CosmicNoodle
May 23rd, 2014, 03:19 PM
Many of you may know my story, if not I shall repeat it again.
I have been suffering with depression for a LONG time now, so long I don't remember ever being happy.
I was basically psychologically broken by bullying at a young age, the first time I contemplated suicide I was about 10 years old.
Lately I have been refered to a therapist and have been put on meds to help me. But nothing ever works, I got o the same therapy session every Wednesday at 11:30 and every week its the same. Every week I hear a new list of possible psychological disorders they want to test me for. Every week I feel a little worse,
I have been slowly telling one of my best friends how bad things have become. I didn't sit down and tell him everything at once because I didn't want to overload him, I've been telling him parts of it over the last few weeks, he nearly has the hole picture now. But whats the problem is, that once I finish the story, I planned to kill myself. There are parts of my heard that shout at me to do it, shout at me to hurt myselg and others. And there are less and less parts every day that fond a reason not to. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I really don't know if I can strand to be alive any longer. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
No matter what aspect of my life I look at there is nothing to stay for, nothing to miss. I don't even think many people would miss me if I did. I used to cut as a coping method, I started again today, I just lost it anagin and needed anything to bring me back, I don't know what I was thinking but I just went and found my craft knife and made 3 small cuts on my left shoulder, just above the shoulder blade.
Even now, I still don't even know if I want to be around to finish the story, or if I should bother living afterward.
I live in a country with no economy prospect, I am going into a job I hate, my friends are drifting away from me, my family becomes more distant every day and I really don't see anything properly.
Well, that's the story of today's mental break down...
How do you guys bring yourself out of this, what do you hold onto?
I have been suffering with depression for a LONG time now, so long I don't remember ever being happy.
I was basically psychologically broken by bullying at a young age, the first time I contemplated suicide I was about 10 years old.
Lately I have been refered to a therapist and have been put on meds to help me. But nothing ever works, I got o the same therapy session every Wednesday at 11:30 and every week its the same. Every week I hear a new list of possible psychological disorders they want to test me for. Every week I feel a little worse,
I have been slowly telling one of my best friends how bad things have become. I didn't sit down and tell him everything at once because I didn't want to overload him, I've been telling him parts of it over the last few weeks, he nearly has the hole picture now. But whats the problem is, that once I finish the story, I planned to kill myself. There are parts of my heard that shout at me to do it, shout at me to hurt myselg and others. And there are less and less parts every day that fond a reason not to. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I really don't know if I can strand to be alive any longer. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
No matter what aspect of my life I look at there is nothing to stay for, nothing to miss. I don't even think many people would miss me if I did. I used to cut as a coping method, I started again today, I just lost it anagin and needed anything to bring me back, I don't know what I was thinking but I just went and found my craft knife and made 3 small cuts on my left shoulder, just above the shoulder blade.
Even now, I still don't even know if I want to be around to finish the story, or if I should bother living afterward.
I live in a country with no economy prospect, I am going into a job I hate, my friends are drifting away from me, my family becomes more distant every day and I really don't see anything properly.
Well, that's the story of today's mental break down...
How do you guys bring yourself out of this, what do you hold onto?