TheRedViper
May 25th, 2014, 07:39 AM
I've known him for about three years now, and we're pretty good friends. I'd consider him to be among my "better" friends, in that I actually feel comfortable being myself around him. I have other friends, but they are friends to a lesser degree, although I still like talking to them.
So we get along fine at school. We never have any arguments there, and are always on good terms. But whenever we talk online (via Steam. Yeah I know it's kind of nerdy) all of our conversations descent into heated arguments. And I mean pretty much ALL of our conversations. Most of the arguments revolve around one of my other good friends, a girl who has left our school but I still keep in contact with via texting and phonecalls. My (male) friend, let's call him James, thinks she is a druggie slut (to use his own words) and says I am stupid for still being friends with her. He insists that she is a bad influence on me, and says she was never really my friend, even though I know she was. Let's call her Alice.
James used to get along fairly well with Alice at school, but always disapproved of her outside of school social behaviours, like going to heaps of parties, getting very drunk, using drugs and having sex with random guys (and even cheating on her boyfriend a few times). Now, I'm not saying these are good actions, but she is still a kind and nice person to talk to, and I am glad I am/was good friends with her. James insists she is a bad person though, no matter what. He refuses to listen to any things I say in her defense (like she has been forced to have an abortion, and is violently abused at home) and he still says it's all her fault and she is a terrible and stupid person.
I get very angry at him for this, since he really just refuses to see things from any other point of view. Whenever I try to defend her, he accuses me of being stupid for liking her, and says I am too "in love" with her to see things for how they are. Now, I admit that I did have a huge crush on her, and I knew she liked me back. Maybe I'm a bit biased, but I am not ignorant. What annoys me with James is that he is constantly trying to be everyone's friend, and to always please them no matter what, yet with Alice, he just despises her and refuses to take any kind of empathetic approach to her.
Most of our arguments are about this, and they go on for a long time. We had at least two very long arguments on this just on the weekend. They usually last about an hour or two. Just earlier tonight we had another argument, but this time it was about being teenagers and what it meant. He kept saying that teenagers are meant to be stupid and do stupid things. I questioned him by asking what stupid things he meant, since when I tell him about the stupid things Alice does he condemns her, so I wanted to know what "good" stupid things he meant. He refused to answer, and condescendingly told me that "I won" the argument.
He also accused me of being "elitist" and hating everyone, because I only have a small group of good friends. Unlike him I don't try to please everyone just to be friends with them. I choose my friends carefully, those I know I can trust and get along well with. I have several of these, and I'm happy with them. He accuses me of being very harsh on people though, and his comment about me being elitist angered me a lot. He told me to stop wishing I was an adult and just enjoy teen life, but I said that I can't find myself able to enjoy doing "stupid" things like he said (and never defined what they were). I want to feel that the things I do aren't just stupid and meaningless. I want to have real conversations with real people, and do real things in the world. I told him I can't wait until high school is over, so I can move away from the people I dislike (a lot of people in my school) and be around people I share interests in and get along with.
I told him that I liked that he was a fairly responsible person, and didn't do any stupid things. I said that was one of the main reasons why I'm such good friends with him. He ignored this and insisted I was too elitist because I didn't like the majority of people at my school (and if you saw them and had to be around them every day you'd agree with me). It's not as if I want to dislike the people around me, since I do have a group of about five or six good friends. But the rest, I just can't find it in me to like or put up with. I certainly don't feel the desire to force my friendship on them, like James does.
So basically (sorry for the longer than expected post) I don't know why we always argue every day online, but are fine and friendly at school. Maybe I feel more bitter and frustrated outside of school, when I brood alone at home. I will admit that I despise James sometimes, but for small things. He always has this constant state of being so satisfied and cheerful at everything, like he is so above everyone else's problems and worries. He waves around his position in a great retail job like a badge of honour. Things like this really irritate me sometimes.
I don't know if it's me that has some kind of problem. I often feel irritated and frustrated around most people, even my friends. There is always something that annoys me and I don't like. I never outwardly act these feelings, since I overall enjoy being around my friends most of the time. It's just a constant feeling of frustration and impatience. Maybe these feelings are expressed through my conversations with James, I don't know. I know this has kind of gone off-topic from our arguments to my general feelings in social environments, but they are related, I think.
So we get along fine at school. We never have any arguments there, and are always on good terms. But whenever we talk online (via Steam. Yeah I know it's kind of nerdy) all of our conversations descent into heated arguments. And I mean pretty much ALL of our conversations. Most of the arguments revolve around one of my other good friends, a girl who has left our school but I still keep in contact with via texting and phonecalls. My (male) friend, let's call him James, thinks she is a druggie slut (to use his own words) and says I am stupid for still being friends with her. He insists that she is a bad influence on me, and says she was never really my friend, even though I know she was. Let's call her Alice.
James used to get along fairly well with Alice at school, but always disapproved of her outside of school social behaviours, like going to heaps of parties, getting very drunk, using drugs and having sex with random guys (and even cheating on her boyfriend a few times). Now, I'm not saying these are good actions, but she is still a kind and nice person to talk to, and I am glad I am/was good friends with her. James insists she is a bad person though, no matter what. He refuses to listen to any things I say in her defense (like she has been forced to have an abortion, and is violently abused at home) and he still says it's all her fault and she is a terrible and stupid person.
I get very angry at him for this, since he really just refuses to see things from any other point of view. Whenever I try to defend her, he accuses me of being stupid for liking her, and says I am too "in love" with her to see things for how they are. Now, I admit that I did have a huge crush on her, and I knew she liked me back. Maybe I'm a bit biased, but I am not ignorant. What annoys me with James is that he is constantly trying to be everyone's friend, and to always please them no matter what, yet with Alice, he just despises her and refuses to take any kind of empathetic approach to her.
Most of our arguments are about this, and they go on for a long time. We had at least two very long arguments on this just on the weekend. They usually last about an hour or two. Just earlier tonight we had another argument, but this time it was about being teenagers and what it meant. He kept saying that teenagers are meant to be stupid and do stupid things. I questioned him by asking what stupid things he meant, since when I tell him about the stupid things Alice does he condemns her, so I wanted to know what "good" stupid things he meant. He refused to answer, and condescendingly told me that "I won" the argument.
He also accused me of being "elitist" and hating everyone, because I only have a small group of good friends. Unlike him I don't try to please everyone just to be friends with them. I choose my friends carefully, those I know I can trust and get along well with. I have several of these, and I'm happy with them. He accuses me of being very harsh on people though, and his comment about me being elitist angered me a lot. He told me to stop wishing I was an adult and just enjoy teen life, but I said that I can't find myself able to enjoy doing "stupid" things like he said (and never defined what they were). I want to feel that the things I do aren't just stupid and meaningless. I want to have real conversations with real people, and do real things in the world. I told him I can't wait until high school is over, so I can move away from the people I dislike (a lot of people in my school) and be around people I share interests in and get along with.
I told him that I liked that he was a fairly responsible person, and didn't do any stupid things. I said that was one of the main reasons why I'm such good friends with him. He ignored this and insisted I was too elitist because I didn't like the majority of people at my school (and if you saw them and had to be around them every day you'd agree with me). It's not as if I want to dislike the people around me, since I do have a group of about five or six good friends. But the rest, I just can't find it in me to like or put up with. I certainly don't feel the desire to force my friendship on them, like James does.
So basically (sorry for the longer than expected post) I don't know why we always argue every day online, but are fine and friendly at school. Maybe I feel more bitter and frustrated outside of school, when I brood alone at home. I will admit that I despise James sometimes, but for small things. He always has this constant state of being so satisfied and cheerful at everything, like he is so above everyone else's problems and worries. He waves around his position in a great retail job like a badge of honour. Things like this really irritate me sometimes.
I don't know if it's me that has some kind of problem. I often feel irritated and frustrated around most people, even my friends. There is always something that annoys me and I don't like. I never outwardly act these feelings, since I overall enjoy being around my friends most of the time. It's just a constant feeling of frustration and impatience. Maybe these feelings are expressed through my conversations with James, I don't know. I know this has kind of gone off-topic from our arguments to my general feelings in social environments, but they are related, I think.