update on me and my bf

[thatgothgirluknow]

so i made a post earlier about my bf http://http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=208453 well today i talked to my councelar and told her what was going on and she said it was technically rape and she had to tell my grandma and inform to athorities we think theres a posibility he has he might have stolen one of are house keys so were getting the locks changed tommrow im not aloud to be around him anymore and im going to brake up with him my concelar and my home team are gona help me through it but sadly it looks like i might be forced to get a rape kit done and press charges witch i really do not want to do thanks for all ur advice guys uve helped allot

[gothy]

so he raped you. well id officially [censored] him if i knew him. i dont think i can say that so shh

im not even joking here. im absolutely infurriated and disgusted with him.

[thatgothgirluknow]

so he raped you. well id officially [censored] him if i knew him. i dont think i can say that so shh
the one friend who knows wants to kill him but i really dont want him to get hurt or in any trouble so im trying to keep things calm and aviod pressing charges and yes we are aloud to cuss on here

[gothy]

it wasnt cuss. it was kill. thats considered a threat so.....

tell his friend ill help. (except canadians dont have guns....) so ill have to bring my ice pick.

okay the ice pick thing was a bit of a joke. but i do want to hurt him

and i guess i was right. law class actually did teach me something.

okay ive been thinking things over and i decided if i were you id press charges. you see if he raped you he will only do it again. especially if he got away with it. Its too bad that you had to be the first. but make yourself the last girl hell ever do that to. I mean its up to you. But i felt uneasy reading about him when i first heard your situation. and again the day after when you said you had sex then had anxiety attacks/flashbacks. furthermore, the day after that you said you were really depressed or something and having flashbacks, which from my understanding may have been related. Your counsellor thinks its rape. (which it is because you are under the age of 16 which is the legal age in ohio if im correct). if you were 16 it may be harder to press charges but it still sounded like rape. basically what he did was pressure to have sex with him, causing you to feel you had to and therefore you did (from my understanding). Pressuring anyone under the age of 18 is considered rape. (at least in canada). I know it is a hard decision, but you either need to get a restraining order on him for the rest of your life or press charges. They cant print his name in the paper since he is under 18 (i assume its the same in ohio as canada). But somehow he needs to know the severity of his actions. a simple breakup isnt enough. i know you are going through a lot right now and im here to support you. These legalities im sure wont help you emotionally, but i hope they help with your decision. I would be to traumatized to think about this. and at 14 i dont even know how id handle it. You are obviously a very strong person. I really like that about you. Im am always here to talk if you need. If you just want to rant to get things off your mind, talk about something you need help with, or really just about anything, i am here. i really dont have much of a social life because like i said, people dont like me for some reason, so i can dedicate my time to helping you online. I really enjoy helping people. Regardless of the fact that i know them or not. so this may seem like an essay, but it really is just a reply from a guy who has too much to say. I wish you the absolute best. Please relpy with a quote. i really would like to know your response to this. I really put a lot of thought in it.

i assume hes under 18. if not then press charges now

so i made a post earlier about my bf http://http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=208453 well today i talked to my councelar and told her what was going on and she said it was technically rape and she had to tell my grandma and inform to athorities we think theres a posibility he has he might have stolen one of are house keys so were getting the locks changed tommrow im not aloud to be around him anymore and im going to brake up with him my concelar and my home team are gona help me through it but sadly it looks like i might be forced to get a rape kit done and press charges witch i really do not want to do thanks for all ur advice guys uve helped allot

okay ive been thinking things over and i decided if i were you id press charges. you see if he raped you he will only do it again. especially if he got away with it. Its too bad that you had to be the first. but make yourself the last girl hell ever do that to. I mean its up to you. But i felt uneasy reading about him when i first heard your situation. and again the day after when you said you had sex then had anxiety attacks/flashbacks. furthermore, the day after that you said you were really depressed or something and having flashbacks, which from my understanding may have been related. Your counsellor thinks its rape. (which it is because you are under the age of 16 which is the legal age in ohio if im correct). if you were 16 it may be harder to press charges but it still sounded like rape. basically what he did was pressure to have sex with him, causing you to feel you had to and therefore you did (from my understanding). Pressuring anyone under the age of 18 is considered rape. (at least in canada). I know it is a hard decision, but you either need to get a restraining order on him for the rest of your life or press charges. They cant print his name in the paper since he is under 18 (i assume its the same in ohio as canada). But somehow he needs to know the severity of his actions. a simple breakup isnt enough. i know you are going through a lot right now and im here to support you. These legalities im sure wont help you emotionally, but i hope they help with your decision. I would be to traumatized to think about this. and at 14 i dont even know how id handle it. You are obviously a very strong person. I really like that about you. Im am always here to talk if you need. If you just want to rant to get things off your mind, talk about something you need help with, or really just about anything, i am here. i really dont have much of a social life because like i said, people dont like me for some reason, so i can dedicate my time to helping you online. I really enjoy helping people. Regardless of the fact that i know them or not. so this may seem like an essay, but it really is just a reply from a guy who has too much to say. I wish you the absolute best. Please relpy with a quote. i really would like to know your response to this. I really put a lot of thought in it.

[Alexwellace]

Now i haven't read the earlier post, it won't load for me, but i think someone needs to play devils advocate here. What she is doing right now is the best thing to do for everyone, she is thinking very carefully about what she wants to do before throwing rape allegations around. Because even being a *suspect* of rape, even if that is eventually debunked, can functionally ruin someones life. They can never be a teacher, can never join the army, can never join the police and so many other things. I'd say if you can sort it out between you, him and those close to you then you should try your best to do that, it's in everyone interest sometimes.

You are young, so i assume so is he. Don't ruin his life over what may of been a mistake, or if it wasn't, at least *try* to work it out first. I have a friend who cheated on his Girl Friend (wrong, i know) so the girl friend got back at him by telling the Police he raped her (he didn't, 100%), after several interviews they found it to be made up and let him go. That is still on his record, it doesn't matter that she made it up, any employer will check his file and that suspected rape will be there. He cannot work with Children and he had to get the Police Head to personally write a letter to the army so they would let him in. Not saying this is the same case, he *did* do what he did to you, but my point is that it can stay with you your entire life. Can this be solved by just telling to stay away from you?

[Camazotz]

Now i haven't read the earlier post, it won't load for me, but i think someone needs to play devils advocate here. What she is doing right now is the best thing to do for everyone, she is thinking very carefully about what she wants to do before throwing rape allegations around. Because even being a *suspect* of rape, even if that is eventually debunked, can functionally ruin someones life. They can never be a teacher, can never join the army, can never join the police and so many other things. I'd say if you can sort it out between you, him and those close to you then you should try your best to do that, it's in everyone interest sometimes.

You are young, so i assume so is he. Don't ruin his life over what may of been a mistake, or if it wasn't, at least *try* to work it out first. I have a friend who cheated on his Girl Friend (wrong, i know) so the girl friend got back at him by telling the Police he raped her (he didn't, 100%), after several interviews they found it to be made up and let him go. That is still on his record, it doesn't matter that she made it up, any employer will check his file and that suspected rape will be there. He cannot work with Children and he had to get the Police Head to personally write a letter to the army so they would let him in. Not saying this is the same case, he *did* do what he did to you, but my point is that it can stay with you your entire life. Can this be solved by just telling to stay away from you?

He raped her, and it's wrong to defend his actions. He took advantage of her and pressured her into sex. He deserves to be labeled as a sex offender.

Sorry to hear about what's happened to OP. Hope you can find peace after all this is over.

[Alexwellace]

But is it also not wrong to pressure her into pressing charges against a *boy* (not a man, not an adult, not some sexual predator, boy) who she once had feelings for? She admits in the OP that she does not want to press charges and wants it to just go away. You should respect that, and so should anyone else.

It's her choice if she wants to press charges, because it will be Her who has to bare the additional weight on her back about giving evidence and quite possibly ruining the life of a Boy she might of once loved. To me, the point of pressing charges is as much about granting the person who suffered some kind of closure or justice, if she feels she won't get that from pressing charges, should she still be forced to do so?

[thatgothgirluknow]

[COLOR="White"]okay ive been thinking things over and i decided if i were you id press charges. you see if he raped you he will only do it again. especially if he got away with it.Your counsellor thinks its rape. (which it is because you are under the age of 16 which is the legal age in ohio if im correct). if you were 16 it may be harder to press charges but it still sounded like rape. basically what he did was pressure to have sex with him, causing you to feel you had to and therefore you did (from my understanding). Pressuring anyone under the age of 18 is considered rape. (at least in canada). I know it is a hard decision, but you either need to get a restraining order on him for the rest of your life or press charges
we have done everything possible to keep it from happening again
and she said i was rape because he made me feel like i had no other choice but i have had feelings for him and somewhat still do i really dnt want to see his whole life ruined over one mistake
Now i haven't read the earlier post, it won't load for me, but i think someone needs to play devils advocate here. What she is doing right now is the best thing to do for everyone, she is thinking very carefully about what she wants to do before throwing rape allegations around. Because even being a *suspect* of rape, even if that is eventually debunked, can functionally ruin someones life. They can never be a teacher, can never join the army, can never join the police and so many other things. I'd say if you can sort it out between you, him and those close to you then you should try your best to do that, it's in everyone interest sometimes.
You are young, so i assume so is he. Don't ruin his life over what may of been a mistake

He raped her, and it's wrong to defend his actions. He took advantage of her and pressured her into sex. He deserves to be labeled as a sex offender.


But is it also not wrong to pressure her into pressing charges against a *boy* (not a man, not an adult, not some sexual predator, boy) who she once had feelings for? She admits in the OP that she does not want to press charges and wants it to just go away. You should respect that, and so should anyone else.

It's her choice if she wants to press charges, because it will be Her who has to bare the additional weight on her back about giving evidence and quite possibly ruining the life of a Boy she might of once loved. To me, the point of pressing charges is as much about granting the person who suffered some kind of closure or justice, if she feels she won't get that from pressing charges, should she still be forced to do so?

i know what he did was wrong but that doesnt mean hes a bad person and if i dont have to i wont press charges witch means unless im forced by my mom or my councelar i wont even affter it happened when i had my panic attack he was right there by my side trying to calm me down and saying he was srry and doing everything he could to calm me down he tried to help me stop cutting and even though it was wrong what he did he didnt mean to hurt me he was sexually assaulted when he was a little kid and i know that doesnt make it right but i really do care about him

[gothy]

Well i dont know what to say. I guess its up to you. Im scared and confused