Suicide or running away, no other options

[maddogmj77]

My step-dad dropped me off directly at school. I went straight home from there. My dad just called the home phone. He knows I haven't been at school, and he has seen every single message me and my boyfriend have ever sent each other. I wanna DIE RIGHT NOW!!!! I can't do this anymore. I need to runaway, or something. The messages we sent were a bit "graphic", and even talked about my self-harm a lot. All I wanna do is either kill myself or runaway. I don't have anywhere to go, I don't know anybody except like 2 friends. I have to go quick before someone shows up at my house.I thought life would be alright for a while, 22 days SH free, brother is gone for good, my grades were getting better, now everything is ruined. Life will never be ok again. It's been ruined, all cause of me. I can't do this anymore, I'm either gonna kill myself or runaway, I have no other options. Somebody help me? If you don't hear from me for a while, I'm probably grounded for life.

[UnknownError]

Does your dad not approve of being gay? If you're not sure then for all you know he might be accepting and fine with it. As for the self harm stuff, he might be able to get help for you now that he knows. If he even read that far up. You can't just make assumptions, he might not have read much of the messages. Please don't run away, it won't solve anything and will only make things more difficult in the long run.

[CrazyPerson101]

Does your dad not approve of being gay? If you're not sure then for all you know he might be accepting and fine with it. As for the self harm stuff, he might be able to get help for you now that he knows. If he even read that far up. You can't just make assumptions, he might not have read much of the messages. Please don't run away, it won't solve anything and will only make things more difficult in the long run.


He knows ..... btw like the username

[maddogmj77]

I'm at my mom's house now. I just stayed at my mom's house until my stepdad picked me up. I've calmed down now, still sad. :(

[Microcosm]

Don't kill yourself. Life will get better for you. You are just in a slump right now.

[maddogmj77]

I'm at my dad's house right now. I gotta leave for school now. If i'm ever late or skip again I won'y have my phone the entire summer. I feel a lot better right now, but that was comparing myself to when I wanted to die, so I'm still pretty bad. I really wanna hurt myself right now, I'm up to 23 days free though. Anyways, I gotta go, don't wanna get in trouble.

[Jack russell dad]

You can do it. I know you can. Your strong

[xXl0sth0peXx]

To still be 23 days free after this is absolutely incredible, and I hope you're proud of yourself for that. It is absolutely an accomplishment.

It honestly seems like your parents genuinely care for you, as hard as it may be to see. They want you to get your education and be safe and happy. It will get better from here. It may mean having to ask for/get help.. but it will help if you let it.

Don't assume the worst - it's possible he didn't read everything. It's June - school's almost out. Running away won't solve any of your problems; it will only make them worse. Stick with your family and keep your head up. It will be alright.

My PM box is always open if you need someone. x

[maddogmj77]

To still be 23 days free after this is absolutely incredible, and I hope you're proud of yourself for that. It is absolutely an accomplishment.

It honestly seems like your parents genuinely care for you, as hard as it may be to see. They want you to get your education and be safe and happy. It will get better from here. It may mean having to ask for/get help.. but it will help if you let it.

Don't assume the worst - it's possible he didn't read everything. It's June - school's almost out. Running away won't solve any of your problems; it will only make them worse. Stick with your family and keep your head up. It will be alright.

My PM box is always open if you need someone. x
Well, the thing is, I NEVER feel accompishment for not cutting. I felt more accomplisment from building a Bionicle than I do from not cutting this long. I try to feel happy for myself, but then I feel guilty, like I'm not supposed to feel happy about this. I'll message you if I ever need it. :whoops:

[maddogmj77]

On my way home from school, I fell off my bike and scraped my wrist along the cement. When I got home I cleaned it off a bit, went on here and fell asleep accidentally leaving this page open. When I woke up my dad was on the computer looking at it. I made sure to quickly but subtly attract his attention from the page to my injury. He accused me of cutting myself saying that it looked like lines, but I showed him how it also got my hands, arms, and leg. So, it worked pretty good. Eventually I made him go get a cotton swab and I stole his seat, then he went and laid on the bed. I continued conversation with him about a book that is overdue, and we bought one on Amazon. Eventually he fell asleep, I closed them, started watching a Youtube video and am now back on here. Now he knows EVERYTHING!!!! But, the good news is, I don't think he was able to see exactly what me and my BF messaged each other. But still, this is HORRIBLE!!! But, I don't know how long he was on here, and he might not have even known what it was, or that I wrote it. So, I'm gonna continue watching my Videos, and be very nervous. I thought things couldn't get worse, but now I am so screwed, I just wanna go in a box and hide. :(

[Jack russell dad]

Make sure to clean those cuts. And use alcohol. Especially with all these measles outbreaks and stuff

[CrazyPerson101]

On my way home from school, I fell off my bike and scraped my wrist along the cement. When I got home I cleaned it off a bit, went on here and fell asleep accidentally leaving this page open. When I woke up my dad was on the computer looking at it. I made sure to quickly but subtly attract his attention from the page to my injury. He accused me of cutting myself saying that it looked like lines, but I showed him how it also got my hands, arms, and leg. So, it worked pretty good. Eventually I made him go get a cotton swab and I stole his seat, then he went and laid on the bed. I continued conversation with him about a book that is overdue, and we bought one on Amazon. Eventually he fell asleep, I closed them, started watching a Youtube video and am now back on here. Now he knows EVERYTHING!!!! But, the good news is, I don't think he was able to see exactly what me and my BF messaged each other. But still, this is HORRIBLE!!! But, I don't know how long he was on here, and he might not have even known what it was, or that I wrote it. So, I'm gonna continue watching my Videos, and be very nervous. I thought things couldn't get worse, but now I am so screwed, I just wanna go in a box and hide. :(

Make sure to clean those cuts. And use alcohol. Especially with all these measles outbreaks and stuff


Sorry that you're not feeling on that well right now but you should keep those wounds clean so that way you don't get sick as Seth said , Also you know im here if you need someone to talk to. Also before you even put down your ocmputer , I would recommend like making sure you have it closed down and or stuff like that before you do anything else if you don't want your parents seeing it ..... Oh and ( Seth sorry for your loss , I bet Avea was a good dog , she remind me of my "dog mom" Blanca , she was a simoiya )

[Jack russell dad]

Sorry that you're not feeling on that well right now but you should keep those wounds clean so that way you don't get sick as Seth said , Also you know im here if you need someone to talk to. Also before you even put down your ocmputer , I would recommend like making sure you have it closed down and or stuff like that before you do anything else if you don't want your parents seeing it ..... Oh and ( Seth sorry for your loss , I bet Avea was a good dog , she remind me of my "dog mom" Blanca , she was a simoiya )

Avea was a he, but thank you. Sorry for your loss

[CrazyPerson101]

Avea was a he, but thank you. Sorry for your loss


O.o Sorry ... I totaly knew that Avea was a he :/ (Blushy embarrassed face)

[maddogmj77]

Alright, nothing has happened yet, I don't think anything will. I'm still 27 days free.

[maddogmj77]

Well, I lost my blades. I had them wrapped up in a towel in my desk, but because we were taking the desk out I had to remove them quickly and put them in my backpack. I then took them out of the backpack at some point and I don't remember where I left them. I need to find them, 1st so that nobody finds them & 2nd to use them. I know I'm 29 days free, extremely close to a month, but I just feel so horrible right now, I don't even know why. I'm sorry

[maddogmj77]

I was on my computer until about 3AM when my dad came in and took my laptop and phone. I had an absolute panic, I was on this forum when he took it and he can get into the computer, also on my phone I was messaging someone trying to get help, he can't get on my phone but he can see the first words of the message the other person sent, and I didn't even get to say bye. I don't know what to do right now, my dad probably found the blades, checked the laptop to see what I was on, and saw some of the messages. I'm panicking, why does this happen so many times? Am I just stupid?

UPDATE 6/9/14 10:14 AM: I finally found my blades, my dad didn't find them. I took them out and I used them. I'm finally back to 0 days, and it feels nice. Also, I'm supposed to be at school today, but I don't wanna go, so I'm not, my dad doesn't know though.

[maddogmj77]

I'm back home now, alone, I had to leave super quick because my dad called the home phone and he knew I wasn't at school, so I rushed out the door without answering it. When I got there, the attendance office called him and left a message letting him know I was there. But checking the message now, he called another 13 times withing the span of like 2 1/2 hours, I don't think he ever checked his messages. So I called my dad back when I got home and left a message saying I fell asleep and when I got his call I was out the door as soon as possible. I could possibly be in a LOT of trouble, but I'm not sure yet, I hope he believes me that I fell asleep, and besides, we're just watching movies in 1 & 2 periods. So, I'll let you know how it goes if I'm not grounded for the rest of the summer.

While at school, the entire day it felt like (Sorry to be so graphic) there was blood running along my thigh. But when I got home, there was nothing there. I guess I was so panicked of my dad calling that I imagined it.