Is she cheating?

[Fallen_Eagle]

WOW it's been a while since I last posted something here. Lots of stuff has happened since then, including me getting in a relationship with someone over the internet. You might not think it's a big deal, but we're a pretty damn good couple. At least we were until recently…

She's been a bit cold lately. Her messages were short and void of any emotion, and she didn't want to answer any of my questions regarding how her day was and what she's been up to, which I think is weird because I hadn't got to speak to her in a while. So eventually, I just broke it to her.
I asked her if she had other men in her life, assuring her that I wasn't trying to accuse her of anything and that I loved and trusted her as much as ever, and that I missed her.
This morning, I got a reply from her. ''Nice question'', she said, ''thanks.''
She seemed very upset because I was having my doubts about her faithfulness, and she said that she wasn't going to get angry at me for asking such a cheap question. This message definitely didn't lack emotion, but what it did lack was an answer. But I think I know what the answer is now :(

Am I wrong?

[Living For Love]

If she had that reaction when you asked her that question, and if you feel she's not committing as much as you are, then you might want to reconsider that relationship. She shouldn't get angry because of your question, because she's the one who's not answering your messages. Perhaps give her some time to think about all that for a while. I don't think she's cheating, she has just probably realised this relationship is not what she might thought it would be, but don't think it's your fault, because it isn't. LDRs are tricky because of this, you must have a lot of faith on each other. But if she doesn't connect with you the same way, then it might not work out so well.

[Fallen_Eagle]

If she had that reaction when you asked her that question, and if you feel she's not committing as much as you are, then you might want to reconsider that relationship. She shouldn't get angry because of your question, because she's the one who's not answering your messages. Perhaps give her some time to think about all that for a while. I don't think she's cheating, she has just probably realised this relationship is not what she might thought it would be, but don't think it's your fault, because it isn't. LDRs are tricky because of this, you must have a lot of faith on each other. But if she doesn't connect with you the same way, then it might not work out so well.

That's true. I'm really not sure how this relationship is supposed to be working out at this point, either! I'm really confused because she was really committed in the beginning, hell, she was the one who asked me to start dating her in the first place. She even asked me to marry her. But right now it seems that it's just one sided which is the oddest thing ever if you asked me. But yeah, I'm just gonna give it some time and see if she comes around… Thank you!

[BuryYourFlame]

It kind of depends on how old you are. I don't say that to be condescending, but when you're older you have more mobility and greater chance of actually being able to see each other soon/ish. When you're younger it's a lot harder to imagine that future and keep that in mind. Also, LDR's are difficult at the best of times, but if you stick with it, the result can be pretty amazing.
The fact that she did get pretty defensive about the question does raise some questions, but doesn't wholly indicate that she is seeing someone else, that's for you two to sort out. We can't really tell you for sure because we don't know her or what she's like.
I will say however that those responses that she gave, regardless of whether they were deserved or not, remind me of a girlfriend I used to have. The relationship was toxic, it was just constant fighting through the last half of it really. Don't let it get to that stage, if you're fighting a lot you really have to decide if it's worth the emotional torture to try and keep holding on. Don't let what I've said make up your mind though, as I said, we/I don't know what she's like or how often/recent this 'coldness' is.
Only thing that can be done is to talk to her.

[hood]

just because she's cold it doesn't mean she's cheating. either she's under too much pressure by school or something like that or she's bored of your relationship. demand that she clarifies which one is it.

[Fallen_Eagle]

thanks guys. Well, she got really upset, claiming that I ruined her day and that I'm just like all the other guys out there, and once again, expressing her dissatisfaction with the fact that I questioned her faithfulness. I think I've pretty much ruined the relationship, but this thread helped me get rid of my nerves.
I'll keep you guys posted though. Thank you so much once again for your advice!

[Fallen_Eagle]

It took quite an interesting turn. She said that she didn't want my reasons as to why I asked her if she was cheating and that all she wanted was to be with me. She also told me that she was crying as she messaged me and that she was very upset. I told her that I didn't want to do that to her, to which she responded with ''lier'' because hooray for literacy. Anyway, I asked her why she called me that, and she reminded me of a promise I made a long time ago. I once promised her that I wouldn't hurt her and now I broke that promise. I took full responsibility for that and apologized. She then left to visit her uncles wedding in a different state, so I'm guessing that we won't get to speak for a while. I'm pretty confused about all of that! I still got a lot of finger pointing and the like, but she also said that she wanted me and that she would never dump me for someone else, and that I'm all she has in her life. I assured her that she'd never lose me if I could help it, but it didn't seem to make her feel much better.
I'm calling it here, we're done. I screwed it up. Oh well. I've done worse, much worse!
Thanks for your help, even though it was in vain in the end, I really do appreciate it :')

[Abyssal Echo]

Its just my opinion that her not answering you is your answer. To me her getting upset and trying to put the blame on you just reinforces my suspicions that she'e seeing or has seen someone else.

[Fallen_Eagle]

Its just my opinion that her not answering you is your answer. To me her getting upset and trying to put the blame on you just reinforces my suspicions that she'e seeing or has seen someone else.
Either that or the very idea of me accusing her of such a thing just upsets her!

[Abyssal Echo]

Either that or the very idea of me accusing her of such a thing just upsets her!

Maybe maybe not. My mom just went through a similar situation where he got all upset even accused her of cheating on him and it turned out that he was the one that was cheating.

[Fallen_Eagle]

Maybe maybe not. My mom just went through a similar situation where he got all upset even accused her of cheating on him and it turned out that he was the one that was cheating.
Blame shifting is a common method of self defense! I really don' know what to think anymore, to be honest. All I can think about is breaking up!

[Abyssal Echo]

Blame shifting is a common method of self defense! I really don' know what to think anymore, to be honest. All I can think about is breaking up!

Trust and open communication is the foundation of any kind of relationship. if you don't have that there's nothing there. The only thing I can say is to go with your first thought/feeling.

[Living For Love]

Blame shifting is a common method of self defense! I really don' know what to think anymore, to be honest. All I can think about is breaking up!

Look, if you think all this situation is making you upset and uncomfortable, then probably it would be best to just break up with her, or at least give yourself and her some time to think about all this. For instance, distance yourself a bit for a while and see if you miss her a lot afterwards or not. You shouldn't be blaming yourself for what happened, I think it only meant you really liked her and wanted to be with her, that's why you asked her if she was cheating or not. It doesn't necessarily means you don't trust her. Now, don't let yourself get annoyed by all this, either wait for time to heal the wounds or just move on.

[Croconaw]

I think she is seeing someone else because of her response to your question. If she was faithful to you, she would have been calm about it. She wouldn't have had that reaction.

[plebble]

I wouldn't be so sure. I've had 3 online relationships (2 girls [one of them twice]) and when they just stopped talking to me and replied with one-word answers, exactly like your situation, it always led to the breakup.
I don't know for sure if she's cheating on you, but from what you said I think that she's going to break up with you. But I could be wrong! I'm sorry dude.

[Fallen_Eagle]

We made up, she started saying nice things and sending pictures again, but we haven't actually spoken in a while. I'm ready to let go when I need to :) I don't really know where this relationship is going, but we might just go back to being friends again. Or maybe a little more than friends? Who knows. Thanks for all the replies guys, I really appreciate it!