Am I burden?

[BornActor]

Have any of you isolated yourself because you feel like you're a burden to other people? It's a terrible fear. The other day I told my best friend how I communicate (because I thought he didn't know), and he said he's "well aware" how I communicate, and he finds it passive aggressive and annoying and just doesn't care sometimes. I wanted to know the truth... I'm glad he was honest with me and told me, but I feel really awful. I've explained so many times how hard it is for me to be honest and say what I want, and whenever he doesn't just say what he wants, I do my best to pick up on his signals and respond. Why can't he do the same for me? He's not a bad friend, really, he's not. He's the best friend I've ever had and been there for me through the hardest time in my life, but I just can't believe he could know I needed him and not care. Should I just stop talking to him about this stuff? I feel so isolated about everything, and I want to cry just writing this...

[CosmicNoodle]

Have any of you isolated yourself because you feel like you're a burden to other people? It's a terrible fear. The other day I told my best friend how I communicate (because I thought he didn't know), and he said he's "well aware" how I communicate, and he finds it passive aggressive and annoying and just doesn't care sometimes. I wanted to know the truth... I'm glad he was honest with me and told me, but I feel really awful. I've explained so many times how hard it is for me to be honest and say what I want, and whenever he doesn't just say what he wants, I do my best to pick up on his signals and respond. Why can't he do the same for me? He's not a bad friend, really, he's not. He's the best friend I've ever had and been there for me through the hardest time in my life, but I just can't believe he could know I needed him and not care. Should I just stop talking to him about this stuff? I feel so isolated about everything, and I want to cry just writing this...

Man I've beenbthere and know exactly how you feel. But you know what the good thing is, he's your best friend, and that's amazing. You know why? Because that means he cares. If you sit down and just tell him your having a shot time and need to talk, he will listen. He will care, because he's your friend. The chances are he doesn't understand how you feel. Many of my friends don't understand how hard it was for me and will constantly make jokes about my suicide attempt, but the ones I sat down and explained to get me, they understand and treat me with respect. That's all you need to do, just explain to him and I'm sure he'll see it properly.
Good luck mate! :)

[TylerPanda]

Have any of you isolated yourself because you feel like you're a burden to other people? It's a terrible fear. The other day I told my best friend how I communicate (because I thought he didn't know), and he said he's "well aware" how I communicate, and he finds it passive aggressive and annoying and just doesn't care sometimes. I wanted to know the truth... I'm glad he was honest with me and told me, but I feel really awful. I've explained so many times how hard it is for me to be honest and say what I want, and whenever he doesn't just say what he wants, I do my best to pick up on his signals and respond. Why can't he do the same for me? He's not a bad friend, really, he's not. He's the best friend I've ever had and been there for me through the hardest time in my life, but I just can't believe he could know I needed him and not care. Should I just stop talking to him about this stuff? I feel so isolated about everything, and I want to cry just writing this...

You are defiantly NOT a burden! This is just apart of who you are! Do not change yourself, because you're amazing just the way you are. Remember that, okay? :)

[BornActor]

It's like you actually know him. I just get so scared. My mom is a survivor of domestic violence and this semester I was triggered. He's been really great about listening to me, but sometimes I just want him to stay with me and not drink for a night. I don't drink because I'm so scared of becoming my father and hitting someone if I get drunk. It also tastes gross and can be triggering to me. We both get annoyed with each other sometimes. We agreed that that's inevitable when you get as close as we are, but I just can't believe he would know I needed him and get frustrated at the way I communicate and not support me for that reason. It just makes me feel awful.

[BornActor]

You are defiantly NOT a burden! This is just apart of who you are! Do not change yourself, because you're amazing just the way you are. Remember that, okay? :)

Thanks. That's part of my worst fears... I don't want anyone to do something for me because they feel like they have to. I want them there because they see that I need them. I realize it's nonsensical to expect them to just understand and I could see why he'd find it passive aggressive for me to not directly ask him for what I need. But it's honestly because I'm terrified to, not because of anything he did, but because I have a hard time asking for help.

[TylerPanda]

Thanks. That's part of my worst fears... I don't want anyone to do something for me because they feel like they have to. I want them there because they see that I need them. I realize it's nonsensical to expect them to just understand and I could see why he'd find it passive aggressive for me to not directly ask him for what I need. But it's honestly because I'm terrified to, not because of anything he did, but because I have a hard time asking for help.

Don't worry, I'm the same way! I know EXACTLY what you mean!! :)

[BornActor]

This is what he first told me:
Um okay, but i have very much picked up on your way of communicating, it's just that I often read it as passive aggression and makes me frustrated and sometimes I just genuinely don't want to deal with it. And this makes me sound awful, but I'm being totally honest. Like, you say I'm really vocal about what I want, but I don't really know where that's coming from because I just don't ever really expect certain things from a relationship. Like, I think you and I just look at relationships differently in general, and I'm not saying you're wrong or doing something bad. It can just be confusing to me, because I don't think of relationships as consciously filling my needs. Don't read this as like, you're a burden. Like I totally get that you need things and I'm totally willing to help you out as a someone I love. It's just that sometimes I get burnt out

During our conversation, this is what he said after I explained to him that it wasn't passive aggressive:
I mean, I don't really think it's passive aggression. It's probably really me being pissy in response to you expressing your needs genuinely

He also said this after:
I mean, if I'm being totally honest, the problem on my end is ultimately that I find you annoying sometimes. And like, that sounds so mean, but I doesn't mean that I like you any less. It's just that when you're this close with a person you pick on things about them, flaws, etc and like neither of us are prefect. Omg please don't take this the wrong way. I love you so much and you being my friend brings tons of joy to my life



What do you think he thinks from this? Do you think he got it? I don't know if I should say something. I'm just really concerned that he wouldn't want to be there for me because he got annoyed...

[BornActor]

....

[Jack russell dad]

Have any of you isolated yourself because you feel like you're a burden to other people? It's a terrible fear. The other day I told my best friend how I communicate (because I thought he didn't know), and he said he's "well aware" how I communicate, and he finds it passive aggressive and annoying and just doesn't care sometimes. I wanted to know the truth... I'm glad he was honest with me and told me, but I feel really awful. I've explained so many times how hard it is for me to be honest and say what I want, and whenever he doesn't just say what he wants, I do my best to pick up on his signals and respond. Why can't he do the same for me? He's not a bad friend, really, he's not. He's the best friend I've ever had and been there for me through the hardest time in my life, but I just can't believe he could know I needed him and not care. Should I just stop talking to him about this stuff? I feel so isolated about everything, and I want to cry just writing this...

If your friend doesn't care, don't let go of him, but as for problems and depression, i stay in my room to. When i need to vent, i have a cousin and i have this website full of people in the same position or that actually care. Pm me if u need go talk.

[ImagineRepublicCity]

It's alright, I mean, I have that problem too. When I allow me feelings to control me, I can be a bit whiney and push people away and start guilt tripping, and even when I'm myself, I'm quite loud and annoying. I always try and change for other people because the last thing I want is to be alone. The way I've overcome it though is to try not to talk to those people as much even though they're still my mates and make new friends which tell me how annoying I am (and I do the same with him). We're quite blunt, and the things he says are true, but you know, it's kinda difficult, because it's hard to change people, you can only change yourself. Just move around a bit until you find other people which you are a bit more comfortable with. You'll find it. c:

[Croconaw]

I think everyone has felt this way. It sucks... :(