Everyone else is doing well... and i'm not

[Fiction]

When I look at all the people I knew at school, at college, from here, I'm the only one who doesn't seem to have loads of friends. I do have friends, but don't ever seem to have the huge friendship groups everyone else has, and i'm the only one who ever arranges to do stuff with my "friends".

I know it's because of the way I am, overly defensive and aggressive and opinionated. I also know when and how I changed to be like that, but that's another story. I just don't know how to stop now- the issues that caused me to become that way are gone and i'm just left with the change in personality.

I resort to putting other people down, to convince myself i'm better than them because otherwise i'll just have no self-esteem. I find the bad in everyone. Even just sat staring at people on public transport, i'm judging everyone of them. I hate myself for it. But what's even worse is when the people you have put down and convinced yourself aren't as good as you have more friends than you. It makes you beg the question, where on earth do I rank in things? At the bottom I suppose.

I'm such an awful person and anyone who tells me i'm not doesn't know me. I miss the old me. How do I get it back if i've already solved the issues that changed me?

[Nick M]

Well your definitely not the only one.
I do online schooling so I literally don't have a single friend, only online friends. It's horrible.
Try therapy. A lot of people don't believe in it but it's really helping me.

[Fiction]

I've had counselling previously and this is not the type of thing I could get therapy for on the NHS, nor do I think I need it. But I sure as hell couldn't afford to get it privately.

[Elvalight]

Well, I have no friends, but that doesn't mean I'm too much of anything except awesome.
Remember that judging people in your head will not cause harm to anyone, even you.
You may be bothered or even scared by some of the thoughts you have, but thoughts are simply ideas, that will eventually be taken up by different thoughts and even if you think something, those thoughts are not you. I usually subconsciously try to be unimpressed by pretty much everybody so I can appear better, but everyone does that, secretly all the time. The world is a big place, so sometimes you have to try to be big yourself. This doesn't make you a bad person, and as long as you don't bully people, there is no harm that can come of it. You may feel bad about it now, but it'll get better. As it always does.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

Change isn't easy. Cliche, but true. If you're looking to change, you'll have to work at it, and honestly, I do believe it'd be quite difficult to do without the help of some type of therapist of counselor. If you ask me, for what it's worth, I don't think you're a bad person. I'd say the opposite. The number of friends you have or how well liked you are has zero determination on how good of a person you are or how well liked you are.

When you look at someone and think one of those negative things about them, tell yourself a positive about them after. It can be that they look nice in that dress or they did a nice job putting their makeup on this morning. Even if you don't 100% believe it to be true, just say something nice to yourself about anyone you're saying mean stuff about.

What you went through wasn't easy, and maybe it has left you with something that you don't want, but it is overcomeable. You have the power to do good Kathy, and you do. It will get easier.

[Music Lover]

When I look at all the people I knew at school, at college, from here, I'm the only one who doesn't seem to have loads of friends. I do have friends, but don't ever seem to have the huge friendship groups everyone else has, and i'm the only one who ever arranges to do stuff with my "friends".

Do you like your friends? Are you in the friendship for yourself or for them? That can make a whole lot of difference.

I know it's because of the way I am, overly defensive and aggressive and opinionated. I also know when and how I changed to be like that, but that's another story. I just don't know how to stop now- the issues that caused me to become that way are gone and i'm just left with the change in personality.

If you know the reasons why you have become what you are, you can better do the work to reverse it.
For example if you have experiences that build distrust, try putting yourself in situations where you can practice trust. Use your imagination :)

I resort to putting other people down, to convince myself i'm better than them because otherwise i'll just have no self-esteem. I find the bad in everyone. Even just sat staring at people on public transport, i'm judging everyone of them. I hate myself for it. But what's even worse is when the people you have put down and convinced yourself aren't as good as you have more friends than you. It makes you beg the question, where on earth do I rank in things? At the bottom I suppose.

I think you already know this but:
Don't think life as a competition on who is better than everyone else. I know. It's hard, because our basic instinct is to compare. But fight that instinct. Kill it and beat it down. Then you can better enjoy life

I'm such an awful person and anyone who tells me i'm not doesn't know me. I miss the old me. How do I get it back if i've already solved the issues that changed me?

Val already told you and I'm going to say it also. Hard work. It takes hard work to fight down bad habits.

And remember: In friends, quality is better than quantity. Sounds like cliche and everything else. But it's true. Try go for that.
It can be discouraging to see that you don't have lots of friends, or that you don't have very deep friendships. But don't wallow in it :) Try and change things. Try being a better friend to people. Care, love etc.

Some tools you can use: Talk. Get your closest friend and ask if you can talk about this. If they're a good friend, they'll support you. They may not understand or know what to say, but getting it out and knowing they care is the most important thing anyway. Or you could talk to your parents. They could have more wisdom and understanding.

If you are religious: Pray. Spend time with God.
If you aren't: I'd suggest to do it still, but not going to force you ;) (The internet would be a great way to force someone eh :D )

[Jack russell dad]

I'm a loner myself. No shame, I've got used to it. It just means no sad good byes when i graduate. It just takes getting used to.

[Fiction]

Thanks everyone :)

I do have good friends I just push them away a lot because like I said, i'm overly opinionated and aggressive at opposing opinions, but people get used to that I think D:

But yeah, thanks all of you :)