Xephinar
May 28th, 2014, 07:02 PM
Everything is just... getting a lot worse. Really quickly. I always feel like shit, & can never be happy. I am always depressed, I feel worthless, like a burden, that people hate me.
I do not care about school,but I want to. I just have no motivation. The grades are horrible, & I won't get into a good college. Because I am not motivated & do not care. Now my parents & teachers are getting annoyed with me. :( I hate it they think I truly do not care, & think I want to bad grades.
I never feel good enough, for anyone. I just feel like a burden to them. I feel extremely woethless. I feel like that no one likes me.
I am contemplating almost everyday.I have a plan for what I will do, not a date yet. But... I just wish I could be gone. I obsessed about it.I think about it so much. If something bad happens. I think about as the answer to my problem. Fantasize about it. I fantasize my death, how it would end. How people would care. Wait...they probably wouldn't because I'm utterly useless and worthless. At least the thought of suicide comforts me.
I can't make a decision, ever. It is so so so hard for me too. Then I regret it if I didn't do the other thing. So I can't enjoy things anymore. I can have fun, but I really wish I could. I dwell on the things I could of done & didnt do. I can't stop it. I have little energy, & hardly do anything, beside be lazy. Just be inside, always wanting to sleep. I can't even stay up late anymore.
I do not care about school,but I want to. I just have no motivation. The grades are horrible, & I won't get into a good college. Because I am not motivated & do not care. Now my parents & teachers are getting annoyed with me. :( I hate it they think I truly do not care, & think I want to bad grades.
I never feel good enough, for anyone. I just feel like a burden to them. I feel extremely woethless. I feel like that no one likes me.
I am contemplating almost everyday.I have a plan for what I will do, not a date yet. But... I just wish I could be gone. I obsessed about it.I think about it so much. If something bad happens. I think about as the answer to my problem. Fantasize about it. I fantasize my death, how it would end. How people would care. Wait...they probably wouldn't because I'm utterly useless and worthless. At least the thought of suicide comforts me.
I can't make a decision, ever. It is so so so hard for me too. Then I regret it if I didn't do the other thing. So I can't enjoy things anymore. I can have fun, but I really wish I could. I dwell on the things I could of done & didnt do. I can't stop it. I have little energy, & hardly do anything, beside be lazy. Just be inside, always wanting to sleep. I can't even stay up late anymore.