How do I resist urges?

[Ryan1698]

Hi guys

I posted a giant thread on the situation I have with my best friend, but basically he's straight and I've fell in love with him. How can I resist the urge to be close to him and stuff? I always find myself resting my arm on his shoulder and stuff, and I can tell he feels uncomfortable but I really don't know how to stop myself. It's depressing me and I'm beginning to think that I can't go on with this friendship - simply for him.

So, are there any ways to resist urges to touch / stand close to him?

[ComfortableInChaos]

You may wanna find a new best friend. If I were in your situation, I'd talk to him about it but I wouldn't use the phrase "fallen in love with" because they might freak him out. Just try telling him that you like him a little bit more than you thought you would when you two started hanging out. When you get 100 posts, message me and I can give you more advice. I haven't slept much so I'm no use really, sorry :P I hope I did help in some way though

To resist the urges, just think about it. You would have to keep your mind thinking about not doing that. You could ask him if he's uncomfortable with you and him touching and if he his then don't do it, just don't. You might lose your best friend if you continue like that... It sucks, I know, I've been in your place too. I know what you're feeling...

[Ryan1698]

You may wanna find a new best friend. If I were in your situation, I'd talk to him about it but I wouldn't use the phrase "fallen in love with" because they might freak him out. Just try telling him that you like him a little bit more than you thought you would when you two started hanging out. When you get 100 posts, message me and I can give you more advice. I haven't slept much so I'm no use really, sorry :P I hope I did help in some way though

Thanks for your reply. Sorry, I should have probably given a bit more information. He knows I'm bi and that I like him - although he's sort of under the impression that I'm in the process of getting over him, which is really difficult for me to do. Initially, it really damaged our friendship, but things are starting to get better. I just really need to stop touching his shoulder and stuff. Others do it, but I know he finds it uncomfortable because he knows I like(d) him, and he's the best person in my life, so I really want to make sure he's happy.

[ComfortableInChaos]

Thanks for your reply. Sorry, I should have probably given a bit more information. He knows I'm bi and that I like him - although he's sort of under the impression that I'm in the process of getting over him, which is really difficult for me to do. Initially, it really damaged our friendship, but things are starting to get better. I just really need to stop touching his shoulder and stuff. Others do it, but I know he finds it uncomfortable because he knows I like(d) him, and he's the best person in my life, so I really want to make sure he's happy.

Ohhhh okay thank you for extra info... What I would do is find a guy you like and start dating him, showing him that you're over him. This way, he'll see that you're not thinking of him that way anymore. See what I mean? In his point of view, you filled the void you had for a relationship with another guy and you replaced the 'like' and 'love' you feel for him.
If you find a girl you like, go ahead and date her, but he might still think you have a thing for him, since you're into guys and girls, both. I just feel like the best way to deal with the situation is to find a guy you like, date him, and start a different relationship with someone else. (But don't date someone just for that particular reason... people can tell you're using them. Actually find someone you really do genuinely like.) Did this help a bit more?

[Menzis]

It's probably, because he knows you are bi.. that's why he feels uncomfortable when you touch him, when a friend leans on my shoulder I don't care, because I know they are straight. It happens a lot to me though, because i'm quite short..
If a gay or bi guy would lean on my shoulder I think I'd feel uncomfortable too..
And if he is your best friend.. i'd just let it stay that as you know he's straight.

[Living For Love]

Puberty For Boys :arrow2: Family and Friends.

[backjruton]

I myself don't know too much I can give on this. Personally I think telling a friend I was sexually(physically) attracted to him made our friendship better.. either that or he just expected it so wasn't too creeped out by it but I won't get too close to anyone like this so that isn't really a problem. 90% of the time I keep my hands all to myself, my friends do things to me that I don't do to them (best friend plays with my hair... this other friend grabs my cheek and does something else and yet another friend rubbed my leg... the 2 guys did it because they KNOW how it makes me feel and that I like it) but I just feel awkward so a lot of time I think these things FAR too much and don't really want to do anything about it except for voicing my opinions.

It's different with me because of annoying mental issues and an extreme lack of confidence. Try to get attached to another friend until they get annoyed and keep going in a cycle or something... I also haven't slept much so I won't be too helpful :lol: I would say to just keep the thoughts in your head, but I'm starting to experience how annoying that can be - I'm too horny and on the edge I guess, and I experience arousal far more than I experience proper sadness or happiness because of it all... :P