Harizu
June 8th, 2014, 05:18 AM
I thought that my problem with the guy I love was that he didn't like me because of some physical flaws... Small boobs, the wounds on my legs, or something else... But I realized that what turns him away from me is my being cold and detached... How can I stop it?
e.g., yesterday I and a friend of mine (who is also a friend of his) were going to a comic shop; there we met him. I started to panic, and when I saw him I stiffened and I simply told him "hello" with an emotionless face and a flat tone. My friend told me he had even gone towards me to kiss me and hug me, but that I stiffened and did nothing! Damn, I didn't even notice he did so...
I already told him how I feel about him, but maybe I have been too cold even then; I couldn't talk and I didn't tell him what I really felt, because I told him "I like you" and not "I love you" like I actually thought; there's a big difference between the two, and I don't just "like" him, I really love him. All this ended up with me being friendzoned by him. I'm glad we are friends, but that's not my goal.
I am scared of showing my feelings, and even when I would want to run and hug him I don't and remain cold. I can barely touch him or kiss his cheek. I fear that if I show my feelings I will be disappointed, or that I might hurt him because of my anger, which I can't control. Shortly, I repress myself, and because of this I can't make the final step. This friend of mine (who is his best friend) told me he told her (because she met me) about a girl who was very nice and cute whose name was Kiara... Well, I found out I am that Kiara. We even like the same things and share many interests and hobbies, but my coldness is a big problem... My fear or being hurt or hurting him. This friend is trying to help me to get closer to him, but I understand that if I don't make the major change, what I want will not happen.
How can I free myself of this coldness, that was built in years of pain, fear and feelings of guilt??
e.g., yesterday I and a friend of mine (who is also a friend of his) were going to a comic shop; there we met him. I started to panic, and when I saw him I stiffened and I simply told him "hello" with an emotionless face and a flat tone. My friend told me he had even gone towards me to kiss me and hug me, but that I stiffened and did nothing! Damn, I didn't even notice he did so...
I already told him how I feel about him, but maybe I have been too cold even then; I couldn't talk and I didn't tell him what I really felt, because I told him "I like you" and not "I love you" like I actually thought; there's a big difference between the two, and I don't just "like" him, I really love him. All this ended up with me being friendzoned by him. I'm glad we are friends, but that's not my goal.
I am scared of showing my feelings, and even when I would want to run and hug him I don't and remain cold. I can barely touch him or kiss his cheek. I fear that if I show my feelings I will be disappointed, or that I might hurt him because of my anger, which I can't control. Shortly, I repress myself, and because of this I can't make the final step. This friend of mine (who is his best friend) told me he told her (because she met me) about a girl who was very nice and cute whose name was Kiara... Well, I found out I am that Kiara. We even like the same things and share many interests and hobbies, but my coldness is a big problem... My fear or being hurt or hurting him. This friend is trying to help me to get closer to him, but I understand that if I don't make the major change, what I want will not happen.
How can I free myself of this coldness, that was built in years of pain, fear and feelings of guilt??