self harming is nothing to be ashamed of

[Ebony Holden]

what i gather is people self harm then feel ashamed but this is what i say

does self harming help with stress?
does it make you feel better and relieved of stress?
does it make you feel like you can carry on the day when you did it ?
does it give you a sense of inner peace?

if the answer is yes then you shouldnt be ashamed why feel bad for something that helped you cope or help you face the day or face things ....or just helped you in general

i do not regret selfharming, it helped me

im not influencing you but im saying do not beat yourselves up about it x

[Babs]

while its a coping mechanism and can be calming, I wouldn't call it "helpful" per se
although I agree with you, no one should beat themselves up about it.

[Plasma]

There are much better ways to cope, honestly. I understand how tough that might be though.

[maddogmj77]

The answer is yes to all the questions. But, after I do it, I just feel so worthless. Like I've let everything get to me, when it shouldn't. Also, if nobody beats their self up about it, they why should they want to quit? If they don't want to quit, how will they ever quit?

[Babs]

The answer is yes to all the questions. But, after I do it, I just feel so worthless. Like I've let everything get to me, when it shouldn't. Also, if nobody beats their self up about it, they why should they want to quit? If they don't want to quit, how will they ever quit?

people can recognize that it's an unhealthy behavior and that they have to quit without feeling worthless and horribly shitty about it.

[Hyper]

does self harming help with stress?
does it make you feel better and relieved of stress?
does it make you feel like you can carry on the day when you did it ?
does it give you a sense of inner peace?



This is a horrible justification.

Yes you should NOT blame yourself for self harming but thinking that you should not blame yourself because self harming helps you is a horribly skewed way to look at things and not helping you at all in the wrong run.

Think of the word ''coping mechanism'' what does that make you think??? It makes me think of all the shit I've seen/know people do and I've done to ''cope'' they're always temporary fixes wether it's drinking, drugs, self harming, risk seeking behaivour, random sex etc these things just make us ''feel better'' by living in a present and ''getting away'' from our problems.

And often these coping mechanisms turn to another form of self abuse. Self harming because ''I deserve it'', random sex & abusive relationships because ''I'm not worth anything else'' and so on.

What really is important here is that you understand that there is a reason as to why you self harm a ''trigger'' so to speak an underlying problem that has created emotional disturbance in your psyche.

When you realise that you can also stop blaming yourself about cutting or doing anything else that is a temporary fix but makes us feel bad later.

It may seem like stupid obvious shit; of course I self harm or do something else because I have problems.

But we're emotional beings our first reaction is to blame ourselves or others. To get past that we need to realize what drove us to whereever we currently are in the first place.

Once you find a way to start fixing the underlying problems/situations everything else will get better as well. As you regain your confidence, self respect & love the need for these ''coping mechanisms'' will disappear.

It's just a long process that isn't easy and takes time.

Do not justify your ''coping mechanisms'' with ''they help me'' because that kind of thinking will make you dependant on them and make you lose sight of what you really should be trying to get; positive changes in your life whatever they may entail.

[Etcetera]

what i gather is people self harm then feel ashamed but this is what i say

does self harming help with stress?
does it make you feel better and relieved of stress?
does it make you feel like you can carry on the day when you did it ?
does it give you a sense of inner peace?

if the answer is yes then you shouldnt be ashamed why feel bad for something that helped you cope or help you face the day or face things ....or just helped you in general

i do not regret selfharming, it helped me

im not influencing you but im saying do not beat yourselves up about it x

We do feel bad. If you don't cut (or any other form of SH) then you wont know the feeling of I'm such a horrible person after you've relapsed. You wont know what it's like to hate yourself for giving in to the urge. I do think that 99% of us, we do feel bad for it. I regret doing it. Today is day 125 clean for me. I want to stop, and I'm determined to do so. But as long as a person has the mindset of it's helping me, so it's a good thing, I think there's the problem that needs to be solved. Because you wont overcome it as long as you have that mindset about it.

I don't think you should feel ashamed, but I also don't think anyone who self-harms should just have the mindset of well, it's helping me, so it's good, right? Because the truth is, self-harm is not good, whether it is a coping mechanism or not. It's not healthy, and it's something a person has to work very hard to overcome. It might help with stress, it might be a coping mechanism, and it may be what keeps you going because it allows you to release. But that does not mean that it is a good thing. SH is not good.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

While I understand the idea of this thread, it's not something for VT. OP, essentially what you're saying is that "it's okay to self harm." You might not be saying "do it" per se, but you're saying that it's okay because it's a way to cope. In no way is a thread like this permitted on VT; we're urging people not to self harm anymore, not to continue. If you or anyone else have questions regarding this, feel free to PM me. :locked: