afraid of insecurity like someone is afraid of spiders(it's comparable, trust me xd). I remember one time when me and my classmates were talking about the final math exam, and I was a little anxious about it, and I said: "I hope I can pass, math is so difficult...". I kid you not, they all started complaining about how insecure I was, and how insecure people never get anything in the world, and how I sucked the positivity out of the room... Of course I don't let insecurity, anxiety and neuroticism get in the way, but come on, this is just downright idiotic! It's absolutely NORMAL to feel a little anxious, if anxiety didn't exist, we wouldn't be doing anything xD but come on, why people have to be such a bunch of idiots!?

Ok, first off, and this is kind of unrelated:

Saying that the economic crisis isn't "that bad" is kind of like saying climate change isn't "that bad" because we aren't living in the apocalypse.

Sure, we are not living in the dustbowl, but there are a lot of people who were once living comfortable lives that are now barely scraping by. A lot. And if you're young, a lot of your future either relies on family wealth or connections, both, or LUCK. SHEER CHANCE. It's depressing, actually. College is a chance game. Going out into the field is a chance game. Things are only certain out there if you're well-off. And make the right choices.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand, it does seem like you are around a lot of ridiculous people. That's shitty, I'm sorry for that. But you seemed to make it sound like insecurity was somehow noble in your OP, which irked me a bit. :P

[Jman437]

Ok, first off, and this is kind of unrelated:

Saying that the economic crisis isn't "that bad" is kind of like saying climate change isn't "that bad" because we aren't living in the apocalypse.

Sure, we are not living in the dustbowl, but there are a lot of people who were once living comfortable lives that are now barely scraping by. A lot. And if you're young, a lot of your future either relies on family wealth or connections, both, or LUCK. SHEER CHANCE. It's depressing, actually. College is a chance game. Going out into the field is a chance game. Things are only certain out there if you're well-off. And make the right choices.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand, it does seem like you are around a lot of ridiculous people. That's shitty, I'm sorry for that. But you seemed to make it sound like insecurity was somehow noble in your OP, which irked me a bit. :P

Ok, first off, and this is kind of unrelated:

Saying that the economic crisis isn't "that bad" is kind of like saying climate change isn't "that bad" because we aren't living in the apocalypse.

Sure, we are not living in the dustbowl, but there are a lot of people who were once living comfortable lives that are now barely scraping by. A lot. And if you're young, a lot of your future either relies on family wealth or connections, both, or LUCK. SHEER CHANCE. It's depressing, actually. College is a chance game. Going out into the field is a chance game. Things are only certain out there if you're well-off. And make the right choices.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand, it does seem like you are around a lot of ridiculous people. That's shitty, I'm sorry for that. But you seemed to make it sound like insecurity was somehow noble in your OP, which irked me a bit. :P

I just wanted to show the life of an insecure person, so people understood what insecurity is all about, since very few people understanding. It isn't noble, nor I meant it to sound that way, it's shitty, painful and emotional devastating, because people don't understand and don't care the least about it... I was trying to show the harsh reality of insecurity and how it isn't a noble thing...

And the worst of it? It's being extremely difficult to change, because people won't change themselves, so I gotta change myself... It's impossible to not be fearful of dying alone when I'm living in a world full of idiots who think insecure people don't have any good in them.

[Karkat]

I just wanted to show the life of an insecure person, so people understood what insecurity is all about, since very few people understanding. It isn't noble, nor I meant it to sound that way, it's shitty, painful and emotional devastating, because people don't understand and don't care the least about it... I was trying to show the harsh reality of insecurity and how it isn't a noble thing...

And the worst of it? It's being extremely difficult to change, because people won't change themselves, so I gotta change myself... It's impossible to not be fearful of dying alone when I'm living in a world full of idiots who think insecure people don't have any good in them.

It is extremely difficult to change when no one around you is willing to do shit. Best of luck.

[Jman437]

It is extremely difficult to change when no one around you is willing to do shit. Best of luck.

Thank you, man ;) it's just that it starts to be a little depressing being all by myself, while everyone else has someone who they can share their happiness with...

[Karkat]

Thank you, man ;) it's just that it starts to be a little depressing being all by myself, while everyone else has someone who they can share their happiness with...

Yeah, it really can be. Though I'll warn you- being in a relationship doesn't automatically solve it. You have to work for it. :P

[Jman437]

I know, but having someone who loves you for you is the greatest help to overcome it, and that's just what I need...

[Jean Poutine]

I know, but having someone who loves you for you is the greatest help to overcome it, and that's just what I need...

If you think you actually need a relationship, you already have a foot in the grave on the way to dying alone. Sad, but true. Nobody should need anybody. I think you put much stock in something you've never had, but trust me, being a bachelor has its huge perks. Sometimes I actually miss being a single, awkward teen, because as awkward as I was, that meant I could do whatever the Hell I wanted, when I wanted. Granted, what I wanted was mostly playing World of Warcraft for the whole day, months on end, but damn, I miss that freedom, even though if given the choice I wouldn't go back.

Ever heard of "fake it until you make it"? I mean it doesn't even have to seem genuine in your head, the only thing that has not to be half-assed is your body language and tone of voice. Doesn't matter if you tremble in your boots while doing it, as long as nobody sees it ie. it's kept inside your head. It just takes some self-control, not a whole mindset overhaul on the first day. If you try to BE confident, it'll be hard and you will fail. Just look like it, thankfully it's easy to mimic by picking any suitable role model and studying their mannerisms, and when you manage to trick a few people it's like a snowball downhill, your successes in deceit inspire you or give you opportunities to excel and suddenly your mode of thinking changes to accompany what you display outside.

This topic is hilarious because the insecure guy you're describing was me and I'm now exactly 23...been faking it since my break-up, which landed me in a mental hospital BTW (to be fair, it wasn't only the break-up, but a lot of bad things happening at exactly the same time) and mysteriously things started going right, got my degree, going to the masters, got off the antidepressants, published an essay, met who I believe might be Miss Rightforme, and so on. I'm pretty confident, I gotta say, without any need to fake it. Sometimes I even surprise myself by being cocky.

Just look like you are for now, it's amazing how many opportunities just jump at you when you seem confident, and these successes will make it so you don't have to fake anymore. Best part is it only requires you and willpower, no need for love or a girlfriend or anything else but you.

I'm not a person that balks at insecurity because I've lived it. So I wait and see if there's anything deeper inside. Sometimes there's shit, sometimes there's gold. Mostly though, people just don't care enough to try. People want instant gratification, and insecurity kind of by definition blocks that.

[Jman437]

If you think you actually need a relationship, you already have a foot in the grave on the way to dying alone. Sad, but true. Nobody should need anybody. I think you put much stock in something you've never had, but trust me, being a bachelor has its huge perks. Sometimes I actually miss being a single, awkward teen, because as awkward as I was, that meant I could do whatever the Hell I wanted, when I wanted. Granted, what I wanted was mostly playing World of Warcraft for the whole day, months on end, but damn, I miss that freedom, even though if given the choice I wouldn't go back.

Ever heard of "fake it until you make it"? I mean it doesn't even have to seem genuine in your head, the only thing that has not to be half-assed is your body language and tone of voice. Doesn't matter if you tremble in your boots while doing it, as long as nobody sees it ie. it's kept inside your head. It just takes some self-control, not a whole mindset overhaul on the first day. If you try to BE confident, it'll be hard and you will fail. Just look like it, thankfully it's easy to mimic by picking any suitable role model and studying their mannerisms, and when you manage to trick a few people it's like a snowball downhill, your successes in deceit inspire you or give you opportunities to excel and suddenly your mode of thinking changes to accompany what you display outside.

This topic is hilarious because the insecure guy you're describing was me and I'm now exactly 23...been faking it since my break-up, which landed me in a mental hospital BTW (to be fair, it wasn't only the break-up, but a lot of bad things happening at exactly the same time) and mysteriously things started going right, got my degree, going to the masters, got off the antidepressants, published an essay, met who I believe might be Miss Rightforme, and so on. I'm pretty confident, I gotta say, without any need to fake it. Sometimes I even surprise myself by being cocky.

Just look like you are for now, it's amazing how many opportunities just jump at you when you seem confident, and these successes will make it so you don't have to fake anymore. Best part is it only requires you and willpower, no need for love or a girlfriend or anything else but you.

I'm not a person that balks at insecurity because I've lived it. So I wait and see if there's anything deeper inside. Sometimes there's shit, sometimes there's gold. Mostly though, people just don't care enough to try. People want instant gratification, and insecurity kind of by definition blocks that.

I don't miss those times as an awkward, shy teen, I've seen all my friends in relationships while I was alone as a stray dog and girls cringing when they noticed the slightest sign of insecurity, AND to add insult to injury, my friends would tease me because I was single(and still tease me). I like having lots of time, but goddammit, it gets so freaking boring sometimes! Always alone, always the same shit, playing games for hours on end. Fuck, I wasn't meant to be an island. I need someone to share my happiness with!

Although I like myself, I want to have someone by my side who I can cuddle with and share my love with, it's all I want, it's the happiness boost I need!

I know it's a very good thing to do, but it will be extremely hard to fake it, because my brain passes it as a virus, and tries to eliminate it at all costs, and it can't be turned off, only turned down. I'm gonna try, but it's gonna take lots and lots of time before it can pass undetected by people...

[TheGuest]

I love being a loner....because when im famous, everyone will realize what they were missing out on. Jokes, im not really a loner Im just shy and socially awkward with people I dont know.

[Jman437]

I love being a loner....because when im famous, everyone will realize what they were missing out on. Jokes, im not really a loner Im just shy and socially awkward with people I dont know.

Well, at least people don't cringe at the slightest sight of your awkwardness, or do they?

[TheGuest]

Well, at least people don't cringe at the slightest sight of your awkwardness, or do they?

Heck when it comes to peolpe I dont know, I can never talk like my normal self. Who knows what those people are thinking.

But actually I saw this quote on twitter recently.
"People with awkward personalities are natural stress relievers, easier to talk to & funnier than the average person."

[AceofSpades97]

Insecurity can only be overcome with or a relationship or a good friend who helps you with it it's how I got over it my friend helped me get confidence on some stuff etc. And try to say to yourself sometime that you look great or something it may sound egocentric but it helps boosting self esteem.

[Jman437]

Problem is, I don't have friends who I can trust. I have 4 best friends, all of them are dating and don't want to talk to me because "I don't have a girlfriend, therefore I'm a loser", and to add insult to injury, a girlfriend is almost impossible to get, because I'm not an abundantly confident dude, and I'm not one of those. Fuck, even if I fake it, I will have to show her my true self with all my flaws, and I'm pretty damn sure she won't like an insecure guy, EVEN if it doesn't cripple the relationship.

Yes, it's true, I had an extremely awkward friend in high school and I reaply enjoyed talking to him. I could talk about situations that other people would perceive as "awkward" and "embarassing". Yes, that's completely true, but people just can't see through that, they're too much of a bunch of fucking idiots to understand it. They want instant gratification(like Jean Poutine wisely and correctly stated), they're a bunch of impatient mouthbreathers. But oh well, since people are too stupid to acknowledge it, I'll have to change myself completely, I'll have to become the proverbial confident guy everyone loves, while I'm better off being a mildly insecure, humble, cauteous, thoughtful lad that I am.