Issues with family, friends, society...

[Alby]

I'm constantly struggling against my schoolmates, parents etc. but especially against my OWN self. I never feel comfortable in school, outside or even in my home since I almost never had a good reputation everywhere, unless I'm locked in my bedroom (which is where I'm writing from) also I do believe my father hates me as he threatened me several times, said that I'm not his son or that I'm a retard, if a single "sorry" would be enough, it'd just be fine, but as I tried once, his answer turned out to be f**k off. A few months ago I tried to poison him, but of course I didn't have the balls to do such a thing. By the way, I always had troubles with both boys and gals and I've never had any friends until I was 12. Sometimes I feel superior to others and sometimes I feel the worst person ever, and most of the times I can't do anything but blame or lash out on others. I thought several times about suicide, I think I'm just useless most of the times. After all, what's the point of trying to be a man if you don't have any courage at all?

[Andriod09]

You know, Alby. I can completely relate to you. "What's the point of trying to be a man if you don't have any courage at all," thing made me jump for joy. You're one of the very few people who are BRAVE and COURAGEOUS enough to say something like that, in a world like this.

I have this little book, that's really inspired me, if you wouldn't mind; I'd like to share some excerpts from it. They'll be found below. It is a Christian booklet, if anyone finds offence with this, I am deeply sorry. Please message me, or post on my profile asking politely to take it down if you do.

"'Safety first' is not the motto of a risk-taker. The heroes of the Bible did not emerge from a cookie-cutter factory. They were all unique and distinctively different. They wouldn't let their culture define them, they refused to fit into a 'religious box', even if it was an acceptable box for most folks. Faith, is what led them to become mavericks."

To be courageous, you first have to take the stand within yourself. You need to say: "I'm not like the rest of the world. I'm not going to be a part of something I'm not."

I agree with you, your step fathers a douchebag, but that doesn't mean you have to be mad at him, don't try to poison him. If it'd work, you wouldn't be sitting in your room, typing this up.

So you had a little trouble with friends? That just means that you're sweet, sensitive and kind. I'm the exact same way; I didn't have many friends until I was about 15 years old, in highschool, and HOMESCHOOLED. Don't count you're curses before your blessings.

I wish I could say something like "it gets better" or even "hang in there," but honestly, I couldn't say that without lying straight up.

I just do with things would get better, but that's up to your step-father, and yourself.

Sometimes, you will be beat down, sometimes you won't. It's just a matter of choosing the right battles.

[Microcosm]

I'll be honest. I don't have any experience with the family struggles.

I first think it is important to find your passion--Art,Design,Acting--and make sure it is something that makes you able to express yourself. You have been holding these emotions in and it will help you if you can find a way to let them out.

Hope I helped you. Good luck, my friend.:)