Revealing instagram/fb/other pictures?

[Rallo]

Long story short, I've been dating this girl for 15months almost.. First month or 2 she had a fair few 'revealing' sort of pictures on Facebook (showing a bit of leg, stomach, etc. some what arguably sexual poses in same).

Without me even asking, she saw how those pictures were not something she should have posted publicly and ended up switching to a different Facebook account and deleting that one.

Now recently though (last 6-12 weeks) she's been posting the same sort of pictures again, only this time sees no problem at all with them. Often it's "well sluts post worst, so there's nothing wrong with these pictures". For the first week or 2 of this starting she was fine removing them if I simply said "well that pictures a bit too revealing...". After those 2 weeks it just was all arguments if I wanted her to, and now she firmly doesn't no matter what. :mad:
As you may have guessed, I don't like other people seeing such pictures of her. Why it hurts, I'm not sure. Simply anxiety, jealously, idek. But it does.


I've tried to explain things to her all different ways and she doesn't understand, what am I meant to do?
Am I in the wrong for wanting her to not upload such pictures?

[Horatio Nelson]

Not at all, she should at least respect your feelings on the matter. Try talking to her and telling her why you don't like those pictures being public. Hopefully she will understand.

[Living For Love]

I understand how uncomfortable it may be for you, but as long as she doesn't cheat on you, or start to get flirty to other people, then I would say it's fine. The thing is, if you keep insisting, she might get a bit mad. Make sure she just knows you don't feel comfortable with her posting the pics, but don't say anything else. Still, I think it's just a minor issue and you shouldn't let it cause arguments between you two.

[Rallo]

Not at all, she should at least respect your feelings on the matter. Try talking to her and telling her why you don't like those pictures being public. Hopefully she will understand.
I've tried this in the past quite often. It usually ends up with me becoming quite annoyed as I fail to explain how I feel about things at times, it's really quite frustrating. Usually simply results in an argument.

I understand how uncomfortable it may be for you, but as long as she doesn't cheat on you, or start to get flirty to other people, then I would say it's fine. The thing is, if you keep insisting, she might get a bit mad. Make sure she just knows you don't feel comfortable with her posting the pics, but don't say anything else. Still, I think it's just a minor issue and you shouldn't let it cause arguments between you two.
She's at times flirty with other people (like 1-2months ago), though that for the most part stopped after we talked about it. She still has those same people on instagram and skype though. I believe her when she says she doesn't talk to them now, though it's extremely uncomfortable for me having those same people still see such pictures of her.

[yeahsure]

i think, and i apologise in advance, that she appears to be acting ignorantly.

any human being can relate to "it makes me feel uncomfortable", so, why can she not?

i would assume that she maybe does not see them as 'slutty'? or, maybe she accepts they are, but thinks you are over-reacting?

Either way, i'd just try saying that they make you uncomfortable, and ask her why it she does it knowing it upsets you. you should be able to talk about these things, calmly and honestly. Otherwise, is it really a fair and open healthy relationship?

[Rallo]

i think, and i apologise in advance, that she appears to be acting ignorantly.

any human being can relate to "it makes me feel uncomfortable", so, why can she not?

i would assume that she maybe does not see them as 'slutty'? or, maybe she accepts they are, but thinks you are over-reacting?

Either way, i'd just try saying that they make you uncomfortable, and ask her why it she does it knowing it upsets you. you should be able to talk about these things, calmly and honestly. Otherwise, is it really a fair and open healthy relationship?

This is exactly what I was thinking.
Don't apologize, I myself was thinking it was honestly getting to the point of simply her being ignorant about it all.

In her defense, I do understand her side of things. She's quite an insecure person and rarely feels 'beautiful' or 'pretty', so when she does it is of course a moment she wants to capture and have other people see. I still believe this could quite easily be done in a less revealing manner though.
Side note: She's fucking beautiful. :cool: She just rarely feels beautiful due to a lot of insults she used to get due a skin condition.

[yeahsure]

This is exactly what I was thinking.
Don't apologize, I myself was thinking it was honestly getting to the point of simply her being ignorant about it all.

In her defense, I do understand her side of things. She's quite an insecure person and rarely feels 'beautiful' or 'pretty', so when she does it is of course a moment she wants to capture and have other people see. I still believe this could quite easily be done in a less revealing manner though.
Side note: She's fucking beautiful. :cool: She just rarely feels beautiful due to a lot of insults she used to get due a skin condition.

try telling her that you think she is really beautiful, and that these pictures put out the wrong message.

tell her that she doesn't need to flaunt it to look amazing, that she is perfectly pretty and doesn't need to be flirty to be admired...

[Just Sayin]

I dont think its wrong to not want her to upload them

[yeahsure]

I dont think its wrong to not want her to upload them

it's not.

i'd tell her that if she cannot see why it upsets you, then it's going to cause problems.

if she respects you and loves you, then she will remove them without making it an issue. if not, then really, she can't have your happiness very high on her priorities.

[Just Sayin]

it's not.

i'd tell her that if she cannot see why it upsets you, then it's going to cause problems.

if she respects you and loves you, then she will remove them without making it an issue. if not, then really, she can't have your happiness very high on her priorities.

I suppose thats a good point

[DerBear]

You aren't 'wrong' because it shows you do care about her enough to feel that some of those photos are revelaing but you aren't right either.

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking?

I'm going to assume you're in your mid teens, but correct me if I'm wrong. You said you don't like the photos correct? Well I'd suggest you tell her you don't like them (I know you've done that) and then once you've said your part. Tell her its up to her what she does because at this stage in life you can't come off as controlling. In fact at any stage in a relationship both parties need to have a sense of freedom and you coming off as controlling (telling her not to do this stuff and asking for her to remove them).

You're concerned and that's good but at the end of the day you've got to let her do her own thing because coming off as controlling isn't a good idea and will only lead to possible break ups within the future.

[Rallo]

try telling her that you think she is really beautiful, and that these pictures put out the wrong message.

tell her that she doesn't need to flaunt it to look amazing, that she is perfectly pretty and doesn't need to be flirty to be admired...

I've told her such things constantly lately. I'm not sure if she completely ignores it or just doesn't believe me, though it's usually quite generic replies when i say such things.

[Rallo]

You aren't 'wrong' because it shows you do care about her enough to feel that some of those photos are revelaing but you aren't right either.

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking?

I'm going to assume you're in your mid teens, but correct me if I'm wrong. You said you don't like the photos correct? Well I'd suggest you tell her you don't like them (I know you've done that) and then once you've said your part. Tell her its up to her what she does because at this stage in life you can't come off as controlling. In fact at any stage in a relationship both parties need to have a sense of freedom and you coming off as controlling (telling her not to do this stuff and asking for her to remove them).

You're concerned and that's good but at the end of the day you've got to let her do her own thing because coming off as controlling isn't a good idea and will only lead to possible break ups within the future.
Edit: I'm 17 and a half
She's 16 as of recently.
I was thinking it was maybe just a sort of phase that females often go through in their teen years, though 16 is usually more when you're near the end of/well past that stage, not when it starts?

This is pretty much what I've done lately. I've told her (and repeated it) each time she uploads another photo that i feel is revealing, followed by stating it's still up to her what she does, though it would be a lot easier for me if such photos weren't posted publicly, even if that be in a more private manner. (ie a private instagram account rather than public)

The main problem more strings from how in the past I was controlling about it, every single even slightly revealing picture I would get some what annoyed about. Not to the point of forcing her to delete them in anyway, though I would constantly get some what annoyed and would be sort of sarcastic and some what 'dickish', at lack of a better word. She would everytime just delete them to avoid the argument, I believe it may some what now be due to this; she doesn't want everything my way, so now nothing is. Now that's understandable, though it's also a huge problem as I've now actually realized how controlling I was and how unhealthy for our relationship it was. For example, she recently uploaded an album of 21 photos to facebook, all of which if I had my way wouldn't be there at all. All except one weren't overly revealing though and it was her 16th birthday party (so a once-off occurrence, or yearly at worst), so I could easily cope with these pictures. In the past, such pictures (despite the fact i could cope with them), i would have asked her to still delete and got annoyed about though I saw how wrong this was.
However, one of the pictures was extremely, well, 'slutty' in my opinion. Her with her ass up against/on the bench (leaning against it), and her friend (female as well) was standing with her legs around her in a sexual sort of pose. Defiantly not something any innocent, shy sort of girl like her wants on her Facebook.
I actually in this case did exactly as you suggested and simply told her it hurts me quite a fair bit that picture being on there, though she may do what she wants, just remember to keep in mind that it hurts me being there when choosing whatever that may be. I said "can you think about it for me?" though never actually got a yes then. Avoiding the argument I simply moved past it and just continued talking about other things, assuming she would.
Next day came, picture was still there. Mentioned about it to her and asked if she had thought about it, she simply said "well i don't see why it hurts you so it's staying". I explained why, though she was being some what ignorant about it and was not listening to me. In term this resulted in an argument. She did end up deleting it, though that was only after an argument and me really showing her it actually seriously was hurting me how she wasn't putting any real effort in to trying to understand me.

a day or two later, (this morning), she uploaded a picture to instagram which was yet again quite revealing. Nothing overly bad, though I personally didn't want it there.
To my surprise, she messaged me asking if I minded it or if I wanted her to delete it for me. I said it would help me if she deleted it as I didn't overly want it there due to it being some what revealing. At this stage i thought things were fine and was actually quite happy about things. An hour or two go by then I notice the same picture was still on instagram. Asked her about it and why she didn't delete it and she started acting some what weird, saying things like "i shouldn't have to", "what's wrong with it" etc. This is the normal when I suggest to, though this time she came to me asking if I wanted her to, so why she would say that then, I'm clueless.


tl;dr
>I used to be slightly forceful when asking her to delete such pictures, resulted in almost all being deleted when i asked.
>haven't been like that in 2-3 weeks+

>21 birthday photos on fb
>didn't want any on there tbh
>asked her to think about deleting one if she could
>she hadn't next day, asked if she thought about it and it resulted in an argument.
>photo got deleted about 2hours after argument

>next day uploaded one to instagram
>asked me if i wanted her to delete it, I said yes as it some what hurt me it being there.
>hour later wasn't deleted
>ask her if she still was and she started stating she shouldn't have to and there's nothing wrong with it, etc
>me confused:what:

[Rallo]

it's not.

i'd tell her that if she cannot see why it upsets you, then it's going to cause problems.

if she respects you and loves you, then she will remove them without making it an issue. if not, then really, she can't have your happiness very high on her priorities.

This is what I was thinking, though I now went with a more passive method.
Told her they really hurt me being there and I become quite anxious everytime I see them or remember they are and asked if could think about deleting them (one last night and 2 others from in the past) for me. So far not one has been deleted after I said this.