Younger friends

[Avenida105]

I work as a tutor, not like individually helping a kid, but helping multiple ones with homework problems. Most of the kids are 7th graders and there is a younger kid who is like a younger version of me. I started giving him a ride home a couple of days ago, but I thought it was like a once or twice thing because it was really hot, but now he wants a ride every day which I really don't mind because it's on my way home, but today he didn't want to get out of my car and we just drove around and talked. It's kinda cool because for a moment its like you feel like there is someone who looks up at you, but at the same time its kinda weird considering I'm 17 and he's 13, it's a 4 year difference. Today he was saying that he'll miss me when I go to college and than we wants to play basketball or hang out with me. I mean, where should I draw the line? I mean I know age doesn't matter in friendships or relationships, but still 34 and 30 is not the same as 17 and 13, plus I don't want to look like a creep, but at the same time I don't want to be an asshole because he's a cool little dude.

[ksdnfkfr]

i think it's okay as long as everything is out in the open, to avoid anything looking creepy. and also the age difference being clear like an uncle nephew type thing, and not like peers the same age. i'm not sure if you being a tutor goes for or against this.

[NeuroTiger]

Just what Ezra said...and it isn't weird as long as you do everything in the opened and consider him as your little brother instead as a possible lover.

[Cloud_Strife]

I work as a tutor, not like individually helping a kid, but helping multiple ones with homework problems. Most of the kids are 7th graders and there is a younger kid who is like a younger version of me. I started giving him a ride home a couple of days ago, but I thought it was like a once or twice thing because it was really hot, but now he wants a ride every day which I really don't mind because it's on my way home, but today he didn't want to get out of my car and we just drove around and talked. It's kinda cool because for a moment its like you feel like there is someone who looks up at you, but at the same time its kinda weird considering I'm 17 and he's 13, it's a 4 year difference. Today he was saying that he'll miss me when I go to college and than we wants to play basketball or hang out with me. I mean, where should I draw the line? I mean I know age doesn't matter in friendships or relationships, but still 34 and 30 is not the same as 17 and 13, plus I don't want to look like a creep, but at the same time I don't want to be an asshole because he's a cool little dude.

It sounds like your young charge looks up to you as an idol, I think. As you said, four years in age difference now is a far greater one than would be for those who are much older, because this is a period where one gains a lot of experience emotionally and many things change physically.

If the intentions are pure, I'd say that there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Ezra's point is excellent. As long as things are transparent and there is no room for misinterpretation, all is well. You shouldn't allow the outside thoughts of others to overly influence the situation, I think.

Hope that helps!

[phuckphace]

gonna agree with everyone on making sure you stay out in the open with it, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. I've been in a similar situation myself, and the best way to go about it is definitely to make sure everything that goes on is "a matter of public record" so to speak. avoid stuff like sleepovers or visits to one another's house while alone, and if possible invite other people to join you. if your friend has any older siblings, invite them too.

hope everything works out.

[Bull]

gonna agree with everyone on making sure you stay out in the open with it, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. I've been in a similar situation myself, and the best way to go about it is definitely to make sure everything that goes on is "a matter of public record" so to speak. avoid stuff like sleepovers or visits to one another's house while alone, and if possible invite other people to join you. if your friend has any older siblings, invite them too.

hope everything works out.

Defiantly stay away from being alone in a private setting. Being a tutor puts you in a unique place that could be seen as taking advantage of him. I think it would be different with the neighbor kid down the street. Not unusual for younger guys to look up to older guys. Just watch what you do and where you go together. Shooting hoops, bowing, that type of activity seems okay, movies, going to a restaurant, etc. might look wrong to some people.

[Horatio Nelson]

I have a friend that is 4 years older than me. We hang out all the time. He sees me as a little brother he never had. There's nothing weird about that at all. I say you should continue to be his friend. :)

[Body odah Man]

I work as a tutor, not like individually helping a kid, but helping multiple ones with homework problems. Most of the kids are 7th graders and there is a younger kid who is like a younger version of me. I started giving him a ride home a couple of days ago, but I thought it was like a once or twice thing because it was really hot, but now he wants a ride every day which I really don't mind because it's on my way home, but today he didn't want to get out of my car and we just drove around and talked. It's kinda cool because for a moment its like you feel like there is someone who looks up at you, but at the same time its kinda weird considering I'm 17 and he's 13, it's a 4 year difference. Today he was saying that he'll miss me when I go to college and than we wants to play basketball or hang out with me. I mean, where should I draw the line? I mean I know age doesn't matter in friendships or relationships, but still 34 and 30 is not the same as 17 and 13, plus I don't want to look like a creep, but at the same time I don't want to be an asshole because he's a cool little dude.

17-13 is not such a huge age difference for you to snub him IMO. It's perfectly cool. I have a 10 yr old friend and I hang with him constantly, 's all cool.

[TylerPanda]

I personally don't think there is a problem with that. After all, in friendships age doesn't matter. And i found it sort of cute/cool when you said that he'll miss you! Aw! :)

[phuckphace]

Defiantly stay away from being alone in a private setting. Being a tutor puts you in a unique place that could be seen as taking advantage of him. I think it would be different with the neighbor kid down the street. Not unusual for younger guys to look up to older guys. Just watch what you do and where you go together. Shooting hoops, bowing, that type of activity seems okay, movies, going to a restaurant, etc. might look wrong to some people.

yeah agreed about the movie, if you do go to the movies I'd definitely bring other people with you so it doesn't give someone the wrong idea.

[Horatio Nelson]

You know, it made me think, the fact that you have to worry that people will think you are a pedophile for hanging out with a kid that isn't an adult but is close in age to you. What has the world come to?

[Avenida105]

You know, it made me think, the fact that you have to worry that people will think you are a pedophile for hanging out with a kid that isn't an adult but is close in age to you. What has the world come to?

I know I agree with you, but at the same time I mean like it is sad that people are becoming more and more judgmental, but at the same time we don't live in a safe world, so it is a little understandable.

I personally don't think there is a problem with that. After all, in friendships age doesn't matter. And i found it sort of cute/cool when you said that he'll miss you! Aw! :)

I know that's the thing. It's really cool to have someone see you as a role model, but at the same time, it's weird because I don't want people to think it's weird.


I merged your posts. Next time please use the 'Edit' or 'Multiquote' button. ~Hannah

[ksdnfkfr]

You know, it made me think, the fact that you have to worry that people will think you are a pedophile for hanging out with a kid that isn't an adult but is close in age to you. What has the world come to?

i'd rather have that then people not looking out for kids. i think in the old days pedophiles got away with a lot more because people weren't suspicious enough or not willing to say or do anything. but yeah, it's too bad those creeps exist and can make things look bad for someone well meaning

[phuckphace]

You know, it made me think, the fact that you have to worry that people will think you are a pedophile for hanging out with a kid that isn't an adult but is close in age to you. What has the world come to?

I know man, I agree completely. back in the day this exact scenario like OP's wouldn't have been seen as anything other than an innocent peer-mentor relationship. my grandma is always talking about how much more trusting everyone used to be of one another. like, you could get rides from strangers without having to worry about ending up in some Jeffrey Dahmer rape dungeon. it seems utopian to us young people because we've grown up in a low-trust culture that are relentlessly suspicious of one another.

[Thatcarguy]

im 18 and my main buddy is 23 so i think its fine

[Andriod09]

You know, I see a lot of agreement on this post about how its fine. I completely agree with them.

Then, I see the post about how this world's gone to sh*t, and I immediately thing: "BY GOD HE'S DONE IT AGAIN! ANOTHER COURAGEOUS PERSON SPEAKS OUT!!" I completely agree with you as well.


Back to the normal topic, shall we? Just because there's a four year difference doesn't mean anything. Yes, be out in the public, if you do go out to a movie, or something, bring the entire group, and some other older people, i.e. parents, siblings, etc. That would be best.

[centropede]

if you are good friends, why not?
I dont think that other people opinions should stay in way of friendship

[backjruton]

I don't know too much myself as I only ever did this in school but I've always been better with friends that are younger than me, and the main reason was always that they're not in my lessons and miss most of the awkward. I was 11 and these guys were 6,7 or something and they looked up to me when I didn't get along with too many in my group. And another 2 friends who were 8,9 and I messed around with them a lot too. In high school the teachers thought of that as weird when I was 16 messing around with 13 year olds but I feel younger mentally and I think I should be allowed to do this because I know my limits. I have a lot less limits than most people but I still have limits :lol: They would rather me be with people in my yeargroup when a lot of them were dickheads and there were 3 I absolutely hated; they knew that and forced me to mix with them anyway.

I guess it depends on how you feel. Like I said, this wasn't in private and I was with more than just 1 other person as sometimes I and 2 of them were with the friends in my yeargroup and when we all have what most people consider behavioral problems it's good that we mixed together :P:P I myself would say to go along with it, as long as like others have said you don't take it too far.. :rolleyes:

[CassnovA]

avenida if youve ever had sexual feelings about him then its about time u ended the contact. if you never have then f- what people think, theres nothing wrong.

[TylerPanda]

I know that's the thing. It's really cool to have someone see you as a role model, but at the same time, it's weird because I don't want people to think it's weird.

Yeah, i know what you mean.
I wonder if the kid has told his parents and i wonder if they think you're a role-model to him too? :o

[mrpieface2]

I don't see anything wrong with this. I have friends who are going to college and I'm still a freshman in high-school. No one where I live thinks its weird, so I don't really see anything wrong with this.

[briefsboy]

I think its fine. He might not be attracted to you. He just might like you as a friend and generally miss you. Dont hold back on spending time with him just because you think it might be awkward.
If it turns out he does like you in that way and you dont feel comfortable with the situation tell him, otherwise just enjoy it.

[Babiole]

My niece Chloé is only four and a half years younger than me (I'm 15; she's 11) and I've hung out with her and her friends. We've been to the mall together. My half-sister (Chloé's mother) usually has me watch over them when I go to the mall with my niece and her friends. (Though she has male friends, my niece generally hangs out with other girls.) My niece enjoys my company since her half-siblings are still little and can't exactly hang out. Chloé kind of looks at me more like an older brother than an uncle due to our small age difference. Her friends treat me like an older brother as well sometimes. Since I'm my parents' youngest child, it makes me happy! One of Chloé's friends did say that I was cute, but there's no romantic feelings. I prefer girls my age or older.