StrawberryCyanide
May 28th, 2014, 11:29 PM
So I guess this is just a rant, but if you have any input or advice, please reply or send me a message.
My mum has been an alcoholic for about 12 years. She cannot go one day without getting drunk. She drinks throughout the day when she's not working. Her health is getting worse and worse but she refuses to accept that she has a problem, let alone try to get help. She has also been severely depressed ever since i can remember. When she is drunk she becomes nasty, selfish, bitter and abusive, but never remembers these behaviours. I moved back home last year and am living with her and my little brother who is 16.
I've been doing some reading about alcoholism and it's effects on those involved and it's only now dawning on me that perhaps some of my problems are amplified, or were even created by my mother's drinking. This is hard for me to admit, because i have always felt a strong sense of guilt for her problem. I haven't been working since i've moved back so i have been spending a lot more time at home.
My mum shops for food and toiletries (although she never returns without wine, too) and gives my brother money to catch the bus to college, but i do all the housework, cleaning and cooking. All of my family members including my dad have never said to my mother; "you're an alcoholic" or "do you think you have a problem" and for good reason. I have made the mistake before of simply saying things like "maybe you've had enough to drink today" - any mention of alcohol literally sends her up the wall. While i am sure she is aware of how much she drinks, she is in complete denial that there's a problem. She will shout and accuse me of hating her, attacking her, or conspiring against her, call me every name under the sun and on a few occasions has been violent towards me. And then she always gives me this look, she glares at me, silent but with such anger and hatred in her eyes.
I love her deeply, but i feel like a prisoner in my home and our relationship is utterly toxic. I still have no friends so i can't talk to anyone about it. I'm just stuck here in this grey house with her for what feels like an eternity. I'm trying to move out but it's really hard and it's gunna take a while. I have no idea how to cope with this, don't think i ever have.
UGH
Sorry
My mum has been an alcoholic for about 12 years. She cannot go one day without getting drunk. She drinks throughout the day when she's not working. Her health is getting worse and worse but she refuses to accept that she has a problem, let alone try to get help. She has also been severely depressed ever since i can remember. When she is drunk she becomes nasty, selfish, bitter and abusive, but never remembers these behaviours. I moved back home last year and am living with her and my little brother who is 16.
I've been doing some reading about alcoholism and it's effects on those involved and it's only now dawning on me that perhaps some of my problems are amplified, or were even created by my mother's drinking. This is hard for me to admit, because i have always felt a strong sense of guilt for her problem. I haven't been working since i've moved back so i have been spending a lot more time at home.
My mum shops for food and toiletries (although she never returns without wine, too) and gives my brother money to catch the bus to college, but i do all the housework, cleaning and cooking. All of my family members including my dad have never said to my mother; "you're an alcoholic" or "do you think you have a problem" and for good reason. I have made the mistake before of simply saying things like "maybe you've had enough to drink today" - any mention of alcohol literally sends her up the wall. While i am sure she is aware of how much she drinks, she is in complete denial that there's a problem. She will shout and accuse me of hating her, attacking her, or conspiring against her, call me every name under the sun and on a few occasions has been violent towards me. And then she always gives me this look, she glares at me, silent but with such anger and hatred in her eyes.
I love her deeply, but i feel like a prisoner in my home and our relationship is utterly toxic. I still have no friends so i can't talk to anyone about it. I'm just stuck here in this grey house with her for what feels like an eternity. I'm trying to move out but it's really hard and it's gunna take a while. I have no idea how to cope with this, don't think i ever have.
UGH
Sorry