the time is 11:37PM, and i don't know what to do.

[Cognizant]

hell, i don't even know why I'm bothering writing this, because i don't even know if i can fully express how i feel. if i had to put a name to it, i guess i feel like a weak loser. either way, i just need to get this off my chest so i can try to get some sleep.

everything that i've been working so fucking hard since last summer to make better in my life is starting to cave in again. my grades went from okay to shit, i tried to get back into a relationship and got played, my dad's anti depression medicine has ran out and he's said he's worried about becoming suicidal, and our house is literally starting to sag. That promise i made to myself to make more friends? hah. nowhere near it. There's pressure in every corner of my life and it's piling up - fast.

I'm starting to get to the point where i don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal or anything, but i just want my life to be better - and it often feels like i can put all my effort into it but i still end up the same way i am now - a big fucking loser who can't keep his life together. i admire my friends - in fact, i envy them. they can seem to keep their life together, have a boy/girlfriend, and be popular.

i just hope things get better soon - I'm worried sick about my dad :\

[Dalcourt]

Stay strong...I've been through so many shitty times in my life where I really thought this is the end now, I panicked and what not, but still somehow I got out of it...it will be the same with you, too...just don't give up... there will always be ups and downs...

[kaydencorey]

You managed to make things better before, by working hard, you will still have some of that energy, it just hard to summon it up right now, but it will be there.
Our friends always seen to have the perfect lifes when we dont feel too great ourselves.
You say you are putting all your effort into making things better, it shows you have a lot of strength, please dont forget that.

[ImCoolBeans]

Life has it's ups and downs, Pat, and it always will. That isn't something that you can avoid. But to combat those downs, you can live your life the way you want it, and do what makes you happy. The low points in life aren't forever, to get there you had to have come from somewhere, right? You're not a loser, and you're not worthless. High school isn't the real world, Pat. Those "popular" kids in high school, guess what? They're not going to be rockstars for the rest of their lives, they're going to be average joe's with nothing making them "better" than you. People always seem to have their lives together looking at it from an outside standpoint, unless they really are off the wall, but for the most part you can't judge a book by it's cover -- cliché? yes, but true. I'm sure that not everything is perfect in their worlds when you take a few steps closer and peek into what's actually going on.

You're more than halfway done with high school now, Pat. In a few years you're going to be able to make your life how you want it to be, and you're going to be able to get away from the drama and bullshit that high school brings. There isn't a popular group in life, and the idea of being in one won't seem so important anymore. You're one of the best people I've met here, Pat. I'm sorry you feel this way, I've felt like this for a lot of my life, and you really don't deserve it.

Things will get better sooner than you think, your dad will be ok. You need to focus on you, and you need to do what's good for you.