Is There A Meaning...

[NorthMussel]

Hi.. I have been in a depression since i have been in grade 7, i stopped talking to people, i dont want to go any where or be with anyone which is causing me to miss school. All i want to do is stay in my room and be by myself. I question what is the point of me even being alive...

A lot of things have happened throu the years such my mother be murdered, at the time my father was in jail so my grand parents took care of me and pretty much became a mother and father figure to me becuase my actual father was unable. Then my grandmother got really ill and ended up dieing.

My father tried to have a family so he got married to my step mother which she had 2 children and we became really close, but my father was on drugs a lot and my step mom was paralyzed from the neck down so when my father got really mad he yelled at her and she couldest do anything but lay there and listen throu everything. A few years later my step mom died and it was really sad becuase i really got close to her. I moved back with my grandfather and my step sister moved in with there grandparents. They moved away and i dident get to say goodbye or anything to contact them with. I pretty much lost my two sister.

Lots of other things have happened but i wont go thoru everything. I am tired of trying to be like everything is ok when people are around, most no its not becuase they ask me why i look sad. I just really want the pain to stop, but it wont. I want there to be a meaning in life rather then death and people leaving. There is no point on living, i am just a waste of space.

[theOperaGhost]

You've had a tough life, but nobody is a waste of space. Keep your head up. Your life might suck for many years, but I'm sure things will get better some time.

[NorthMussel]

I seriously think things wont get better...

[Hyper]

I seriously think things wont get better...

Yea I use to think that too, and I wouldn't try and change it and that made me belive it.

But one day something happened that gave me the tiniest little shred of hope to carry on, even if its just surviving to find an opening..

I don't know how you're life has exactly been but you can talk to me in more detail, I can't do more than give you words of encouragment through this post.

[steven]

i know you have had it alot harder but i felt the exact same thing about life... every night i used to question life and why was there life? what happened after death? should i find out tonight? but then i kept going like nothing happened... then one day (about 7 weeks ago) i found out that this person really liked me and she kissed me... that was my tiny shred of hope... from then on i blanked out the rest of my year as everyone kept taking the piss out of me apart from cat (lifesreject on here) and another friend... so i then concentrated on my girlfriend and my closest friends and i just ignored everyone else... but today wiv evry1 tekin piss art o me i kinda lost my mind abit and started marthin back which was a bad move as they not used t it and nearly got myself in a few fights... and me being me, tall and thin as a twig, wouldnt even be able to fight off a fly.

but now it is easier because i am putting effort and trying to make life better, my advice is to get close to people and friends around you in school and talk to them, have them around you most of the time, i know it wont get rid of the pain you feel for the people you have lost but it will make it easier to bear as you have people around you that you are making an effort with, and if you talk to the right people, you could meet your best friend who could help you get through it all.

Steve

[Pupperooni]

No one is a waste of space. There is one thing you can always be sure of and it is: That you lived and your life made a difference to the people that were close to you.

Death happens but those people died knowing you and that made a difference to them.

[Crystal-Clear]

No body is a waste of space sweetie.
From what I can gather, the reason you don't talk to people, is because your afraid of them dieing, or leaving without you being able to close the door behind them.

So I think you might have a fear of loss, and maybe even some grievance issues.

So your going to have to be really brave (which by the sounds of it you are a very very brave person) take a deep breath, and start to meet new people. Now this is alot harder than me just typing here, so it won't happen all at once. It will take alot of effort. But once you've jammed open the shell your building, I'm sure things will seem a little clearer.

Have you considered seeing a counsellor or someone you can talk too? Being alone is sometimes a good thing, but just don't leave yourself in the dark too much okay? Because that won't make things better, it'll be alright for a while, but its just a temporary solution.

I've lost some people in my life, so I can understand to an extent of what your feeling and going through, if you need anyone to talk to just pm or e-mail me or any other forum member for that matter. Everyone will help you here if you just ask.

I really really hope things pick up for you, because you deserve it. Stay strong, keep on surviving with us, and one day you'll look back and think how far you've come. *Hugs*

[Nihilus]

I really am sorry about your losses. Ok if you do suicide you might hurt your family or some people at school. Also don't do drugs because you might get evemore depressed ( the same is for smoking and drinking).