Don't hate myself, but...

[Elsa]

I've seen and read a lot about depression. Everyone who's depressed seems to hate themselves. I am depressed, but I don't hate myself, I don't want to self-harm becuse I hate myself, but because of... Feelings.

So, like I said, I SOMETIMES want to cut, but I can't, for some reason. My depression seems to be diffirent from moast other peoples because It's not built up on hatred for myself but the fact that I hate others. I hate having to live in a world where society looks like It does because I feel that It's pointless shortly eplained. I can't even handle hearing someone say that something Is "typically gay" or femenine or masculine or whatever because I feel like people don't get the seriousness of what they just said. I am very intelligent because of some mental disorders and see things like this all the time. This, along with regrets, Is what makes me want to cut.

My depression has caused me to... Not really feel anything. As a person, as a human being, you go crazy If you can't feel so I always and up doing anything to feel. I like to listen to music and walk, trying to make myself cry (music is really helpful). But if It doesn't work, that's when It happens. That's when I want to cut myself but I cant! I just want to feel something and If there is one feeling that i can control and that is not completely pointless to feel it is complete sadness and depression. My best friend who's also "special" have a depression like this. I just kind of wanted to say this and I also want to know if there's someone else out there who feel like depression Is sometimes very missunderstood. And are you a very intelligent person (sorry,I'm kind of interested in people and stuff so yeah :) )?

Oh, and why can't I cut?

[Miserabilia]

I've seen and read a lot about depression. Everyone who's depressed seems to hate themselves. I am depressed, but I don't hate myself, I don't want to self-harm becuse I hate myself, but because of... Feelings.

So, like I said, I SOMETIMES want to cut, but I can't, for some reason. My depression seems to be diffirent from moast other peoples because It's not built up on hatred for myself but the fact that I hate others. I hate having to live in a world where society looks like It does because I feel that It's pointless shortly eplained. I can't even handle hearing someone say that something Is "typically gay" or femenine or masculine or whatever because I feel like people don't get the seriousness of what they just said. I am very intelligent because of some mental disorders and see things like this all the time. This, along with regrets, Is what makes me want to cut.

My depression has caused me to... Not really feel anything. As a person, as a human being, you go crazy If you can't feel so I always and up doing anything to feel. I like to listen to music and walk, trying to make myself cry (music is really helpful). But if It doesn't work, that's when It happens. That's when I want to cut myself but I cant! I just want to feel something and If there is one feeling that i can control and that is not completely pointless to feel it is complete sadness and depression. My best friend who's also "special" have a depression like this. I just kind of wanted to say this and I also want to know if there's someone else out there who feel like depression Is sometimes very missunderstood. And are you a very intelligent person (sorry,I'm kind of interested in people and stuff so yeah :) )?

Oh, and why can't I cut?

Trust me, there is not a single type of depression and if it is it's not caused by self hate all the time.
See I do dislike myself a little,
but the main problem with me is that I don't even know who I am, but that's a long story.
Anyway,
I could relate to most of what you said.
I hate to put myself on a pedastal but yes I am intelligent aswell, atleast intelligent according to test scores and the general connection between how little I have to try to accomplish good grades, etc, even at high school level.
ANYWAYS,
I am an intense overthinker. I overthink all the time, but not in the normal way,
in a well... crazy way.
I don't like it and I dislike it and I hate it but I think about everything I see all the time and narrate it in my head like I'm watching a movie that I'm reviewing.
I don't just do this for what I experience I do it for the past and the future and it drives me insane.
It causes social anxiety and paranoia (are they looking at me are they looking at me are they looking at me are they looking at me, etc etc.)

So anyway,
when I look at the world,.. and so much of it seems so... shallow... simple... people don't realize what they do and what they think ,....
all they do is go around and around....

All these things make me feel numb too,
not feeling anything untill I do things to myself.
This can start of with simple things like biting (nails, tongue, mouth, lips), and then hair pulling and scratchin, (scratching getting worse untill bleeding),
and eventualy the only way to cope is to really harm yourself.

Why can't you cut?
I honestly can't tell you,
I'm not a psychiater.
Be glad you can't.
Be glad you can stay healthy,
I know you may feel like you really want to because of how you feel but obviously it's not the answer. I know this is stupid coming from me as I relapsed recently,
but I wish I didn't.

Hope that helped.

[thatgothgirluknow]

I've seen and read a lot about depression. Everyone who's depressed seems to hate themselves. I am depressed, but I don't hate myself, I don't want to self-harm becuse I hate myself, but because of... Feelings.

So, like I said, I SOMETIMES want to cut, but I can't, for some reason. My depression seems to be diffirent from moast other peoples because It's not built up on hatred for myself but the fact that I hate others. I hate having to live in a world where society looks like It does because I feel that It's pointless shortly eplained. I can't even handle hearing someone say that something Is "typically gay" or femenine or masculine or whatever because I feel like people don't get the seriousness of what they just said. I am very intelligent because of some mental disorders and see things like this all the time. This, along with regrets, Is what makes me want to cut.

My depression has caused me to... Not really feel anything. As a person, as a human being, you go crazy If you can't feel so I always and up doing anything to feel. I like to listen to music and walk, trying to make myself cry (music is really helpful). But if It doesn't work, that's when It happens. That's when I want to cut myself but I cant! I just want to feel something and If there is one feeling that i can control and that is not completely pointless to feel it is complete sadness and depression. My best friend who's also "special" have a depression like this. I just kind of wanted to say this and I also want to know if there's someone else out there who feel like depression Is sometimes very missunderstood

Oh, and why can't I cut?
truthfully i think every person is differnt even when it comes to depression i can be allot like that personally due to past issuses i hate most of the world
sometimes i cant feel anything and i hate that and so i cut but i alslo cut because sometimes i just cant take everything im feeling and it helps get rid of most of that wheather it be guilt anger self hate saddness or just an urge
not all self harm is built on self hate i do have some things i dont like about myself but for the most part i dont hate myself although self harming is showing that u have low self worth since it can cause so much damage idk wheather u mean u cant cut because ur not aloud or because u just cant do it the first answer is because its dangerous and addicting the secound depends on u it could be because ur scared or something else but i can tell u that cutting is a very bad idea and if control is what ur looking for then cutting is a very bad place to look for it cutting is a very bad habbit that is very hard to stop its just as addicting as drugs or alcohal and you risk killing urself or causeing severe nerve dammage every time u do it it can take over ur life and it becomes something that u do not have control over