Why do i want to kill myself?

[Mrladner]

This is kind of a weird topic for me, but ill try to explain the best i can. For a few months now, i've been very depressed. I've been considering suicide. But my question is, why? I have a good life i guess. Good family, friends and what not. But i hate life. I hate that the most important thing in my life is what my grade in school is, or worshiping a god. I live in Mississippi. Redneck central, with nothing but god worshiping, homophobic, idiotic, biased rednecks. Unfortunately for me, i was born with a open mind. If my parents knew that i was an athiest, i would be a freak to them. I have to live a lie everyday and pretend like i agree with their beliefs. It's torture. And if i told them i hate life, and i want to die, what would happen? I can only think that they would send me off to some therapist and try and heal me with the way of the lord. I don't know if its the constant lie that i live everyday that drives me insane, or im just mental. Why do i want to die when i have things that alot of people could never have. Knowing that i want to die and that im one of the more fortunate people in life only makes me feel worse. I hate life. I fight everyday and pretend im happy. Then what? Inevitably we all die. Why not end the suffering sooner. Why should i keep fighting? Sorry if you read this and think im an idiot. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[xXoblivionXx]

Hi Riley. First of all, I don't think you're an idiot. I think that maybe you don't want to die, that maybe you just want to be free. You don't want to be forced into believing a faith that you don't agree with and to have to think in a narrow minded way like the majority of the people who live in your area do. But suicide isn't going to give you this freedom. I'm not sure how old you are but once your done with high school you can try to go to college or move somewhere else, somewhere where you can feel free and have a life that you want to have.

[Dalcourt]

I also think that you just are uncomfortable in you current situation and want to break free somehow and at the moment suicide seems to be the only way to leave this life behind. But believe me there are other ways...once you are old enough you can leave this place behind, going to College or work in another state...looking forward to things like that and making plans would probably be a good thing to take your mind of your suicidal thoughts.
If you feel that you are really depressed however maybe try to talk to a counselor at your school, do you have someone at your school like that? A counselor that is not only for academic issues but also other problems, I mean.

Apart from that I can only tell you to be strong...and maybe you succed in finding someone who is more like you even in Mississippi, I can't imagine all people there are really as bad as you describe them, although I have to admit that this state always kinda freaks me out when I have to go there to visit my granny but that's a different story.

So, yeah I wish you all the best and you can always talk to me when you need someone.