I finally did it but now what

[Dark_Desires]

This is all kinda jumble in my head and my grammar is terrible but i just need to get this out.

So i finally chucked out all my blades after talking to my Best Friend.
I planned on giving them to her so she could help me get rid of them but i wanted to prove a point so i chucked them.And then i grabbed them again from were i chucked them but managed to chuck them again.

Just a bit of back story to make things more clear.About a week ago i
called my mum late at cause i was sick and kinda not doing so well so
she came home and i was grumpy and a bit bitchy.And then she was
asking about a phone and i got frustrated so her friend who's staying with us
then suddenly said give it a fucking rest mate and i was like really.So then he got up and screamed at me in front of my mum while she told him to stop.
I burst into tears and walked outside and spent the next 20 minutes crying while it was 2am and freezing cold then i came back in and lost it completely.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed one of the largest Cooking knives and put it to my neck and wrist while screaming at him and my mum.At that point i was ready to end it but i just couldn't stop i walked out to go end it and on the way i just sat down outside crying again until she came out.By that stage i was freezing and starting to get close to passing out but eventually after her been worried and trying to help then threatening then just do as your told.By that stage i stage i was a feeling less like ending it but i still didn't care so i went inside but i screamed what is the fucking point and just slammed my door.She kept checking up on me for the next hour but then she went away so i cut myself a 70+ times until i was calm and none.

I felt terrible so i said sorry to my mum and her friend and blamed myself which i still do and i said sorry to my best friend since i promised her i wouldn't do what i did and she said you always promise yet you fuck up.So after that
it hit me that i'm either going to die or get better so i have spent the past week trying to be Happy and Get better but after chucking my blades last night i feel so lost.

I don't know how to cope without them.Right now i'm sitting here home alone tempted more than ever to go grab that knife and slash my wrists or take a large dose of Insulin and just let it kill me.

I keep thinking about everything.I turn 18 in july and it scares me to death.I'm going to be 18 and i can't drive i have no job besides my own Business i'm just a useless failure that can't get better.All i do is complain to my Best Friend or play Games.Like what is the point in living everything hurts.Everyday i'm a different person.I look in the mirror and i don't feel like me.I'm trying to get better and fight but i keep slipping and it feels like everything is screaming at me.


I'm a worthless mistake born from a vial and horrible action [my dad raped my mum when drunk].I keep thinking about all the horrible things and its my fault.Its my fault my Grandmother abused me its my fault i was bullied i could have ignored it and not acted the way i did.Its my fault my mum tried to kill herself i could have just stayed in school but nope i refused to go and made things hell for her.

What is the point in living i'm a mistake and i don't think i can get better so what why should i keep been in pain and feeling like this?.

[Blood]

Good job for throwing away your blades. It's hard to do, and I know it's hard to cope without them, but it's better this way. Cutting isn't the answer to anything. If you get the urge ton cut you need to get out and do something. Leave the house and go for a run, take a walk, go watch TV, draw something; the key is to keep yourself occupied.

If you're worried about turning 18 and not having a job then go out and apply for one. Once you get one you can save up for driver's ed and your license (assuming that's how the process goes in Australia).

You're not a worthless mistake. It's not your fault your mom was raped. You cannot help how you were conceived and you are not responsible for what some scumbag did to your mother. I'm sorry your grandma abused you, but that's not your fault either. The same goes for being bullied.

Look, you admitted yourself that all you do is complain to your bestfriend and play video games. So start to change that. You say you're trying to be happier but that's not going to happen if you're only trying mentally. Get up and keep yourself busy doing physical things. Pick up a new hobby. Get a job. Start working out. This is your life, and as far as I'm concerned, it's most likely the only one you'll get. So make it worthwhile. You control your happiness and how things go for you. Make changes, get results, start seeing the bigger picture. Pain is only temporary. Things will get better.

[Dark_Desires]

Well i got close to killing myself but a friend stopped me and really surprised me
but now i feel terrible because i failed and i'm so conflicted.

I would go out and get a job but sadly i can't because i live in a Semi Country town and my mum is the one who drives until i get my license.Funny thing is i live 20 minutes from the City yet there is no public transport or anything so i'm screwed.

How can it not be my Fault i could have just ignored people that bullied me and not said anything to my Grandmother when she was drunk or abusive.

People say things get better or pain is only Temporary but 80% of the almost 18 years i have been alive has just been pain suffering and hurt i don't even know how to function or be me i don't know who i am or what to do.

I want to get Better but then at the same time i just want to die.I constantly feel like
everything is screaming inside of me everything just hurts is so gah.

I guess all i can do is keep trying my best and trying your advice.Thanks Jess

[Andriod09]

I have to say one thing before I start this. If this post offends you in any way, shape, or form, I am deeply sorry. If you are not religious and get offended by this, Its not my fault. You have been warned.


First off, Turning, I want to say that you did an amazing thing by throwing away those blades. I can tell you first-hand how hard it is to do something like that. Its the first (of many, sadly) steps to "cleanse" yourself, so-to-say.

Second, I also wanted to tell you that I agree completely with Jess' idea of occupying yourself instead of cutting. That's how I got into gaming, (and raging) and also one of the thing that helped me stop.

Third, I wanted to say that you're NOT worthless, and that you are NOT a mistake. (Religion alert, stop reading if you don't want to be offended, if anything) I'm a Christian, and in my bible, it says in that we are all called by name before even born. He (God) has this almighty plan for us, all we have to do is listen. It's hard, oh, trust me! I know! Yet its one of the simplest things to do.

There's a book titled Ephesians, in the second chapter, verse ten, (Eph. 2:10) it says this: "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us through Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

This verse is saying that through Christ, we're made new. He knew us long before we were even born, long before we were thought of. He created a plan for us, before our parents were even born!

There is another book, titled Jeremiah. This book is one of my favorites because it when more than half of the Israelites were outcast, and exiled from their own homeland, that was given to them.

In the twenty-ninth chapter, (sub-titled "A Letter to the Exiles" in my bible) says this (Jer. 29:11): "For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"

This is saying that even through the tough times, and all of the things we face we may seem and think are unfair, He's always there. He has that plan for us that will happen, He has a plan that leads up to where He wants us to be. This verse personally helped me out of this same situation, and I'm passing it onto you, as I hope it will help you.

All you have to do is have a little faith, and it'll help you a whole lot.

In kind regards,
Andy|Andriod09


P.S. If this in any way offends you, then please message me (post on my wall as I don't have 100 posts yet) and ask me POLITELY to take it down, and I will do so. Any other messages will not be taken kindly, and will be brought to light with a moderator.

[Dark_Desires]

I have to say one thing before I start this. If this post offends you in any way, shape, or form, I am deeply sorry. If you are not religious and get offended by this, Its not my fault. You have been warned.


First off, Turning, I want to say that you did an amazing thing by throwing away those blades. I can tell you first-hand how hard it is to do something like that. Its the first (of many, sadly) steps to "cleanse" yourself, so-to-say.

Second, I also wanted to tell you that I agree completely with Jess' idea of occupying yourself instead of cutting. That's how I got into gaming, (and raging) and also one of the thing that helped me stop.

Third, I wanted to say that you're NOT worthless, and that you are NOT a mistake. (Religion alert, stop reading if you don't want to be offended, if anything) I'm a Christian, and in my bible, it says in that we are all called by name before even born. He (God) has this almighty plan for us, all we have to do is listen. It's hard, oh, trust me! I know! Yet its one of the simplest things to do.

There's a book titled Ephesians, in the second chapter, verse ten, (Eph. 2:10) it says this: "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us through Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

This verse is saying that through Christ, we're made new. He knew us long before we were even born, long before we were thought of. He created a plan for us, before our parents were even born!

There is another book, titled Jeremiah. This book is one of my favorites because it when more than half of the Israelites were outcast, and exiled from their own homeland, that was given to them.

In the twenty-ninth chapter, (sub-titled "A Letter to the Exiles" in my bible) says this (Jer. 29:11): "For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"

This is saying that even through the tough times, and all of the things we face we may seem and think are unfair, He's always there. He has that plan for us that will happen, He has a plan that leads up to where He wants us to be. This verse personally helped me out of this same situation, and I'm passing it onto you, as I hope it will help you.

All you have to do is have a little faith, and it'll help you a whole lot.

In kind regards,
Andy|Andriod09


P.S. If this in any way offends you, then please message me (post on my wall as I don't have 100 posts yet) and ask me POLITELY to take it down, and I will do so. Any other messages will not be taken kindly, and will be brought to light with a moderator.

I'm not religious at all but i can Respect the point your trying to make and what you believe but i don't so yeah.

I'm still struggling not Cut or worse but i'm trying my best to keep Distracted and not give in to the urges.

I finally got a Appointment with a Psychologist but its not for 18 days so that kinda doesn't help since i could use it now when i am having Suicidal thoughts 24/7.Anyway Thanks for the Advice

[CosmicNoodle]

Congratulations for throwing away your blades, I know its a hard thing to do, I threw mine into a waterfall so they where un-retrivable.

It always seems hard to know what to do without them but the best way to cope is to just do something, literally anything. Personally I go for long walks, 20 miles +, by the end you can just fall asleep and your to tired to be angry or upset. Anslo its good exercise.

And your NOT worthless, your NOT useless. Your amazing :) You said you don't do anything useful. Change that, apply for a few jobs and see what comes up, teach yourself a skill, do a sport, write a book, draw something. Do something each day, each day wake up and set a goal, even if its only as small as "I'm going to clean my room", that way every day you have something to do, and every day you have a little bit of susess. That's what I did and it really helped get me through.
And I though of doing exactly the same as you, taking insulin and just drifting away. Please god don't do that. I used to know a guy from counceling who did that, it took him 3 weeks to die. It really ripped me sports watching him go so slowly, R.I.P Jake :(

Trust me, the urges to cut will alowly fade over time, your psychologist will get you the best help he/she can find, and we are all here 24/7 for if your feeling suicidal again, that's the good thing about the internet. Its always here, so are we.

Good luck buddy ;)

[thatgothgirluknow]

This is all kinda jumble in my head and my grammar is terrible but i just need to get this out.

So i finally chucked out all my blades after talking to my Best Friend.
I planned on giving them to her so she could help me get rid of them but i wanted to prove a point so i chucked them.And then i grabbed them again from were i chucked them but managed to chuck them again.

Just a bit of back story to make things more clear.About a week ago i
called my mum late at cause i was sick and kinda not doing so well so
she came home and i was grumpy and a bit bitchy.And then she was
asking about a phone and i got frustrated so her friend who's staying with us
then suddenly said give it a fucking rest mate and i was like really.So then he got up and screamed at me in front of my mum while she told him to stop.
I burst into tears and walked outside and spent the next 20 minutes crying while it was 2am and freezing cold then i came back in and lost it completely.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed one of the largest Cooking knives and put it to my neck and wrist while screaming at him and my mum.At that point i was ready to end it but i just couldn't stop i walked out to go end it and on the way i just sat down outside crying again until she came out.By that stage i was freezing and starting to get close to passing out but eventually after her been worried and trying to help then threatening then just do as your told.By that stage i stage i was a feeling less like ending it but i still didn't care so i went inside but i screamed what is the fucking point and just slammed my door.She kept checking up on me for the next hour but then she went away so i cut myself a 70+ times until i was calm and none.

I felt terrible so i said sorry to my mum and her friend and blamed myself which i still do and i said sorry to my best friend since i promised her i wouldn't do what i did and she said you always promise yet you fuck up.So after that
it hit me that i'm either going to die or get better so i have spent the past week trying to be Happy and Get better but after chucking my blades last night i feel so lost.

I don't know how to cope without them.Right now i'm sitting here home alone tempted more than ever to go grab that knife and slash my wrists or take a large dose of Insulin and just let it kill me.

I keep thinking about everything.I turn 18 in july and it scares me to death.I'm going to be 18 and i can't drive i have no job besides my own Business i'm just a useless failure that can't get better.All i do is complain to my Best Friend or play Games.Like what is the point in living everything hurts.Everyday i'm a different person.I look in the mirror and i don't feel like me.I'm trying to get better and fight but i keep slipping and it feels like everything is screaming at me.


I'm a worthless mistake born from a vial and horrible action [my dad raped my mum when drunk].I keep thinking about all the horrible things and its my fault.Its my fault my Grandmother abused me its my fault i was bullied i could have ignored it and not acted the way i did.Its my fault my mum tried to kill herself i could have just stayed in school but nope i refused to go and made things hell for her.

What is the point in living i'm a mistake and i don't think i can get better so what why should i keep been in pain and feeling like this?. trust me ur not a mistake none of that stuff is ur fault i used to feel the same way ive had allot of the same stuff happen to me i was abused by my grandma and my mom was drunk when she made me with my worthless father even though i never told anyone i sat with a knife to my neck in the closet crying wanting to end my life at eight but i chickened out luckily i got taken to rescue for taking a blade to school for cutting and wasnt able to go to school for a week and a half my grandma got mad at me because they didnt call her to tell her where i was at first because they where scared of what she might do to me felt like ending it several times my grandma is tierd of taking me to my counceling but im not aloud at school if i dont go but im glad i never ended it for the longest i blamed myself for everything including getting sexualy assalted 3 times sometimes i still do but i cant change any of that and there was nothing i could have done to fix any of it to begin with the same goes for u ur moms and grandmas choices are there mistakes not urs