I go to church - what should I do?

[Ryan1698]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

[Ainsleyshea]

I had to face all that but were there's a will theirs a way

[Gamma Male]

You could try feeling things out first, like asking your pastor what he thinks about gay marriage and what his biblical interpretation of homosexuality is.

[ksdnfkfr]

I've yet to see any good reason for a kid to come out and i think it should be saved for when you're an adult on your own, because it's usually too much to deal with before then.

[Luminous]

I agree with Gamma Male, and talk to your pastor and some of the senior members of the church and learn about their opinion on homosexuality. I think you should also consider which is more important to you - being completely open, or church.

[Blood]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.


Well, I've always had the opinion that if there really is a god out there who created all of us "in his image" with love, that he would love all of us. There is nothing wrong with being gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc. If your religion preaches otherwise, you should reevaluate your religious stance. If your church congregation shuns you because of your sexual orientation, you should reconsider your relationship with them.

[Dalcourt]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

If you are really unsure I'd wait with my coming out...it is just too much pressure to take.

And well, it may be true that God, given he exists, loves everyone...but unfortunately church is not God but people who interpret the bible and stuff to form the world around them like they want it to be.

So if you want to stay in your church think about how the reception of gay people in your congregation is...I can't tell you what to do cuz I don't know the people in your church and your environment. And then if you are not 100% sure, maybe wait with coming out till you are a bit older...sometimes it is better to stay in the closet than break down under the pressure of being out of it...

[phuckphace]

I've yet to see any good reason for a kid to come out and i think it should be saved for when you're an adult on your own, because it's usually too much to deal with before then.

completely agree with this.

[yeahsure]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

without going into it much, because i'd rather not offend anyone, regardless of what any religion says, how can loving someone be bad. That isn't a question, but rather a statement.

as far as i believe, and again this is only my opinion, which does not make me right, religion is an out of date tool, used to control the masses through fear.

feel free to disagree, it's just how i feel, which isn't a secret.

this is 2014 though, geing gay/bi doesn't get you burned at the stake.

if people love you, it will make no difference. Yes, they may be surprised, or not understand it fully to start with, but they will probably find it fascinating and love you a little more.. good luck;)

I've yet to see any good reason for a kid to come out and i think it should be saved for when you're an adult on your own, because it's usually too much to deal with before then.

everyone's situation is different. People can only judge for themselves if it would work.

i've seen plenty happy posts about people coming out:rolleyes:

Posts merged. Next time, please use the "Edit" or "Multi" button. ~Elysium

[Aceso]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

Our pope recently said himself, who is he to judge a person by their sexuality?
The bible does not say it's wrong. I am an agnostic, leaning towards atheist but I spent a year studying Religious Education to an A-level degree, so I believe my understanding of the bible is apt. would say that is a very outdated statement. The quote 'man shall not lie with man' is from the old testament, of which should have been completely abolished when the new testament occurred; It was stated that Jesus died, so the laws of the old testament were eradicated entirely. At least, I think this is the most practical view of the scriptures. I understand that they may be interpreted very differently, but this is just how I have always seen it.
No one calls us out about eating shrimp, or wearing two types of fabric, or shaving, all of which are also included in law under the old testament.
Love is not wrong. Preference of love is not wrong, and no one has the right to judge you from that or limit you to binary normality. You have the freedom to decide what defines you, and you have chosen to devote your time to your faith, something which should be utterly respected. That is all that should matter in a holy place.
I understand that this will probably not help in practical sense, but I think it's important to understand. If your social community is based around your faith and place of worship, I would recommend talking to a trusted one first, and asking their opinion. If you have other social circles which will not be compromised by your orientation, that may also be a place to start.
Good luck, if you need a chat or anything I'm always here. All the best :)

Additional Edit: Friendly reminder that the bible nowhere states that holy worship or practice must take place in a house of god. If you find your church to be a difficult place to be, this does not limit your ability to follow your faith. Worship from home, or another church may be options. Do not let the opinions of other people compromise what you believe and what distinguishes you as a person. You are allowed to love yourself, as much as you love God.

[Jack russell dad]

I just figured out i was gay a few days ago, and.i have yet to even consider coming out. If i was u, i would just see what ur family thinks. As for the Bible, it never says being gay is wrong, but just not to use the male body as a false idol.

[steellord321]

I've yet to see any good reason for a kid to come out and i think it should be saved for when you're an adult on your own, because it's usually too much to deal with before then.

Usually not. Most young people are fine with it especially in city. Its just you got unlucky with where you're from or whatever.

Why do it? So you dont have to hide of course. Closet can be suffocating

[ksdnfkfr]

Usually not. Most young people are fine with it especially in city. Its just you got unlucky with where you're from or whatever.

I'm from Las Vegas and my parents know and are ok with it. So what you just wrote hardly applies :P

And i think you're the first i've ever heard say most kids are fine with it, like nbd it's all hunky dory.

Why do it? So you dont have to hide of course. Closet can be suffocating

There's a ton of stuff kids keep to themselves.

I don't think kids should feel that they must come out as if it was their duty to do so. I think they get pressured to come out of the closet too much. If they want to, great. But I don't see any reason why they should before they're ready. I'm a member of forum called Empty Closets too btw.

[steellord321]

I'm from Las Vegas and my parents know and are ok with it. So what you just wrote hardly applies :P

And i think you're the first i've ever heard say most kids are fine with it, like nbd it's all hunky dory.



There's a ton of stuff kids keep to themselves.

I don't think kids should feel that they must come out as if it was their duty to do so. I think they get pressured to come out of the closet too much. If they want to, great. But I don't see any reason why they should before they're ready. I'm a member of forum called Empty Closets too btw.

I dont want to get into huge debate again but look at any poll, most young repubs even support gay marriage even. Maybe if you came out the reaction wont be as bad as you think.

On EC? Obviously you feel a need to come out at some level. Otherwise why tell parents? I never said to do it before ready. Kids that are 15+ and told no one, not parents either can feel suffocated like you cant imagine. I've been there.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

What should you do? Keep going. You'd be surprised. More and more people now a days are in support of gender equality. Not everyone, but more and more people. It might surprise you.

My mom works for a church, and her church is a part of a group of churches who support 12 step groups (AA, NA, etc), have workshops on mental health issues such as self harm, and support gender equality, even hosting camps for anyone questioning their sexuality. Even the support they've given to someone in the community who has started a M-F transition is fantastic.

There's absolutely no reason why you should not be able to come out and still go. And if that happens, it's a shame. I'd find a new church if they won't accept you for who you are honestly. The bible says a lot of things. The bible forbids working on sundays, eating meats, females attending church, and not having a beard. Among other things. So if they're going to take it really literal like that about your sexuality, make sure they have a beard and don't work on sunday.

But honestly, go for it. If you can't be yourself somewhere, it's not a good place to be.

[ksdnfkfr]

I dont want to get into huge debate again but look at any poll, most young repubs even support gay marriage even. Maybe if you came out the reaction wont be as bad as you think.

I'm going more by the extent i've seen this discussed in lots of threads like this in 3 teen forums and EC.

On EC? Obviously you feel a need to come out at some level. Otherwise why tell parents? I never said to do it before ready.

Right and that's all i'm saying, don't jump the gun. My parents figured it out which you can read about here (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=204308). I never saw any point in telling them. Plus it would have meant outing my friend along with me. Which is something i've pointed out to others in the past and gotten "oh shit I never thought about that" in response.

Kids that are 15+ and told no one, not parents either can feel suffocated like you cant imagine. I've been there.

I've read countless posts by people who came out as young teens and what the results were. And usually their advice to young teens wondering if they should come out, has been not to be in a hurry, wait until you're older, stuff like that.

But if a kid is clear on being gay, is suffocating, it's in their best interest to come out, then yeah ofc they should come out absolutely. But a lot of kids ask about coming out only because they got the idea they were obligated to.

[steellord321]

I'm going more by the extent i've seen this discussed in lots of threads like this in 3 teen forums and EC.



Right and that's all i'm saying, don't jump the gun. My parents figured it out which you can read about here (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=204308). I never saw any point in telling them. Plus it would have meant outing my friend along with me. Which is something i've pointed out to others in the past and gotten "oh shit I never thought about that" in response.



I've read countless posts by people who came out as young teens and what the results were. And usually their advice to young teens wondering if they should come out, has been not to be in a hurry, wait until you're older, stuff like that.

But if a kid is clear on being gay, is suffocating, it's in their best interest to come out, then yeah ofc they should come out absolutely. But a lot of kids ask about coming out only because they got the idea they were obligated to.

Well that's a sweet story in your link but you can't go by forums as proof of anything. People go to EC and this sexuality forum for help and sometimes desperate. You gotta look at polls cause theres probly like a million gay teens

"Most tweens and teens (59%) now feel that "gay or lesbian relations are OK" - 2010 http://www.harrisinteractive.com/NewsRoom/HarrisPolls/tabid/447/ctl/ReadCustom%20Default/mid/1508/ArticleId/237/Default.aspx

"increase since 1989, when only 31% believed that "homosexual relations are OK"

[ksdnfkfr]

Well that's a sweet story in your link but you can't go by forums as proof of anything. People go to EC and this sexuality forum for help and sometimes desperate. You gotta look at polls cause theres probly like a million gay teens

"Most tweens and teens (59%) now feel that "gay or lesbian relations are OK" - 2010 http://www.harrisinteractive.com/NewsRoom/HarrisPolls/tabid/447/ctl/ReadCustom%20Default/mid/1508/ArticleId/237/Default.aspx

"increase since 1989, when only 31% believed that "homosexual relations are OK"

You say you don't want to get into debates with me, but that seems to be the opposite of the truth. I'm just a 13 year old autistic kid who don't do well with drama and arguing. find someone else to do battle with and give me a break.

[steellord321]

You say you don't want to get into debates with me, but that seems to be the opposite of the truth. I'm just a 13 year old autistic kid who don't do well with drama and arguing. find someone else to do battle with and give me a break.

I was trying to help you and this is hardly drama so give *me* a break

Also others might appreciate to know its not true what you said. Coming out is most likely safe as my poll shows. So stop making shit up and you wont have any "drama and arguing". Not trying to pick on you at all

Peace out

[ksdnfkfr]

I was trying to help you and this is hardly drama so give *me* a break

Also others might appreciate to know its not true what you said. Coming out is most likely safe as my poll shows. So stop making shit up and you wont have any "drama and arguing". Not trying to pick on you at all

Peace out

in over 10,000 posts between here and Govteen, you're the only person I've had this kind of problem with.

[steellord321]

To OP, i dunno what religion or where in UK but just cause it's a church doesnt mean they're anti gay these days

"in 2010 opposition had fallen to lower than 50 per cent in each group – lowest at 37.4 per cent for Anglicans"

http://www.brin.ac.uk/figures/attitudes-towards-gay-rights/

So it seems most churches support gays now so you might not have to leave or whatever. I think being young they'll show sympathy

Theres alot of debate on whether bible even says it's a sin. Its not like Jesus was raging homophobe

[steellord321]

in over 10,000 posts between here and Govteen, you're the only person I've had this kind of problem with.

I don't even see a problem. You're overreacting. A real battle from me would leave you in tears apparently. I posted 1 damn poll. Thats nothing

[ksdnfkfr]

I don't even see a problem. You're overreacting. A real battle from me would leave you in tears apparently. I posted 1 damn poll. Thats nothing

you are now the first person i have ever put on ignore.

[steellord321]

whatever, your loss

[yeahsure]

Well that's a sweet story in your link but you can't go by forums as proof of anything. People go to EC and this sexuality forum for help and sometimes desperate. You gotta look at polls cause theres probly like a million gay teens

"Most tweens and teens (59%) now feel that "gay or lesbian relations are OK" - 2010 http://www.harrisinteractive.com/NewsRoom/HarrisPolls/tabid/447/ctl/ReadCustom%20Default/mid/1508/ArticleId/237/Default.aspx

"increase since 1989, when only 31% believed that "homosexual relations are OK"

to be honest 59% percent is barely a majority.. i mean, yes, it is, gut that still leaves 41% who do not think its ok, and that is more than enough to make someone feel uncomfortable.

Also, polls are nonsense.

It's known that people are less likely to take part in polls if either the subject does not interest them, or it means they would be expressing negative oppinion. They are merely an indication. Personally, i find them flawed.

Also someone can say they are ok with it, on a personal level, but put 5 people i.e 13/14 yr old boys together, and that goes out the window.

what people say, to make themselves appear decent and respectful, can go out the window in a second.

supporting your own opinion with a few stats and 'offical' ir not stances or positions on the subject given by any religion or otherwise, bears little reality in real life or the real world.

Does our queen support gay marriage? officially, yes, why, because she has to give that impression... in reality though, who knows what she says behind closed doors.

Polls and the real world are far apart.

maybe try being more human, and compassionate, rather than throwing numbers around.

[Jack russell dad]

I have a book for you. I really never acknowledged my sexuality until i read it, because, like u i go to church and didn't want to go against the Bible, the book is "the God box" by Alex Sanchez. Its an extremely helpful book.

[canonjourno]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

Hey Ryan!

This is the greatest contradiction of the Church- and me being a devout Catholic, I should be the first to know that! You MUST be yourself though. It is simply inappropriate of you to just say- oh, "well I'm kinda". You have to be firm about yourself. I know your religion prevents you but you can be without a religion in life, especially in the 21st Century! Just write on my profile if you got anymore questions. Not easy- but hey, I can only try as best as I can! ;)

[bob97]

If your church doesn't except you for who you are then leave them. You should do what feels right and what's the best for you. I'm straight so I'm not an expert on this, but talk to the pastor. Tell him privately and if he has a problem then too bad haha. Good luck!!

[Jdc20181]

Well a few years ago I thought I was gay Ok well 2 yrs to be exact well ...I have a little different view I am straight nut love masterbation with other peeps gay bi straight what ever I kept my Info private pretty.mucb same reason of course. Mom found out about my research ....she joined the church about 6 months afterward and is a Christian I am as well have been going since a baby anyhow regardless gay bi or otherwise god said do not judge ....so I don't don't worry about them if you're right with God and feel right with him that's all that matters if you ever need anything or otherwise just let me know ....I'm here I can help I understand fully....thanks

[ATOMICskittles]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

Come out because you want to. Not because your forced to or not because a book written my men in the name of god say what you feel is wrong. I am gay and I am a Christian/Buddhist. I will say this, I have never waked in to a church to pray or for anything. I was taught and just learned that, in order for a connection/communication to god you don't need a priest or a church. I pray and that's it. God created us all right?, so if he did then why would gays be against religion. What I am trying to say here is to go for it if your comfortable, don't care about church or the bible, because you always can be religious. Don't care of others opinions or they will get to you. Good luck.

[NickCollins]

Hi everyone

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people, and I'm pretty confident that I'm bisexual, if not gay. However, I go to church, and I have done for years. The bible obviously says it's wrong, but I feel that it's a bit outdated and that God loves everyone. However, it means I can't come out because they'll probably not let me go to the church anymore, or they'll all give me looks and think badly of me. What should I do? It's pretty much one of the main things that's preventing me from coming out.

Thanks.

this is a quote that i thought of when i read this

Jesus never said a word about homosexuality. In all of his teachings about multiple things - he never said that gay people should be condemned. I personally think it is very fine for gay people to be married in civil ceremonies.
Jimmy Carter(39th president of the US)

my advice just come out and if they say anything tell them "fuck off jesus love me"

[alphazenofi]

I think that God loves all of us, so if you live having a good life and respecting your next (I think you say so), that's no problem. But try not to be promiscuous - we all know that most of the times gay couples are quite unfaithful and live in a situation of promiscuity! If you get a boyfriend, keep lovin' him! :)

[Uranus]

I would just go to your pastor or sm group leader if you have one and ask him or her if you could sit down and talk. It will be hard to do, but I am very sure they won't kick you out of church.. the Bible says nothing but God is perfect,meaning, we all make mistakes. Don't be worried about this. I suggets to pray and see how things work out

-Balla

[Lovelife090994]

God loves us all inspite of sin. Be it a sin or not you have to be true to you and know that God loves you. No personal conviction or flaw will ever change that. God's Church is supposed to be open yet many Christians aren't. As a bisexual nondenominational non-churchgoing Christian in the South US I can vouch how doctrines are not always right, Christians aren't always Christian, and how a church can be the most loving or judgemental place you have ever gone. I personally am still unsure about what I am, but I never let that keep me from feeling God's love. You don't need a church, pastor, or even to read the Bible daily to be with God. God is already there. Stay encouraged, and when you are able to tell someone about who or what you are, consider the source. Your family may or may not be accepting of you right off but they'll always love you. I am in the closet, but mainly. Since I am finding myself and since I have a judgemental family. It isn't easy, but we can all get through life's tests.

[Aajj333]

I wouldnt worry about it. No need to live your life in shame because some old book tells you to.