not quite sure

[thatgothgirluknow]

so i have a really good boyfriend i really love him and he would never push me to do something i didnt want to but we talked about sex and im really not sure wheather i want to or not sometimes i do and others i can get scared since i was sexualy assalted before and sometimes he does things i dont like like touching me somewhere i dont want to be i mean he doesnt mean to upset me and usually he stops when i tell him to and if i tell him my flashbacks are bothering me he wont do anything but im really afraid it will go farther than i want it to and mess up the relationship while at the same time i love him and trust him what do i do i mean he not pushing me or anything but the chioce is mine to answer and he wants it by my birthday witch is coming up

[Horatio Nelson]

That must be a tough predicament. I'm sure he just wants do whatever you feel comfortable with. He sounds like he really cares about you. I would just say take it really slow. I'm sure he would understand if you had to stop for some reason or another. Those kinds of mental and physical wounds take a long time to heal..

[noumiismywaifu]

He set a deadline for you to have sex with him?? Did I read that right? After he knew you were sexually assaulted and were having flashbacks? Jesus... Anyway, my opinion would be to tell him you don't want sex (If that's true) or tell him to wait a year or two. If he's truly a good boyfriend then he won't push you into it at all and will just accept it.

[Lost in the Echo]

He set a deadline for you to have sex with him?? Did I read that right? After he knew you were sexually assaulted and were having flashbacks? Jesus... Anyway, my opinion would be to tell him you don't want sex (If that's true) or tell him to wait a year or two. If he's truly a good boyfriend then he won't push you into it at all and will just accept it.

This all the way.

If he respects you as a person, and doesn't view you as an object, then he will wait until you feel ready.
It can take a very long time to get over something extremely traumatic such as rape. But if he genuinely loves you, then he will wait for however long it takes.
Besides, you're going to be turning 15, which is still very young. There are a bunch of people who are 18+ ( likely the majority of the population ) who are still virgins. So I don't get why everyone feels the need to lose their virginity so young. It's not a race. You're ready when you're ready.

[noumiismywaifu]

Someone agreed with me! Anyway, I think people feel the need to do it if they are guys because it comes with bragging rights. For girls it's different, they have no reason other than pressure from their boyfriends and pleasure, but most teens are probably terrible at sex so I'd say it's mostly pressure. Granted, as a male, I can't speak for females. But if a female doesn't want sex then, in my opinion, (And I have a lot of them) she should not have sex. Same goes for guys. If a guy doesn't want sex then he shouldn't have it. But I have never met a guy who is (openly) asexual.

[CharlieHorse]

he wants it by your birthday?
did i read that right?

If i was with him, i'd dump his ass right then and there.

[thatgothgirluknow]

He set a deadline for you to have sex with him?? Did I read that right? After he knew you were sexually assaulted and were having flashbacks? Jesus... Anyway, my opinion would be to tell him you don't want sex (If that's true) or tell him to wait a year or two. If he's truly a good boyfriend then he won't push you into it at all and will just accept it.

he wants it by your birthday?
did i read that right?

If i was with him, i'd dump his ass right then and there.

no he wants me to decide wheather or not im ready or if i want to wait

[noumiismywaifu]

Yeah but he still set a deadline for you to choose... Not that it matters, you know him better than we do. So what are you asking for here? If we think you should have sex with him? That's a very personal choice if so.

[Rallo]

According to your profile you're only 14, due to this my personal opinion would be to be extremely careful with anything sexual at all.

That aside, the question your asking is how to solve the problem with the flashbacks when he does certain things if I read your post right?
The best thing I can suggest, ask that he doesn't try anything other than what is discussed prior, this way there's no sudden surprises to spark any kind of flashbacks. Explain that you may want to stop suddenly still due to your past, and may not even want to try again until another day. I would personally be extremely firm before a situation like that, clearly specify what you're fine with him doing and ask that he does not even try anything else, for at least the first time.